Should I say anything about friend's affairs?

[OhToBeFree]

I have been undecided about whether to say anything to a friend's future husband about her sleeping around/affairs and would like your thoughts/advices please if possible.

Have known said friend since 1991 when we started secondary school. There have been periods where we've drifted apart but nevertheless, friends.

Friend has always been 'a bit of a girl' and when we were younger I'd always be left to go home on my own because she'd be off with some bloke for yet another one night stand. I've always accepted this as part of who she is so it's never really bothered me as such, such as long as she is safe.

Anyway fast forward few years and she left an EA relationship to be with a fanastic guy. They've been together for 7 years and engaged to get married this year.

Since they have been together I have known her to have a physical and emotional affair for a long period with someone they both worked with, this has now ended. I have known her to have several one night stands with various colleagues and for about four years there is this one guy who she meets purely for sex on a fairly regular basis. He shouts, she runs. I've warned her she will lose her DP but she says the sex is way too good and it's the secretness that makes it so good.

Her DP is lovely. He worships her. The more I think about it, the more sad I feel for him. He is so excited about their wedding. She is too and I know she loves her DP but there is just this other side of her that I wish she didn't have.

So, WWYD? Do you stay loyal to your friend and hope when she marries, these flings will fizzle out or do you manage to somehow tell her DP? If I did, I'd want it to be anonymouse I think she it'll totally be the end of our friendship otherwise and other than these issues, I still value our friendship.

Also, the f**kbuddy is also engaged, getting married this year!!?

I just don't understand how they don't get caught or more importantly how they can live with themselves??!

I wish someone had told me. I wish they'd sat me down and told me exactly what was going on before I got married. Those who did know, didn't tell me as they said "You wouldn't have married him if you knew." Well, yes, obviously! And so we married and within a couple of years it was happening all over again.

It is just not fair to let someone marry when you know the person they are marrying is a liar and a cheat.

And I would be prepared to lose the friendship, in the OP's case. Although there's a lot of fun to be had in chatting about sexual shenanigans, if it involves really hurting a lovely man, I don't think the fun is worth it.

Oh atswim, its all v.confusing! Even the advice on here is split. Hmmm, I'm siding more with keeping it myself......

My best friend has been unfaithful a few times to her dp who is also a really good friend of mine. It wouldn't even cross my mind to say anything, my loyalty is to her 100%.

I know it's awkward for you but it's really not your place to tell. Neither of them would thank you for it and like other posters have said, maybe it's an unspoken arrangement between them. Personally I would say the issue of children is bigger than the cheating, long term.

I would turn down her offer of reading at her wedding tbh. I would feel like a hypocrite, and almost like i am endorsing her behaviour.

Then, by turning it down, it might (?) bring it home to her how strongly you feel about it, and how unfair she is being by involving you - and maybe, just maybe, how wrong her behaviour is and that she is entering a world of pain for both her and her DP if she doesn't change course - either by stopping the shagging around, or by not marrying her DP. The children thing is worrying tbh... it doesn't sound to me like she should marry him at all until she has some kind of resolution on that score.

My mum has a friend that has out stood any of their relationships. They have been friends for 35 yrs. There was a period in my mums friends life where she got involved with a complete arse. He also worked with my cousins husband. My mums friend had been out with this person for about 3 yrs on and off. He saw her very now and then. Mum suspected him of being up to no good. We heard rumours of him living with someone and then later on living with someone else. We tried telling mums friend she was having none of it. She did not speak to my mum for a bit. Then one day this guy rings up where he works (and also my cousins husband works) and annonces hes just become a dad!! WTF!! My cousin told me this information I told mum. We both decided we should tell her friend we went around told her. She thougth we were lying! So she rang this man and hes at the hospital! She asked why he said his mum was not well. Later that week it was in the paper with his full name and the name of the baby date of birth. We took it around she was still not sure. Mum and her friend are still friends today her friend finished it but then he stalked her. She is happy now with a man that loves her. Mum nearly lost her friend. So I guess its your call. Think speak to your friend and tell her how you feel and its making you feel bad maybe she will see the light? Good luck

Tell him. Why exactly would you want to be friends with a woman like this anyway? I don't see what you have to lose by telling him. How will you feel if in a few years time this man is bringing up a child that is not his own, while his wife is still shagging anything in trousers? How would you feel if she caught an STD and passed it onto him, and possible on to their child?