Re-evaluating my relationship. Please help.

[outoflovenow]

Have namechanged, as DP knows my usual name.

I've been with DP for just over a year now, but recently something happened which has made me reconsider.
He and I are both 22, since he graduated last year he has been living with his parents, and working. I'm currently in my last year, quite a distance away (four hour train journey).
Given the pressures of a LDR, coupled with time constraints of a full time job (DP) and a degree course and part time job (me), the last eight months have been fairly difficult, only seeing each other for a weekend approx. once a month.

DP is a truly wonderful man, kind, considerate, gorgeous, exactly who I'd previously have loved to spend my life with.
Recently, though, I have made friends with another man, through a common interest, who has made me think again. Having been cheated on in the past I refused his advances (though the desire was there, IYKWIM), and I don't believe we (me and guy B) will ever be involved - but the feelings I had for him have led me to consider my feelings, and doubt my relationship with DP.

DP and I don't have much in common, though there is mutual love and respect, but seeing how much B and I had in common made me realise that DP and I have fairly different aims in life (in terms of jobs and how we envision our future), and I'm left wondering if it would be easier to end things now than struggle through the next few years.

I do wonder if this is just because our long-distance issue cannot feasibly be resolved for at least two years (given the training DP will shortly be doing for his career, and my plans for further education), and that this has caused my eye to wander? I honestly do not think I could cope with a LDR for another two years, it is heart-wrenching to think of the time we appear to spend in 'limbo', only texting or calling.

What should I do? Is it worth continuing an LDR with a wonderful man, even though it makes me unhappy?

I would say it's fine for you to cut yourself loose. You are both young, there is no need for you to tie yourself down in such an exclusive relationship just yet.

If in two years time you are both single then you could try again but in the meantime you could both be doing other things...

Thank you for your message, elephants.
That is something I have been wondering about, he is truly amazing and will be a brilliant husband and father in the future - but I need something different now, and there is no guarantee that he would want to get back together.
He will be devastated if we split up, though I have tried to raise the issues I have a number of times, he's one of the world's 'sweeping under the rug' people, always "we'll talk about it next month".

So in reality you've only spent just over a fortnight together then in the past eight months, and that's unlikely to improve any time soon.

If you're already aware you have little in common, I'd end it now tbh. It sounds sad but maybe it's just not the right relationship for you at the moment.

Ah love, look at the name you've chosen! That says it all really, doesn't it?

But you're far more mature than I was at your age (I'd have probably jumped into bed with OM and then felt all guilty and dramatic...)

Your P probably is great husband/father material - just not for you! By 22 I was married, well before either of us had decided what we wanted from life and it turned out we wanted very different things.

We split and it was painful but he went on to find a partner far more suited to him. Maybe your P should be given the same chance.

LDR's can work so long as both parties are clear from the outset how long it will be 'long distance' for, and what that will involve. And how it will end, i.e when you will be together fulltime if indeed that is the intention. If both people in the relationship are clued up on these things and are okay with it, then no problem. But that doesn't sound like the case for you, and you seem unable to contemplate two more years of this. If that's the case then on that basis alone I'd suggest ending things now. You are very young and deserve more than just a nice person - you deserve someone who is truly right for you.
Hope you can move forward in a way that makes you happy. :)

It doesn't sound like you are particularly committed to each other tbh, if you were that bothered you would make it work.
Lots of people manage long distance relationships with far longer gaps between seeing one another, forces relationships for one.
My DD is 21 and her boyfriend is 24, he finishes Uni this year, she has 2 years left - he is getting a job locally and they are getting a flat together in the summer - he is from Essex and they are at Uni in Derby, which is 40 miles away from our home.

There is always a way,if it is meant to be.

DH and I spent our first 2 years hundreds of miles apart and seeing each other a couple of times a month, he was in the Air force and 6 weeks after we married, he was sent to Germany and it took 4 months to get a house out there.

Malificence - I understand what you're saying, and obviously that is true in most cases, but please trust me when I say we are committed.
Initially, it was meant to be long-distance for just six months (which I was perfectly happy to do), then he would get a post in the city we studied in - and then complete his training there too, whilst I took a masters.
This soon changed to a year, but now he is saying he will go somewhere else for the training. I understand that the other place he has chosen may be better in terms of the qualification, and fully support him in doing so, but I'm not sure our relationship can survive this. I know it is selfish, but I can't help that feel he is 'moving the goalposts', to use a cliche.