First meeting with solicitor - what should I ask?

[makedoandmend]

Meeting solicitor for the first time tomorrow following a very unexpected and sudden marriage breakup - third party involved. Head all over the place so would be really grateful for a guideline as to what I should ask.

Just a couple of points - I have dd (2), live in the family home (xh has moved out) but I'm not on the mortgage or on the deeds.

Xh is seeing dd when he wants to (which is regularly) so we're trying to keep civil (not always working).

I work part time - which I plan to do at least until dd goes to playgroup (we have a CM for the other days). This was agreed with H when dd was younger but I can see him trying to wriggle out of that deal.

Any suggestions welcome

i would ask about staying in the family home and where you stand on this considering your name is not on any paper work, ask about legal aid if you are on a low income, ask for a very rough idea of costings, ask about keeping the family car if you have one, ask about any debts you may have and who's responsibility they are, ask about your ex paying towards the mortgage as well as CM payments, to be honest my solicitor could see i was distressed and couldn't get my words out and so she did most of the asking questions and just giving me a rough idea of what to expect, i then email her when i have any more questions, after any meeting with her she then sends me a letter detailing it all broken down into digestible points, but obviously this costs every time, but she/he should be able to give you an idea of the cost to you so you can be scared shitless prepared for it, it takes a while to get your head around it all, good luck.

Hi

Ask if you are entitled to any of the following:

Equity in house
Part of his pension
Spousal Maintainence
Contribution to childcare (on top of child maintainence)

My sol said court are interested in what is fair, which is roughly 50/50 split of all assets. But with a bias toward the parent who has the child resident with them. As they put the needs of the child first and child has need for housing, for example. Also as you are the primary carer and are unable to earn as much they would probably weight things more in your favour.

Child maintainence is an obligation (you are automatically entitled to it) but other support (like spousal maintainence) is something you have to try to get. There is an online CSA calculator which will tell you how much he HAS to pay as a minimum. Think it's 20% of his salary. If he agrees to pay MORE than this- something you agree between you for example- you can have this written into the financial part of the divorce and it is then court ordered mainatinence and he has to pay it. Although I think there is a period of time (maybe 12 months later) when he can go back to court to reduce this higher payment if he later thinks it's excessive!

HTH x

yeah as far as CM is concerned i have 2 DC and its 20% of my exs take home pay,not sure if that differs depending on how many children you have,

Thanks everyone

At the moment xh has agreed to paying two thirds of mortgage, insurance, childcare and loan according to our wages (he earns twice as much as me) and I have agreed to taking over the bills on the house. He also looks after the car (as I don't drive ... although it's now firmly on my to do list for the next few months) - but I don't think its hit him what this really means to him and he'd never be able to get a flat of his own with this deal. I guess this early generosity doesn't last usually?

Is it too early to talk about dd in all this in legal terms?

Sounds like he is being quite generous there and like you say he will suddenly realise it is not sustainable at soem point. I would def speak to sol about what he is offering and what you will be entitled to.

Not too early at all. The court prefer you to arrange things between you, keep it all amicable. The only thing you should think about on that score is what do you want? Set days, set nights, suoervised contact.

My XH has impression he can swan in and out when he sees fit, cancel at last minute, arrive late. I am giving him a month to see if he bucks up ideas then will have to go via court. If you do get court involved there are consequences if they do not stick with the agreed contact.

Goat that's so crap for you. The idea of court terrifies me but have to face up it might be necessary in the future. I know xh's generosity is being driven by guilt at the mo but won't last and getting him to sign anything will be tricky enough as it is.

Maybe divorce is way forward then - gets it all in black and white - no arguements. What grounds will you divorce him for?

Your sol will offer advice based on your full story. She may advise court order for contact but if he is doing his bit now in regard to seeing DD, maybe she'll say leave it.

It'll be adultry - he's admitted it - even where (a detail I hadn't quite wanted )

or even adultery - my spelling has completely gone

where!! fucker

good luck - my sol was so lovely - feel really at ease with her. Hope it goes well x

Thanks and thanks for your help x

Can I add a bit here? If you dont want to go thru the divorce process now (which can take a long time), you can get a Financial Settlement, which is a legally binding document and will clearly state all his financial obligations to you and the DC's. You won't need to go to court for this, as long as u and DH (and the respective sol's) can agree to the terms.
If you can avoid the legal route (ie via a court), most sol's advise to do so, as its time consuming, expensive and stressful.
Hope that helps and best of luck!

Thank you JonahB - that sounds what I'm looking for. Not sure I'm up to divorce quite yet - it's such a big thing I can't quite grapple with yet.

My sol told me nothing is binding until divorce time. There is a deed of seperation available but it isn't binding - the court give it weight and there would need to be good reason to change it but it could be changed. especially in a circumstance where XH is paying over what the court would deem fair. My sol said financail settlement is part of divirce and only niding when at final stage. Night x