So many acquaintances, but why no close friends?

[violetbouncer]

I've got one old pal from Uni who really gets me. We see each other a couple of times a year and don't keep in close touch. I've got good friends at work who are more than just colleagues. And I know tons of other mums, one or two of whom I'll see regularly with the DC for coffee/playdate sort of meetings. I'd love to develop close friendships but I don't know how. I'd especially like closer friendships with mums because of the common ground that's missing with childfree mates. But how does it happen? It surely shouldn't need to be engineered but it never seems to just happen naturally. :(

Should I maybe just go and eat worms ...?

Hi Violetbouncer

I know exactly how you feel! I think it just takes longer to form close friends when you have children, because you have less time, and most of the socialising is round the kids.

Maybe organise a kids-free night out/cinema trip/meal or whatever, with like-minded mums!

II've just moved to a new area and hope I'll make some friends too!

Good luck! :o

Is time the real issue here do you think?
If you're working f-t, got DCs it doesn't leave much time to spontaneously develop close friendship.
I think some of the best friends I have were developed when we shared the same experiences doing things eg work, uni, playgroups.
Maybe you need to join something and go regularly to let friendships build up over a long time.
Other thing is I think you need to be comfortable disclosing personal stuff about yourself, which when reciprocated builds closer friendships. Not a problem I have as I regularly spill my guts!

Saw you sitting on the lonely bench and wanted to come and say Hi!

Sometimes you have to work at friendships like a new project I find. There have been times when my stock of friends has run low and I have had to make an effort to invite people to do things together. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt. But I only need a few good mates not lots.

Volunteering to help with organising things is a good short cut because people feel positive about you helping and you get to spend time hanging out with them even if it is buttering scones or making stuff for the toddler group art table.

Be positive and remember most people are just as unsure of themselves as you.

I think DP's the problem. He meets my friendship needs so well that I don't make as much effort as I should with others. Then when he's pissing me off I have nobody to vent to. If I do it feels like oversharing. So my mum gets it . Not that this is a regular thing, but really I don't feel a huge need for more friends much of the time - and then once in a while I look around at people enjoying close friendships and wonder why I'm not.

Good luck settling in :)

x posts. I'm on ML so now's my chance. I've done toddler group, more acquaintances made, found a hairdresser - that's it! Maybe it is me!

I know how you feel. I have no close friends from my school or university days. Some work friends but not so super-close that we see each other a lot out of work. One friend of my husband and his partner who we would consider friends of both of us. And my DH is a great friend - we met at uni which is why neither of us made reams of friends then, we had each other.

Perhaps with time and as you meet more people, the new friends will become closer. I hope so anyway as that's what I want to happen with me :)

I've joined a couple of baby groups - met a couple of people from here and Netmums and it's made me feel like at least I know a few people to bump into. Will be nice if they become actual proper friends though (some of them sort of feel like that already).