Partner wants children and I don't

[HotchpotchHoney]

I have been with my partner for a little over a year now and we are engaged to be married but not yet living together full time.
I already have 4 children by my ex husband who i share custody with, but he works away a lot so the majority of the time they are with me (thankfully). Ages 13, 9, 4 and 1. My partner has sole custody of his son aged 8, so when we move in together there will be 5 children in the house already.
He said that he would like to us to have children (plural!!) of our own, and I had said I was unsure, at the time I had just had a baby so the last thing on my mind was having anymore but I did think I might change my mind.
Fast forward a year and I really do not want anymore children, we both work full time, all be it in good well paid jobs so we could afford to have more children and move house to accomadate them all, but I just think 5 is more than enough for me.
I have told him this several times and he still insists that if we were to have more then I wouldn't mind. And while I do agree to a certain extent I can't help thinking that if I did get pregnant then I might be resentful for the rest of my life.
This i having quite an effect on our relationship to the extent that I am reluctant to have sex with him incase we have an oopsy moment. (we only use condoms as hormonal contraception doesn;t agree with me and the coil was causing me to bleed constantly)
I really don't want to end our relationship but I can;t help feeling that I am being pressured into changing my mind.

If he wants dc's and you don't, there is no option but to end the relationship unless one of you is prepared to make an enormous compromise.

I can quite understand you not wanting any more dc's, am in a similar position myself but thankfully DP is accepting of that despite having none of his own. We had to have a difficult conversation early on, but I didn't feel it was fair to get into something which had no future.

As an aside, have you tried the copper coil? The Mirena made me bleed constantly but the copper one has been fine - no hormones and a real relief to get it sorted.

serious sit down talk needed it seems to see where we go from here. I think i am going to go down the sterilisation route.
we've been together since just after dd2 was born so hes like a dad to her and we keep having to correct her and say no not dadda but ...... i know shes not his actual flesh and blood but i thought he looked on her as his the same as the older three and the way i do with his son.

I agree that it is unworkable if one of you feel really very strongly either way.

I have 2 kids by 2 different relationships, and I know that having no. 3 with a future partner would (personally) be too complicated for me (there are already 3 different surnames in my house lol), so anyone I met would need to be sure they didn't want kids, or any more kids if they had their own.

However I think if you really love each other (he sounds like a good guy so far from what you have said) then one of you may decide to comprimise on the issue.

It's a tricky one

I feel for you and totally understand where you are coming from.

I met my partner a couple of years ago. I have two older kids and hers is/was much younger.

I was always clear from the outset that I didnt want more kids and I knew she would like to have another. I even had the long serious conversation before we agreed to live together that she shouldn't assume that I'd change my mind. And I made it clear that if it was a dealbreaker, then would be better than later.

She's accepted that I will have the snip later this year but she's not happy about it but she says she'll come to terms with it.

It kills me to know that she wants something so much but I cannot give it to her without completely sacrificing what I want if that makes sense. There just is no compromise on this issue. It's not like we can meet each other half way.

Perhaps after the talk with him, you need to put plans in place to get sterlised. That should focus his mind on the fact you will not be changing your mind.

Then if it is going to be a big deal and potentially a dealbreaker then at least you know now and not in x years time.

Good luck