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Original poster

Friend's Husband Doesn't Like Me

32 replies

tenpercentdiscount · 06/01/2011 11:39

I've got a difficult situation with a relatively new friend. I got to know another local mum about 4 months ago. We get on well and just before christmas she invited dh and I over for dinner. At first everything seemed fine but then her dh started texting people at the table and then said he found us boring.

The thing is although this friend and I still get on quite well we don't see each other often as our children go to different schools. In the past we have tended to meet up at each others houses for coffee. I feel that I should invite here here again with her children but don't want a return invitation to her house because her husband works from home and is always there.

What do I do about the friendship now. I really like her and she's apologised for her dh's behaviour but I never want to have to see him again. What do I say if/when she invites me to her house again. Advice please.

OP posts:
warthog · 06/01/2011 11:40

easier if you just meet outside your respective houses from now on. go to coffee shops etc. instead.

McHobbes · 06/01/2011 11:43

He actually said you were boring him? How rude!

I would breeze in and say 'hiya it's me again....how boring eh?' then laugh it off. Then work on charming him absolutely so he's totally mortified.

That's me though - I don't give a fuck.

JosieRosie · 06/01/2011 11:47

Sounds like a massive arsehole. I have a similar situation - cannot stand BF's husband and fairly sure the feeling's mutual, although he hasn't actually said anything explicit. I usually meet her for dinner/drinks so we're not in each others' houses. We occasionally get a dinner invitation to come to theirs - then I dread it but drink a lot grin and bear it for her sake

insanityrules · 06/01/2011 11:49

to put a different perspective on this, perhaps her husband is a controlling twat who doesn't like his wife to have friends, therefore goes out of his way to be rude and sarcastic so she loses her friends.
Stick by her and ignore her husband, or better still play him at his own game, if he makes conversation start yawning lol lol.

TragicallyHip · 06/01/2011 11:52

Her husband sounds like an arse! Can't believe he had the nerve tot say that to you!

Original poster
tenpercentdiscount · 06/01/2011 12:05

Yes, he did say it and there was I with a husband who is recovering from a spell of depression. Tbh it was the last thing he needed to hear and part of me had been hoping that we'd all become friends.

I think that in future we'll just arrange to meet up in a coffee shop. I'm a bit worried that if I start a charm offensive it might create a mis-understanding and he'll think I like him and this will only inflate his rather large ego even further. I wouldn't want him to think that I want his approval.

OP posts:
blinks · 06/01/2011 12:23

i have to say, it would put me right off pursuing the friendship but as someone else says, that probably what he wants.

what a dickhead

Bucharest · 06/01/2011 12:26

I dislike a fair few of my friend's husbands/partners and actively loathe one.

S'no big deal. It's not the husbands I'm friends with.

LittleMissHissyFit · 06/01/2011 12:35

Wonder if he does that with ALL her friends?

Sounds like an insecure, sorry little man.

TBH, I don't think you have to do anything other than treat him like something you stepped in.

To be so rude, to insult you at the diner table. IF he ever said anything again to you, I think you could be well within your rights to be clippy back.

If he was shocked by it, say well after the way you treated us at dinner, it was clear what you thought of us, so why would I be pandering to someone as rude as you.

Don't take that shit from him, see if that woman has other friends, he sounds like a bully.

Original poster
tenpercentdiscount · 06/01/2011 13:01

Bucharest, how to you deal with the husband that you loathe. Are you just polite or do you actively avoid him.

OP posts:
KangarooCaught · 06/01/2011 13:05

He sounds an tedious, ill-mannered bore. Wonder if she has few friends or ones he approves of?

Bucharest · 06/01/2011 13:18

I actively avoid him. He's a 65 yr old married to a 30 yr old who won't let her wear shorts in public and insists she puts his pants out for him in the morning and washes his feet when he comes home from work.

It's a rather particular situation! (he thinks she's spending too much time with me as I work on her self-esteem and make her realise what an arse he is)

Sarsaparilllla · 06/01/2011 13:22

OMG, how bloody rude!! What did she say? Was she embarrassed? I feel sorry for her, maybe he's like this with everyone and doesn't like her having friends :(

LoveBeingADaddysGirl · 06/01/2011 13:26

I can't believe that anyone would say that to a guest, how much longer did you stay? What has your friend said since?

Tbh he sounds like he needs to get out of the house more. I think I would struggle to remain close to someone who is with a person like that.

CointreauVersial · 06/01/2011 13:26

Was he being rude, or was he one of those awkward buggers who just say things like that to be funny/controversial?

Either way, don't waste any energy on him, just meet your friend in places where he won't be. You can avoid going to hers by explaining that you don't want to disturb her dh when he's working.

GreenButton · 06/01/2011 13:29

Bejaysus, he is a controlling arse - washing his feet! Shock

LittleMissHissyFit · 06/01/2011 18:44

My 'H' commented once that wives from his land wash their men's feet and actually his colombian GF had done so...

Think you can all imagine a few choice words he got back...

overweightnoverdrawn · 06/01/2011 19:06

buy him a foot spa for his birthday lol cheeky sod

snowpoint · 06/01/2011 19:10

Sounds like he is both socially ignorant and extraordinarily rude to invite people for dinner and then text at the table, much less declare them boring. Don't think for one minute that the problem lies with you!!

If you get on well with the friend, keep the friendship as just the two of you. It sounds like she might need a friend or two if she's married to such an idiot.

Nanny0gg · 06/01/2011 20:38

Did your friend make any excuses for her husband's rude behaviour?

Hullygully · 06/01/2011 20:42

I don't think I could forgive my friend for not making the husband lie on the floor and beg forgiveness, proffering excuses about brain aneursyms (sp) and sending endless bouquets.

lalalonglegs · 06/01/2011 21:02

If the friend said nothing it's either because she was absolutely mortified and/or she had seen him do it before. I agree that he probably has issues with his wife having friends - was he being boorish in other ways, drinking a lot, mouthing off opinions (apart from how boring you are)? Don't dump the friend, I think she probably needs all the friendship she can get.

heymango · 06/01/2011 21:05

How unbelievably rude! If your friend asks you over I would explain that I was not going to set foot in her house again on account of the arse that she is married to.

If she wants to see you, she's welcome at yours or to meet elsewhere. Not sure I would be too bothered about either of them though after that.

ItsGraceAgain · 06/01/2011 21:28

OP, you said she apologised for him, so I don't know why people keep asking! It must be very embarrassing for her to have to do that - he really does sound like an arse and I bet he is just as rude to her.

No way would I dump the wife because of the husband! Sounds like she needs a friend. I would explain that I didn't want to see pratface again, though.

Nanny0gg · 06/01/2011 21:35

OP, you said she apologised for him, so I don't know why people keep asking!

Mea Culpa! I hate it when people don't read posts properly! Blush

When she apologised, did she say that it was normal for him to behave like a twat so badly?

Whatever though, just see her away from home and if she suggests another foursome just say why you'd be uncomfortable with that.