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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

what to do..when a cheater has been cheated on?

11 replies

lostlostlost · 04/01/2011 21:46

I hardly know where to start...but to cut a long story short Ive been involved in an intense long distance relationship for just over a year now. In that time we've managed to meet up twice, the rest of the time has been online. He is single but I am married and have 2 ds's. He has told me, and the feeling is mutual that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and that there is no one else for him. I have told my DH¨that I was leaving him for the OM and so naturally things have been dreadful but I know that I cant go on with the deceit.

But a couple of months ago, OM's ex gf came back into his life after she split up from her bf. He seemed to be a bit more distant, telling me that he felt dead inside..insisting that he only wanted to be with me but messaging me less.

It was during this time that I had told my DH I wanted to split up and leave. I told the OM about this and he got upset saying he'd made decisions thinking that Id never actually be there for him, that his ex had said she would be there for him until I finally decided to go over there and be with him. This completely shattered me and after a dreadful discusion he pleaded with me to be with him, that he didnt want anyone else and that she was just a friend. In the meantime at home, my DH begged me to stay for 3 more months, if not for his sake for our DS's and to see if we couldnt work it out. In view of what was going on with the OM I agreed. I felt sick to the core .... as they say what comes around ...

Anyway OM stayed in touch, begging me to go there, until it turned out that he had slept with his ex, 2 days after I told him that I would leave my husband for him...I had asked him and he told me it had only happened once, that it didnt mean anything to him but this has left me feeling cheated on, maybe its just desserts but I cant get it out of my mind.

He's coming over here soon to be closer to me... he know'd I would never leave my DS's behind or take them away from their father and so he's determined to make it work but I am having trouble getting that image out of my mind, much as I love him....I wonder if this will ever fade or is it some kind of punishment for what Ive done to my DH?

OP posts:
isore · 04/01/2011 21:50

What a web we weave. Poor bloody kids.

Malificence · 04/01/2011 21:51

Aint karma a bitch?

Particles · 04/01/2011 21:54

Please work on your marriage. If you cannot then leave. This other man is not there for you in any real sense when you need him. Don't put your children through any more hardship.

tribpot · 04/01/2011 21:56

I think you need to spend some time - quite a long time - without either man, getting yourself together.

TheCrackFox · 04/01/2011 21:56

The two of you barely know each other - you have met him twice.

Get some therapy to help you stop living in a fantasy world as you are not 13 anymore.

earwicga · 04/01/2011 21:58

FFS! The internet relationship is crap and not real, the relationship with your husband is real and he deserves better from you. Ugh.

Curiositykilledhaskittens · 04/01/2011 22:00

I am of the opinion that if you are going to leave it should be for yourself not some possible relationship with someone else. Please to not drag your DS along for the ride. If you are leaving be on your own (i.e. Not with another man). Are you only leaving because of OM?

singingcat · 04/01/2011 22:04

work on your marriage

You cannot have loved this man if you only met him twice, sorry. He is obviously full of shit as well

LittleMissHissyFit · 04/01/2011 23:46

Erm, I rather think you got played love.

His GF never left...

fortyplus · 04/01/2011 23:53

He's a sad clingy loser seeking a bit of affection when unsure of his future with his gf.

You must be off your trolley to get in so deep when you've only met him twice.

Do the decent thing and leave your husband - you obviously don't care about him. It doesn't seem to me that you're showing much concern for the welfare of your children, either.

Time to grow up!

robberbutton · 04/01/2011 23:57

Glad to see other posters haven't! Grin

OP... nope, don't have the words. Hope you get this sorted without too much for pain for your DH and DSs.

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