My mother and father split up 25 years ago and have never had a good word to say about each other since. I was brought up by my mother who was a bit neglectful and treated me as an inconvenience. She now whinges that Im not close to her, the thing is, when I was younger (and so was she) she was always after a boyfriend. Now she doesnt want the boyfriend she has so seems to think its my job to make up the deficit by keeping her company. My attitude is that she didnt want me around when I was a child so you reap what you sow IYSWIM. I live on the other side of the country (no coincidence!). She kept me from seeing my dad for many years, for no reason other than to get to him. If she got annoyed with him she would also stop me from seeing his parents who I loved dearly. If however she wanted to go away with a new man for up to a month at a time she would leave me with anyone who would take me (but not my GPs as she wouldnt give them the satisfaction). I am very bitter towards my mother as she did not protect me or do very basic things I would expect to do for my own children. This is turning into a rant against my mother but thats not why Im posting!!!
I rebuilt a relationship with my dad and we were very close. I always said I would never get married and that even if I did I accepted that I would have to marry in another country to prevent my parents from attending. I couldnt trust them to behave if they were ever in the same place! I also didnt want children as I didnt want her anywhere near them, it is only that I have met a man I love so much that I am able to start putting these feelings aside.
2 years ago my dad died suddenly. My mother couldnt even bite her tongue when I told her he was dead.
In October my boyfriend proposed. As soon as he did my mother was constantly asking me when it was going to be and where etc. Saying she wanted to make plans with me. I initially told her I hadnt made any plans yet and changed the subject. The more I think about it though, the more sure I am that I dont want her there. This is partly because of the way she treated me and I have never wanted her at my wedding. She now seems to think that as my dad is dead then by default she gets to attend my wedding. This is irritating but I think it is getting to me more as I feel she is 'benefitting' so to speak from my dad dying. I just feel that she wouldnt be able to attend if my dad was alive so why should she because he isnt. If she could be trusted to put her feelings aside in favour of mine for once I would have plausibly been able to have them both there!
I know that I need to make the wedding my special day and do what I want but she is so good at emotional blackmail.
I dont know if Im still grieving for my dad and this is affecting my feelings or if my reasons for not wanting her there are valid.
Sorry about the epic post, it was going to be a quick, should I invite her but I thought Id better give the background!