What would you do? My DP family have not spoken to us since chirstmas....

[Scruffyhound]

I have posted threads about my DS who is 5yrs and my DP's familys dog biting my son on chirstmas day. I have never trusted this dog and I did not want to go chirstmas day and kept saying it I felt sick before we went and said the dog is no good as she has had a go at my son before. I was re assured by everyone she will be ok and there are loads of us there to watch out just in case. I then felt stupid for not wanting to take my DS. We went and the dog was ok with my DS and DS even gave the dog a treat there was not problem for about an hour or 2. Then my DP's sister tickled my son and the dog jumped up and bit him. I said I wanted to leave and said in front of the family my DS is NEVER coming here again and im also 27 weeks pregnant also the baby will never visit. I dont like the dogs behaviour and the house is big and they could of put it somewhere. I own a dog my self and love doggies but I dont like this one and its not the dogs fault its the lack of training and denial that its a pain in the arse. But my real problem is that since its happened they have not even asked if DS is ok no nothing. Well this has pissed me off. If my dog ever did anything like that I would be sooo upset and quite ashamed and want to make sure the child is ok and depending on what happened decide if the dog was ment to be around kids. The dog also bit a little girl a while back during a summer BBQ but the Parents were away it was just DP and his sister I put the dog away and then got called a tight person for putting her in a room on her own with food and drink by DP's sister! Im very upset as I have given up where I live and moved here so as DP can keep his job and also he is near his family. Im close to my family and miss them I find DP's family weird they never visit here we always have to go there and they dont make an effort with me or DP and I think DP is blind to it. I would like to move back where I have lived before also my Ex husband who I have my DS with lives where I come from at the moment my DS travles every other weekend 1 1/2 to 2 hours up the motorway (we meet my ex half way) and feel its not fair for my DS either. What would you do in this situation? I also own a property where I come from Im renting it out so I could move here with DP (we rent out here). Sorry its a big post but got divorced once and dont want ot split up again with someone because thier family are weird. Im so confused at the moment and not sure what to do.

Would your DH be able to keep his job if you moved (would the move be easy or stressful because he'd have to look for a new job?) and is the place you own suitable for a family?

Actually I would probably report the dog and it's owners to the police for biting your son and the other little girl.

Does your husband realise how serious this is for your marriage? I would be tempted to go back home myself, but I appreciate it's not that easy for you. You must be regretting ever moving though.

These idiots obviously care more about the dog than any visiting children. You are dead right not to go back there or take your new baby when it comes.

Just have nothing to do with them and do not go there again. I woud report the dog too. What kind is it?

Thanks you guys. I was soo tempted to report the dog for biting the parents of the little girl were there and they were not sure if she had been bit or not but she said she had been. I said nothing about the dog before they came but could not rest no one saw the dog bite her but seh came around a tree screaming saying the dog had bit her. I dont know if it left a mark but I would not be suprised. The dog is a nasty dog. I am ready for moving back home I have a 3 bed terrace. I dont like the neighbours on one side that puts me off moving back as well but then I dont want to be here on my own with two children. I left ex as he never bothered with me and DS he enjoyed his computer games too much and would not bother with DS. So left. I miss having my family around but I dont want another child without a dad around. My DS loves my DP and they get on. Im not sure weather to leave it for another 6 months as my house is rented out for anohter 6 months and stay here and figure it all out. Maybe when baby comes I can decide. DP cant travel to work the petrol is too much we did think of that. He needs to get another job really. But its with the family firm here. Im fed up of giving up things to suit other people and them not even knowing it. Thanks though

Things have got worse now. My DP went to his mums today after work to "sort things out" he does not want us all to have a bad feeling. Which is fine and I still feel in the wrong I dont know why because I have done nothing wrong. He went around and told them I feel isolated before and since the dog biting my son. I was angry at him not because he has tried to sort things out but the fact that he went around there its now Jan the 7th my DS birthday (who the dog bit) is on the 11th of Jan. They have not been in contact once to see if my DS is ok and have not bothered and now my DP is going around there to tell them all this . They should know already really that its bang out of order please tell me Im not going mad. I told him his family are going to split us up and he always gives in. Im fed up of it. I want to go home where my son and my little baby will be loved and cared for I just dont want to do it on my own again. Im so upset I feel let down. Even though DP has been around this afternoon I still have heard nothing off his family. Im I going insane does anyone else think its weird?

Why are you so bothered about hearing from his family? I think you and your partner need to sort out your relationship. His parents are irrelevent here. He's a big boy and needs to sort out his own direction in life.
Stop thinking about his family and concentrate on sorting things out with your partner. If your partner won't support you then things won't work, even if his family never stop phoning you. You're focussing on the wrong thing.

I do think their behaviour is weird and completely off BUT I don't think this is your main issue.

Resentment can pull a relationship apart added to that you don't feel valued by his family (which you can live with) but by extension you don't feel valued by him as he's not sticking up for you - which is much harder to live with. I would suggest you need to have a serious chat about what you need from him as a partner and a father.

Things may change when your baby is born - lots of men seriously reassess their priorities when they have a child but I would really try to sort things out with him before that so you can feel he is prioritising you for yourself not just as the mother of his child.

In the meantime I really hope you and DS can enjoy his birthday and have a lovely day 9without any of DPs family!)

Well this is true but the fact that my son was bit by thier dog and no contact since then to see how my DS is do you not find that strange? Im expecting their gradchild and maybe I just cant get my head around the fact that they dont seem to give a toss. Im used to a family being caring or being bothered about a baby being born weather it be my mum, dad (even though he is schizophrenic he still cares and tries to help), cousins, auntys I just dont get it? Maybe thats what is upsetting me and the fact I gave up everything to move down here and now this. Its isolating. Maybe I expect too much from DP family and thought they would be happy and want to be involved? Thats what I dont get. And yes I have spoken to my partner today and said we need to sort things out he said he is not impressed with his family but wants us all to be ok with each other. I dont understand what I have done wrong?

It sounds as though you mainly moved because that's where your partners job is and his family are a bit irrelevent. They just happen to be near his job.
You maybe had unrealistic expectations of them before moving. I think you need to concentrate on deciding if your relationship is worth saving and if so ignore his family, get your partner to prioritise you and sort out a local group of friends so his family being uninterested doesn't bother you. If you don't like their dangerous dog then it's probably a good thing they aren't wanting you to visit them and the dog all the time. They really don't sound worth worrying about.

Thanks 2rebecca I know my partner is ok hes had a weird year with his family anyway he lived with his mum and step dad (who is usless and never really bothers with my DP) Dp step sister is nice but the step dad favours the Sister. My DP has had trouble dealing with this and feels like an outsider. He also met his real dad for the first time early this year he never met him before first time in 30yrs. So there is a bit more to it. Your right I dont care about them really I have seen how they treat him. Hes never done anything wrong and works hard for this step dad the problem is he keeps giving in to them and he wants us all to get on. Im not bothered and would prefer to get on with it and not rely on them at all. I agree with you its the fact hes trying to make me want to like his family and I dont know why?! I did like them and care for them then saw how they treated him and it started to annoy me he went on antidepressants he was so low about it. Hes been off them for ages now and still gives in. Thats the issue. I can carry on and ignor them but i dont think he will let me..... so that were the relationship is trouble.