How do I broach the issue of what this friendship is?

[hobbgoblin]

I have been separated from my long term partner for a few months now but it has been on/off for ages anyway.

During one of the 'off' phases when EXDP left me on holiday with our child, my children and his two children from previous marriage I met a couple who it turns out were on their last family holiday together as they were separated.

Anyway, I've kept in touch platonically with the male half of this ex-couple. We mostly chat online or email each other, but I have been to his new home with my children a couple of times and met his parents and friends. Our children get on really well.

I lost contact for a bit when my relationship ended because I needed thinking space devoid of all men. We're in touch again now and talk about resigning ourselves to online dating, etc. our wish for a loving family unit once more, xmas party snogs we've had and so on.

Anyway, it's my turn to invite him to where I live - all done 'so the children can get together again' - and I will do so before Half Term. We've talked about going camping all together in the summer.

What I'm not sure about is what the basis of our friendship is. He started signing off with kisses and we have strated talking late into the night online, also including some personal stuff but not sexual flirting iyswim - just testing boundaries maybe?

I feel that I would be open to more than friendship but would need to have a closer friendship in order to know for sure. I'm not sure what he feels.

To test the water I texted after one of our chats saying sorry if I was flirting. He replied saying he is and was flattered.

I am being very cautious, but is he or is her just not interested?

I really don't know the signs of a healthily progressing relationship. All previous for me have been swift progression, immediately sexual and bloody disastrous.

I admit that I am having a moment of wondering where my life is going which has led me to wonder what could be with this man.

Your thoughts would be helpful.

I'd just say see what happens, take it slow, and be aware that it could be a rebound for you both.

You could end up being friends. Could you talk to him about how you are thinking? Sounds like he may be having the same thoughts.

Tread carefully but don't rule it out. You are both single and your DC get on, however you're not used to dealing with each other as potential sexual partners. Still, mutual liking is not a bad basis for dating.

LittleMiss, this seems slower than a snail's pace in that our conversations have stayed on the same level for about a year now until very recently! But I accept this could be normal/ a good thing given the rebound potential.

SGB, how does one get used to dealing with one another as sexual partners without being sexual partners? I know that sounds dense, but what about the shift from friendship to sex? I'm starting to worry that I am so afraid of making similar mistakes to the past that I will desexualise the situation when actually it could be shagtastic.

We have talked about sex and what we like but it wasn't about US and sex iyswim. I guess that is sexual flirting, 'cept I dressed it up as a debate about feminism.

I think it will just happen if it is supposed to. I say relax and enjoy the company of a man that is not twatting you about.

He may not be Mr Right, nor even Mr Right Now, but you may be able to learn a few things from him, like how to be treated.

I could just quite like the having a reliable dependable man in my life you know. A man that was nice to the DC in a consistent way, that set a good example of fatherhood, that set a good example of how to treat women plus somebody to help me with things I prefer to defer to a man if possible such as DIY and shifting heavy stuff.

It is possibly me that has raced the sex along in the past come to think of it. I do miss it though (quite high libido I think).

Why don't you just suggest 'it would be nice to get together without the kids around' and see what he says.

Well, I could... but that would mean possible embarrassing rejection!

There's something nice about a slow burner. From what you've posted it sounds like he's definitely interested but you're right to want to take it slowly, and he probably does too.

Wait and see what the vibe is when you meet up.