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Original poster

"I'll put it in my diary!"

14 replies

ShushBaby · 05/01/2011 15:57

I feel like a total idiothole. Was talking to a good friend at a party the other night. We've been friends since we were 11 and have always been fairly close and part of the same group which meets regularly.

She is getting married to another friend of ours this year and I conversationally asked what date it was. But then when she told me, I for some reason responded with a cheery "I'll put it in my diary!".

She became very flustered and I instantly realised what a faux pas I had made, assuming we would be invited. She started talking about budgets and having large families, and as much as I tried to reassure her that we would not be remotely offended if they weren't able to invite us, I had obviously hit a raw nerve.

She called me today (this is unusual), and after a few minutes brought it up. She is obviously feeling awkward about the whole thing and it's on her mind. It seems we will probably be invited to the evening do but not the day do. This is of course fine, I'd never get in a strop over wedding invites or lack of.

But I hate the thought that I've added to her stress and really want her to know that she has no cause to feel guilty.

I'm seeing her tomorrow. Should I try to reassure her or will I risk digging myself a big hole? Best to just gloss over it?

[doofus emoticon]

OP posts:
PortBlacksand · 05/01/2011 16:00

Well - even if i wasn't invited to a friends wedding i would put it in my diary Smile You would need to remind yourself to send a card at least.

PortBlacksand · 05/01/2011 16:01

You could just waltz up to her and say hat bought, Brazilian booked - what time do you want me to help you get dressed Grin - depending on how you think she would take it obv....

ConnorTraceptive · 05/01/2011 16:02

Wait until the next time you see her and say breezily say "Oh guess what? After I rather rudely invited myself to your wedding I realised that we're going to for a week ha ha ha"

That way you let her off the hook without her feeling bad whilst acknowleding your faux pas!

(sorry did make me laugh though)

Pinkjenny · 05/01/2011 16:03

I did that once with a christening. I just never mentioned it again and neither did she. I am still slightly mortified when I remember it.

ConnorTraceptive · 05/01/2011 16:03

If it helps my dumb arse DH invited several people on his stag do that weren't invited to the wedding - that wasn't awkward at all Hmm

msboogie · 05/01/2011 16:39

Idiothole. I like that.

nbyet · 05/01/2011 17:34

Oh dear how embarrassing for both of you! How about instead of reassuring her, you could apologise yourself for having made her feel awkward? You could text her and say something like 'Hello love, just wanted to apologise for making you feel awkward yesterday. Really hope you are not worried about it any more, I should be the one who is embarrassed! Still laughing at myself for putting my foot in it! Looking forward to (whatever you are doing with her tomorrow). xx'

Original poster
ShushBaby · 05/01/2011 19:24

Good advice all. Think will being it up as soon as she gets here tomorrow and just be lighthearted and say something like "I feel like such a doofus, if budget doesn't allow for us to be there let's go out for a slap up dinner around the same time. And let's not mention it again". Bygones, as someone in Ally McBeal used to say.

On the other hand I could dress up as a bridesmaid and burst into a rendition of "here comes the bride" when she walks in, then go through my plans for her hen do which I will be planning as her maid of honour. No....?

I'm still cringeing though. "I'll put it in my diary!". It was the brightness of my tone that now makes me shudder the most.

And msboogie, I can't take credit for idiothole; Adam & Joe can.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShushBaby · 05/01/2011 19:25

bring it up. Not being it up. Idiothole.

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 05/01/2011 19:38

Oh, don't worry, if she's your friend you can just explain that:

  1. you realised the moment you'd said it that you'd said something stupid

  2. you are delighted to be invited to the evening do

  3. hope she has a wonderful time.

It was Richard Fish who said bygones, wasn't it? :)

TrillianAstra · 05/01/2011 19:41

I've been on hen nights where I wasn't invited to the wedding (or only went to the evening part), because mostly weddings are full of families and hen dos are full of friends.

susiedaisy · 05/01/2011 19:56

if she is getting married in a church i think that anyone can go and watch the ceremony i have done that in the past gone to see friends/neighbours get married but have not been invited to the actual receptions day or night, so you could imply that this is what you meant.

Gay40 · 05/01/2011 21:57

I think I'd go with the "it would go in my diary anyway to remind me to send a card" line.

JessinAvalon · 05/01/2011 22:02

I agree with those who said that you would probably want to at least send a card if she was a good friend, so saying that you'll put it in your diary is actually quite a nice thing to say.

I wouldn't worry too much about it (easy to say!) as I'm sure she's having this problem with a lot of people that she would like to invite but can't.

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