Not sure where to put this but feel sad and need to tell someone.

[depmum]

I thought about putting this in the feeling depressed area but to my mind that is full of people with real problems.

I`m just feeling sad as my little one has just started school. He seems happy(ish) but plays on his own alot or with a little girl he knew before she started school. She is in Y1 and although I like her, I want him to make his own friends in his class.

My big boy has mild special needs and his self esteem since entering the juniors is low. He is very bright but to listen to his opinion of himself he`s the pits. No end of pumping up from us seems to help.

So basically I`m sitting here tearful and lonely, missing my sons and worrying about them.

DH knows Im concerned but men dont seem to feel things in the same way that women do. He said hed work from home later to keep me company and whilst I think this will be nice it also means Ill have to act brave (and not type here).

Anyone else have these kinds of concerns about their kids? Any ways round them?

Know how you feel. Not the same but like you not sure if it is a problem or if I am making too much of it. We have a group of friends who see each other a few times a year - we all have kids. One of the older girls has taken against my dd - I know you can't expect everyone to love your dd as you do so I have tried to deal with it - they're only kids - they'll grow out of it - takes two to tango etc. But yesterday my dd told me something that made my blood run cold. Often this older girl will persuade/bully the other children not to let my dd join in games etc. My dd told me that wg=hen we were all at CenterParcs last year this girl would not let her join in their (ie all the other children's) adventure and told them all to say to my DD that she had to make her own way back to the villa. They were playing at the bottom of a hill. My dd made her own way back but went to the wrong villa - she said she thought we had put the toys away and gone to sit inside. I asked her if she was scared - she said no as the people in the other vills were very kind to her - BUT WHAT IF THEY HAD NOT - I feel sick typing this. The adults are all friends and I do not want to make too much of this but we are all going away for a long weekend next year and although we have paid I am very tempted not to go - my H reckondswe should just keep a watch on our dd at all times but it is difficult when she just wants to play with the other children.

Sorry to hijack but your ds sounds lovely - I understand that you want him to have other friends his own age but hopefully this will come in time - in the meantime encourage (as much as you can) him to play with other kids and continue to love him - good luck

have you thought about volunteering in the school not in his class ,worked for me .

mummycan I think you need to speak to your friend's about the situation. Fair enough if the older girl doesn't like your dd but she doesn't have to be bitchy enough to drag the others in. Your dd was put in a position of danger due to this girl and that is not acceptable. I imagine your dd probably dreads these weekends away. I too understand they don't all have to get along - our best friends dd and my dd don't love each other and tend to play side by side rather than together. I would not accept this behaviour from her or my dd.

depmum is your little one upset about it?? I too worry about this with my dd (7) as she goes to the library on her own most lunch times. After speaking to her she is not worried at all, her answer was that she doesn't want to play out in the sun. Perhaps you might find an interest for your older boy that he is quite good at that will build his self esteem.

Depmum - sorry to hijack this thread but am trying to work up courage to talk to this friend - I HATE confrontation but this is my DD I'm talking about - if I don't stand up for her who will? Did call friend earlier today but she wasn't in - left message that I would call back later. Am dreading the conversation as we have all been friends for years - way before kids.

Please tell me the truth - if your child was behaving like this wouldn't you want to know? I accept that I wouldn't like it if somebody told me that my Dd had been beaving like this but i would want to know.

mummycan I think you need to make changes in your holiday arrangements as nothing could be worse for your DD than being on holiday with such an awful child. I'm sure she will have a much better time with the family and make her own friends while she is away. I think even if you don't raise this with your friend which I know can be really difficult I wouldn't put your DD through this holiday nightmare. Sorry if sound a bit OTT but can't stand the thought of a child being bullied at any time, but on their holiday.....
DEPMUM - kind of know how you feel as have posted on other threads. DS1 nearly 7, DS2 nearly 5. DS1 brings great worries with his dislike of school and no friends. Don't know what to say to you really but do know how you feel. He also has v low self esteem and from birth we have always told him how great he is. When he tries something we are always so encouraging and always telling him that we want him to enjoy himself - not win everything! He does tell everyone how crap he is at everything and it really gets me down too.XX

Spoke my DH about it yesterday - he thinks we shoukd wait and see - he always thinks I fly off the handle anyway. Told him that if anything happened to DD because we didn't do anything how would he feel? I have told him that if it is not sorted before we go (we will probably see them at new year) I am not going on the holiday - regardless of what has been paid. I can see his point - we have been friends for years and he doesn't want to upset anyone (we no longer speak to another couple as their DS used to bite DD at nursery and his mother never even asked if DD was ok in spite of the fact that the kids and we were friends - and this went on for over 3 years!)Also it puts other friends in an awkward position BUT all that aside I am not going to put DD at risk from this bully. On a happier note DD doesn't talk about it and is generally happy but she does say that she doesn't like this girl - and DD loves everybody - even the biter!

Hi thought I would add my pennys worth!! My parent always used to visit some great friends of theirs for w/ends. I used to dread going there because the other kids bullied me and an identical thing happened to me - getting lost on way back from park. It was 30 years ago now and I still remember what happened as if it was yesterday. I could never understand why my parents kept making me go to that house and making light of my unhappiness. I guess I do hold it against them. So PLEASE dont' go on holiay with those friends again or not for several years, your dd should come first not your friendships. Don't mean to be horrible about this but I still get upset by those w/ends after all this time!!

Oh Caroline - you poor thing. The thing is if you ask my dd she says that she does want to go - because she likes all the other kids - it's just this one girl. Thank you - reading your post has nade me decide that the next time we see them I am going to bring it up and if for some reason it doesn't get resolved (or I chicken out ) we will not be going to Centerparcs next year.

Would you have wanted your parents to deal with it or would you have preferred just not to go?

Do you still see the bullies?

Thank you for taking the time to post.

Depmum - sorry once again for hijack. How are you?

MC
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