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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He is insane

29 replies

BreakFree · 09/01/2011 02:29

Some people know my story, been with him a few years now and gone through an awful amount of verbal and emotional abuse (control etc) the peak of which happened just before Christmas this year and I said no more. We have two DCS one of which has spn so me leaving the home is not an option due to school and therapy for my son.
Anyway, after Christmas and the spell of me avoiding him sleeping in seperate rooms putting the foot down and avoiding the trying to charm me every five minutes. He crumbled one evening into this whol "Ive benn in denial" business.
I knew at the time this would probably not last I'm not an eejit. I guess I've been trying to buy myself time in a way as I'm not quite ready to get the f-- out.Why? Well because I'm fing terrifed of the fallout to be honest. Terrifed of him.
And I am starting to realise why.
This evening a nice evening in front of the television turned into a discussion about a guy from where i used to live and how this guy had stolen my wallet or handbag and I had told him about it . I was a bit taken aback as I don't recall anyone I know ever having stolen anything belonging to me, amd I Think I would remember! HE specifically named a guy that was a friend of another and yet I still had no idea what he was talking about.
In fact the guy in question was a bit of a lunatic on the drink but totally harmless and a very good friend of my friends if you know what i mean and there was no way in hell this guy ever stole from that I wouldnt have remembered!
I said to OH that there was a guy I had been seeing for a few weeks long before I met him who I had had my suspicions about (him and his friend) when my handbag had gone missing at a party and after they had comforted me for an hour over the money and personal items I had lost (pic of my son etc) they suddenly came up with the money between them to make me feel better because "they didn't need it being single men"
I explained maybe he had heard me talk about this and got confused.
No! No I am apparently a disgusting liar and worse so because apparently I never mentioned this man that I had dated twice before I met him !!
So, after OH had ranted at me that i was obviously a LIAR and what else had I lied about I actually started to laugh. What else could I do. I mean. This is ridiculous. I can't believe I practically fell for his "I'm in denial about who I am" shit.
I can't believe I seriously think there is hope for him to be normal. This is amazingly deluded shit. If I had ever said that to him I surely would remember!

Absolute craziness. I'm glad I've a few in me right now because strangely I feel very calm in the fact that I know he is actually quite mad.

OP posts:
beingsetup · 09/01/2011 18:09

If he had misheard or forgotten that wouldbe one thing, but it sounds like he is gaslighting ie trying to make you doubt your sanity and second guess everything you say, as well as back down if you ever challenge him.

I don't have a link for gaslighting but im sure if you google it you would be surprised...

and sorry op I hope you an d your family find safety

BreakFree · 09/01/2011 18:34

Thank you I am going to put it into google now and have a read though I think I saw something about it in the lundy bancroft book. I haven't picked the book up in a week or two. I guess I need to do it again.

OP posts:
maledetta · 10/01/2011 12:34

This with someone I was only in a relationship with for a few weeks, but enough to father a child (yes I know):

Him: Anyway, I don't even know if DS is mine, you were seeing your ex at the same time.

Me: What??!!?? No I wasn't! Whatever makes you think that?

Him: Because the day after I dumped you (after finding out you were pregnant)I went up to your allotment in xxxville, and I saw him there, but you'd told me he was away working.So obviously you were sleeping with him.

Me: (not succeeding in keeping calm at all): What??!!! But my allotment isn't even in xxxville-it's somewhere else altogether! You've never even seen ex-how do you know what he looks like? But you knew that he was in the country, because I told you that I met up with him and told him I had got together with you- remember?

Him: Oh...yeah. Come to think of it, I do remember that.

Needless to say, he has told lots of people that I was still sleeping with ex and that he doesn't think DS is his. Hard to work out where delusion ends and manipilation begins.

Off to google gaslighting.

maledetta · 10/01/2011 12:35

Manipulation.

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