Sorry this is a bit long: H and I have been getting on badly for a couple of years and need to sort things out before we get to the point of no return (we have, maturely, been hoping that by avoiding the issues they would go away..).
Background: From my perspective I feel that the dynamic of our relationship has changed since we moved overseas for h's job. I went from being the breadwinner on a fat cat salary to being an arsey and reluctant sahm. It seems to me that he no longer respects me - he often criticises my housekeeping, questions what i do all day (look after 2 dcs under 2.5, study for a masters, do some consultancy work, learn spanish) and i feel that nothing i do is good enough for him. I feel like his crap subordinate rather than an equal.
NYE was awful because I felt like I was treading on eggshells and trying not to enrage him more (he was in a foul mood all xmas), although the slightest and most innocuous comments seemed to set him off and he seemed determined to have a really shit time (he's not from the UK and I think has no desire to ever move back there).
It also feels like I don't get the emotional support i need/would like. Prior to the move I was very independent and (seemingly) very confident (with hindsight I probably should have let him in more). Now I need more emotional support but when I have reached out to him, feel that I have got the equivalent of a kicking; eg asked him for a hug (very unusual), he looked mildly contemptuous and moved away, asked him (ok, rather weepily) not to have a go at me for being late (he was yelling at me in the street for being 30 mins late due to traffic) and he told me not to "fucking beg" with a scornful look on his face. He is very rarely affectionate and i am definitely way down on the list after DS and DD.
Anyway, I have read the Lundy B book and bits of it rang true, luckily most did not (obviously i have just provided the 1 sided version, he can be lovely and kind and we still have a laugh together (occasionally)). So my question is what is the best approach to take from people who have been in a similar position? My NY resolution is to grow a pair (back) and stand up for myself. Being nice doesn't work, nor does shouting back. Thanks in advance.