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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why does he want this life?

6 replies

Singlediva · 09/01/2011 08:59

Split up with dh at end of September after 17 yes married. Have got two dc's, 14 and 11. They have have been very upset, older one took an overdose and is currently under a therapist. She doesn't stay with dh. The other one is heartbroken his dad isn't living with us and feels upset when he goes to stay with him but loves him very much.
Went to talk to dh yesterday to explain how ds ds feels as he has difficulty talking to his dad about his feelings. Dh thinks I'm making ds worse !! Dh hasn't really taken responsibility for all the hurt he has caused, just says he stopped loving me and decided to leave. He's got a really nice flat, goes out with his 'friends' from work and sees ds a couple of times a week. He's says he's happy with his life now and eventually admitted yesterday that he isn't coming back. But he's left utter devastation behind, how can he live with himself?
So far this week I have spoken to social services (called after dd was in hospital on new years eve after drinking too much and taking about suicide again), the local mental health people about dd and ds teacher because he is struggling with school. After everyone of these calls I have cried, how did it get to this? None of this was my choice, I still loved dh very much and had no idea he was unhappy until it was too late. He never gave me a chance. Thought we would be together forever. Instead he has chosen the life of a single man, says there is nomone else.

OP posts:
needafootmassage · 09/01/2011 09:06

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Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 · 09/01/2011 09:10

So sorry to hear this single diva. You sound like you are going through a very similar mill to wherecanihide at the moment...

Have you read her thread? I think it is called husbandononlinedatingsites or soothing similar.

Might be an idea to speak to a kindred spirit?

You will get a lot of support and advice here, so I am bumping this to get you to the top of the list!

Oh and I will post the thread link in a mo.

StuffingGoldBrass · 09/01/2011 09:46

What have you and your XH said to your DC about the split? Because their reactions seem to be unusually severe: while DC are often upset by their parents separating, suicide attemps are not that common. Could there be something else causing them such distress?

WherecanIhide · 09/01/2011 21:45

Hi!

My wH is having a midlife crisis and wants excitment in life etc etc so has buggered off to live the life of a single man. He is 51 (though has decided on 44 as his new age).

It is very very selfish and you have my heartfelt sympathies.

It's like they get bored of family life and can't be bothered with it anymore. How can they live with themselves? Pure selfishness. My wH has an air of 'entitlement' about doing his own thing and says it is none of my business. I could go on and on...

Like you I had no idea wh was unhappy and thought we'd be together for ever. I can't believe I am now a 'lone parent'. I never asked for this not did I have a chance to try to make the marriage work. he decided he didn't love me and that was that! mentally he moved on months before I found out what he'd been up to.

These men just f**K off and leave us with the devestation and bewildered children.

I, unfortunately know how you must be feeling. I wish I could help you more x

cestlavielife · 09/01/2011 22:39

ask mental health services about therapy for the DC / for you and ask H if he would agree to family therapy around the split/parenting apart services etc. depends where you live as to what is available for separated families.

if he wont agree to attending anything then you and DC must, as you cannot do anything about him or his feelings - but you can get stronger yourselves to deal with it. .

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