Is anything wrong with this close friendship?

[justneedtoknow]

I'm a regular who has name changed for this. I'm confused.

Two years ago my dc's traumatic birth brought back memories of childhood abuse and I got very ill as a result with PTSD. I needed to talk about it and started to open up to a male friend who I often chatted with on facebook and also knew well in real life. He responded fantastically well and has become an absolute rock for me. We are both happily married, friends with each others' spouses and very fond of each others' kids. we often socialise as families.

For most of the past two years my dh was not able to support me as he was struggling badly with depression. My friend was always there to talk to and to hug me when I need a hug. This involved learning very slowly to trust him like I really only trust dh - due to the abuse touch from men is often not easy. As a result we have become very close friends. When I'm struggling with my thoughts, feelings, flashbacks I really want to talk to him and have his support. I feel safe and comforted when he hugs me. Is that bad. Am I supposed to have close women friends instead. If I have no inclination to kiss let alone shag him let alone break up two marriages does that mean the friendship is safe? Is this closeness purely due to what we have shared together over the past few years? I love dh and would not be without him for a day.

I don't know why I'm suddenly worried about this but this seems a safe place to get some opinions

It sounds ok as long as there is nothing secret from either of your spouses, and as long as he (or you) is not secretly hoping for more.

Thankyou - I'm certainly not hoping for more - quite apart from there not being a spark the thought of betraying my dh, my ds and my friend (his wife) is too bizarre for words. I would never. And I sure hope he isn't - but he is very close to his wife.

So as long as his wife and your dh are aware of the friendship, and you're not meeting secretly or anything, it's fine He sounds like a good friend.

A good test I have to think about whether something is 'inappropriate' is about if you would behave with other man differently than how you would behave infront of DP.

In otherwords. Would you hug your friend the same way in front of your hubby? If yes, then you're fine.

If you feel like you are harbouring a secret from DP then it's on tricky ground.

(Apparently)

save your hugs for your dh.
how is he now?

Slarty that suggests that I give my friend hugs that I should be giving my dh and if true that would be wrong. But it's not true. DH gets as many hugs as he could possibly want, because we are and always have been a tactile couple.

Things is DH has been depressed on and off for as long as I have known him and I've always been there for you. it is incredibly hard when you both suffer with mental ill health at the same time and this time I needed some support too. I needed someone to give me a hug and allow me to express how I was feeling.

DH and I are both on the mend and that is great. We've both worked hard in counselling. I believe and hope that my friendship with my friend will change as I get less vulnerable but that we will remain close.

sorry that should read always been there for him...

From what you say it sounds ok

But why have you suddenly got the collywobbles about it, if you have been such close friends for so long ?

Has something changed ?

Are you subconciously feeling something more, or suspicious that he might be ?

Why now exactly ?

I don't know if any of those things are true but I would be asking myself those questions and taking a long, hard look at just how much intimacy was beng shared wih someone other than my DH, tbh.

Could you not use some of that emotional energy you invest in your friend on getting closer to your husband ?

Just my thoughts. I don't think you are doing anything wrong, btw.