Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Fancy someone else....

11 replies

Mypad · 05/01/2011 11:08

Okay, i'm not sure what i'm asking or want to hear but i am feeling something totally new and unwanted.

I have been with dh fir 10 years and love him and fancy him. We have a fantastic marriage but i have recently been feeling something towards someone else -a friend of mine and dh. The past few days i can't stop thinking about it as i don't want to fancy someone else and feel incredibly guilty.

What can i do? I feel like a bad person and have let dh down.

OP posts:
ChickensAreFlyingUnderTheRadar · 05/01/2011 11:10

You can't help who you're attracted to. You can choose how to react to it, though. It might be a good idea to limit contact with this person, and try and distract yourself from thinking about them. You're a grown up, and you know that nothing good can come of mooning over another man. You're not a bad person, you're human. With eyes. And a libido.

Original poster
Mypad · 05/01/2011 11:16

I have never fancied anyone else since i've been with dh so it's just unsettling. I will try and limit the time i see this friend but will have to sometimes. - at school drop off etc and i am friends with his dw and my dd is friends with his dd.

OP posts:
ChickensAreFlyingUnderTheRadar · 05/01/2011 11:20

Is your marriage ok at the moment? Have you known this other person long? Has the attraction just happened, iyswim? Because if it has, yet you've known him a while, I'd probably be looking at my marriage to see if things had slipped a bit (normal enough in a long term relationship to hit a rocky patch).

Original poster
Mypad · 05/01/2011 11:27

My dh does work abroad so that means i am on my own for weeks at a time. When he is home i honestly can't say there is anything wrong with our marriage. We have always had a very strong and intense relatonship. When he is away we talk a few times every day.

We have been friends with this other family for about 3 years. It is quite recent i think ( that i have fancied him) i think what has made it worse is that for the past couple of months there has been some tension between me and this friend. I think there is something on his part to?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mypad · 05/01/2011 11:28

Thanks for your replies btw :)

OP posts:
Butterbur · 05/01/2011 11:28

It's normal. You don't go blind, just because you are in a long marriage. You can look, but don't touch. Stay out of his way, do not contact him in any way. Don't get onto the slippery slope of thinking, "Oh, I can just exchange mobile numbers/emails/meet him for coffee etc." You can't and that would be the start of infidelity.

If you ignore the feelings, they will go away eventually.

Original poster
Mypad · 05/01/2011 11:34

Butterbur i would never contact him but see him fairly regularly and i cannot change that. I would never have an affair. I am sure he would never have an affair. It's just awkward. I will try to ignore it and i'm really hoping it go's away soon.

OP posts:
beingsetup · 05/01/2011 11:46

You are lucky my! I think someone has removed my fancy gland Sad. I'm really trying to fancy someone, anyone and I just don't Sad

Dunno what's up with me anyway.

With regards to the other man has he done anything that would make you think he likes you? Did something happen? I'm sure if you thought about the reality of something actually happening it would be an eyeopener....

Anyway Im off to rummage around for my fancy gland.......

Original poster
Mypad · 05/01/2011 11:55

Being, by the power of the mind /broadband i send you my fancy gland. You can have it!

Nothing has happened with this friend although there has been some kind of tension i cannot explain other than it feels like sexual tension. This friend has been different with me recently in that it seems he is avoiding eye contact etc.

OP posts:
beingsetup · 05/01/2011 12:09

ooo thanks my :D

Im off to the dating site maybe it will all look better now haha ;)

He might be feeling embarrased at being with you alone?

Or like you?

One or t'other best to just jolly him out of it and stay friends :D

notasize10yetbutoneday · 05/01/2011 12:12

This happened to me recently too. I have beenw ith my DH for 8 years in a wonderful happy marriage and about a year ago started to fancy/have a crush on a friend's DH. Like you I think it was exacerbated by feeling that he felt/feels something for me as well. What helped was trying to avoid him as much as poss (I understand not possible if you see him at pick up and drop off, but can you stand with other people/be busy on your phone?)also what helped was, every time I thought about this other man, i would then make myself do something nice for DH or text him to say I was thinking about him, etc etc. It got me out of the habit of daybreaming about this man. It also opened my eyes to the fact that this man was far from perfect- I had been donning rose-tinted specs- and really was nothing to get excited about.

HTH.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread