Why can't I move on? Aggggrrrr!!!

[poshsinglemum]

No matter how hard I try and get over my cruch (and old flame with strong connection) I can't stop thinking about him.

He started flirting a bit over two years ago and I was bowled over.

I want to move on, I am on Match but noone quite measures up. Everytime i go out I see lots of fit men but I am secretly hoping that he will appear.

He is very happily attached. On NYE someone told me that he was serious with his gf and I got really upset and drunk. I don't want to feel like this for ever.

In the summer I blew it with him. He told me that he did used to like me but now he has a new girlfriend. I sent hime some shitty e-mails back saying that I was hurt etc. I now deeply regret it as I was drunk and upset. I am tempted to apologise as he didn't deserve those messages. I know I should just leave it and move on and stop being a fantasist.

The trouble is I can't get over the feeling that I missed the boat with him and now it's too late. A bit like grieving but clearly not healthy.

I think of him far too much.

crush

Sorry posh you are just making excuses to stay in contact with him. He has moved on and is in a relationship. You have to dig deep, accept that he is not for you and move on.

Sorry, back to the drawing board. Or maybe give up looking for someone and have a good time being poshsinglegirl instead

I like the idea of KateonMN having a rubber band on her wrist to flick when she catches herself obsessing about her ex. Block him out!

i was in a situation a bit like yours for a long time. I had the feeling that if only I hadn't lost my temper, etc etc then we'd still be together.

It took me a long time to realise, even after he married someone else, that I lost my temper for a reason. He was selfish and that I wouldn't have been happy if we were together.

But the feeling that maybe if I was with him, I'd be married if only etc is horrible when you are lonely.

Why do you think you blew it with him?

Agree with nonamesnopackdrill - your making excuses to contact him again
You want to apologise for something you sent in August?

He is in a new relationship now, you really must get over him.

Could you be a bit lonely? missing male company in general? or, is it just his company you want?

You sound a bit down too

I wish you the best for next few months

I just read the Mills & Boon thread, it's full of posters who got back together with old flames after 5, 10, 25 years... if it was meant to be, it will. But in the meantime it's prob best to try and move on.

FWIW I've been there, contacting an ex to apologise for things, but it didn't help in any way!

Maybe try to find things to fill your time, and in about six months or a year you could send a catch-up type email & you'll have loads to say, and just apologise as an aside? That's if you haven't found someone else by then

Take care :)

I've been in your position too Posh in that I split with someone I was very much in love with just over a year ago.

I'm fine now but it has only been in the last month or two that I've been able to say that. I was a weeping mess for months and just couldn't seem to get over him. And yes, I sent a couple of e-mails that I now wish I hadn't too.

What helped me was taking up running and trying some internet dating. Both were helpful distractions that made me feel more confident and attractive. I realise that a lot of posters will probably think that it's a bad idea to be dating while you're not feeling terribly strong emotionally, and I accept that is probably true. However, it got me out meeting new people, gave me other men to think about and I think it definitely helped me get to the place I'm at now, which is somewhere where I can see pictures of him looking happy with his new girlfriend on facebook and no longer feel like curling up in a ball.

You have my sympathies - it is just miserable to be pining for someone, but ultimately I think it is our responsibility to try to snap out of it and get ourselves into a healthier headspace. Easier said than done though I know.

Is there any way you can delete all his contact details? So you can't contact him however tempted you feel? That's another thing you can do to help yourself I reckon.

Agree with everyone so far. I'm kind of in the same boat atm - for me I know I'm just scared to face the future without any love interest. I find it bloody scary to have no one to think about. But actually, if I keep investing even emotionally in someone unsuitable, I am not leaving space for the new, fabulous relationship that is coming my way

This guy has moved on. It's over. Set yourself free - delete all details and avoid the temptation to contact him. He knows how to contact you.

It's not too late. There will always be men - even when we're playing bingo in the retirement home!

Hi all,

Thanks so much for your replies (I stareted a thread similar) as I thought this had sunk.

We never actually were together tbh. He chased me like mad about 1o years ago, took me to meet his parents and basically told me how much he fancied me etc. I only turned him down because I was messed up by my narc ex at the time.

About a year ago he dropped a few hints that he liked me again, (waving madly as he drove past, inviting me up to his hopuse etc) only for me to find he had a gf. If I didn't think he still liked me I would never have persued it. I guess I am annoyed that he gave me mixed messages; just as i did to him all those years ago! Karma bit me on the arse!

Thisnk as I am alone I feel all the more cut up about it.

Also, when I contacted him he told me that he had moved on; but then told em he would speak to me again soon. I told him he'd better not speak to me if had a girlfriend esp as he knew I was so keen on him.

then the ball is in his court and you have to accept that.
Move on, I say