Help... how do I make some new friends?

[LoveInAColdClimate]

Feel mildly pathetic writing this, but hey ho...

Have never really thought about how to make friends before... people have just come along through university or work or whatever and we've got along. But now I work at a much smaller firm than I used to, so I don't meet as many people, and loads of my friends seems to have moved away. My best friend is about to move an hour and a half away, so not a problem with seeing her some weekends, but not great for a mid-week glass of wine.

I do have some wonderful long term friends, but none live nearby so I see them for occasional whole weekends rather than on a weekday night. I really would like someone to meet up with for a drink on a wet Tuesday night rather than just people to see occasionally, however lovely it is when we do meet up.

I get on fine with DH's friends WAGs, but somehow don't seems to have really "clicked" with anyone to the point where I could imagine phoning them for a chat or going for a drink with them without DH and their husband. I have been for a few solo drinks or dinners with a couple of them, but somehow it never seems to have gone anywhere. A lot of them have more local friends or family and so tend to (understandably!) spend their free time with them, and I'm worried about looking pushy or desperate if I suggest meeting up.

I have been to an evening class (partly hoping to meet more people), but just didn't meet anyone I could imagine spending time with - they were all perfectly nice but mostly much older than me and tied up with their own families or still students who just wouldn't be interested in hanging out with me. I work quite long, erratic hours, so its a bit of a struggle to get out in time to get to a class every week, and annoying to commit to a course then miss half the sessions - although I would try again if people come back here and say they've found classes to be a great way to make friends.

No DCs yet (about to start TTC) so no mother and baby groups or anything to go to. DH works long hours, so when I finish at a decent time, I often find myself home along feeling a bit lonely. Sometimes it's lovely to have the night to myself after a hard day at work... but it would be lovelier if that was a choice rather than a necessity...

Has anyone found themselves in a similar situation? How did you make some new friends?

That is a tough one - it definitely does get harder as you grow older. What class did you try? I'm sure some are better for meeting people than others. Although it's probably best to do something you enjoy that will get you out of the house rather than doing something to try and make friends. Unfortunately the best way to make friends (like the best way to find a partner) is through people you already know. You say you've been out for drinks with a couple of WAGs of your DH's friends - maybe it would be worth trying to get yourself invited along to a girly night out with a group of their mates, perhaps you'll make friends with one of her friends or maybe click better as part of a group.

You could also join your local mumsnet site and get to know mumsnetters in your area:

www.mumsnet.com/Local

You'll have a really good chance of making some new friends when you get pregnant. Join the NCT groups and you can go to loads of playgroups to meet people.

Thank you, QueenStromba - yes, perhaps will try to get an invitation to something one of the WAGs are doing with their other friends (while trying not to sound like a desperate billy no mates shoehorning myself in to their life!). I will also join the local mumsnet site (had not considered that as assumed it would only be for actual mums rather than wannabees.). The class I joined was a craft one at the local arts centre, which I thought would be fab for meeting people... perhaps I should try something else.

Doigthebountyeater - we will have to get on with the TTC... Thank you - that does at least give me some hope for the future.

You could try joining a local gym - mine does (occasional) social events.

When I moved to the city I live in 2 years ago, I knew 2 people - both married men - and they didn't invite me to hang out very often! My work wasn't particularly sociable either.

I joined two feminist groups & met some really great people - men and women in them whom I know count amongst some of my closest friends. I know that some people don't like the idea of feminist groups but the people I have met through mine have been some of the most supportive, interesting and dynamic women I've ever come across.

I also did an evening class - a language - and although there were people my age there, there was no-one I really clicked with. I do a dance class and have started making friends at that but only after a few of us performed together at the end of last time.

I joined a tennis club as well and, although there are some very nice people in it, they are all nearly twice my age!

The feminist groups have been far and away the best way that I've made friends. 2 years on and I'm pretty busy with cinema, theatre, discussion groups, meals out, drinks etc.

Good luck!

Book groups are pretty effective ways of meeting people, and talking is guaranteed. Evening classes and gyms aren't too good for actually chatting to the other members, but book groups are. Join a couple, for balance and variety.

DP joined one about six years ago and now it seems that a huge proportion of our social lives are spinoffs ffom that, from cinema trips to camping weekends to parties to mountain biking and pubbing.

I was a member of 2 book groups at one point too, in the city where I used to live. I did meet some nice women at it but there were some odd guys and I acquired a stalker plus another guy who lunged at me twice when I was giving him a lift home (I should have let him walk the second time).

oooh oooh i joined a choir. that was brilliant for making friends. it was a no-skill-required choir, obv. a public auditioning wouldn't have won me any mates....

I joined a German class a few years ago and have made a couple of friends for life. Though admittedly we only clicked during during a class trip to Heidelberg

I also find FB a good way to get in touch with people and suggest meeting up. I got in touch on there with an old school friend I hadn't seen in 20 years. We are now a real support to one another and regularly meet for coffee.

Good luck!

Thank you everyone - sorry for delay in coming back. Will try to find a book group - not sure a choir would have me! Many thanks for all suggestions... hopefully 2011 will be the year of some new friendships.

Would about an extra evening job in a social environment e.g. pub, I used to do this pre-kids and made loads of friends through it that I still see now :)

TBH, WannabeaShootingStar, I work such long hours already I don't think I could squeeze in an extra job (plus think my day job actually prohibits moonlighting, even if I thought I could manage it!). But really good idea if I had the time! Thanks.

hi op - thanks for starting the thread - i could have written it myself, well almost. i have a dd already who is little and although i have met some great mum friends because im not at work or uni anymore i dont have that turnover of people coming along all the time to make friends with. i have realised today that one of my previously big friendships has gone a bit toxic and that well...you can always do with a few new friends so logged on to start a thread....

fwiw i did a film course a few years back to make friends when i was very bored - met one of my closest friends on it who has been a real guide in my life over the last 9 years. my point is, keep going with the evening activities/sport - it will happen eventually.

jessinavalon - i am totally inspired by your post to seek out a feminist group - how did you find them - on the net/paper??