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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mad or bad?

3 replies

AnotherEsmeralda · 04/01/2011 16:28

Hello everyone! This is my first post, although I've been very interested in reading some of the threads over the last few weeks.

Anyway, I'd really appreciate your support right now. Not necessarily advice, as you don't know the full picture . . . but maybe you've "been there, done that, got the T-shirt".

Basically, we have a close family friend (DF), aged 60, whose behaviour is getting a bit weird. He's reasonably okay 99% of the time, but increasingly "blows up" and gets verbally aggressive. It's like a switch trips in his brain, and he becomes another person for 20 minutes. DF has suffered from depression on-and-off, for many years, but this aggression is something new.

For example, at New Year we arranged a day out with other friends, and DF needed to travel here by train. He announced that he'd be arriving mid-morning on the day before, and when I commented that was a bit early, he "exploded". I had no right to tell DF which train to travel on - it was none of my business. And it was ridiculous of me to suggest that he was being aggressive, since I was being over-sensitive. (This is very over-simplified, but you get the picture).

If this was DF's normal personality, I'd end the friendship instantly. However, I'm really worried that it's the onset of dementia - and don't wish to abandon someone who is ill. He's been referred for psychiatric assessment, but in the meantime, we're struggling to cope with his behaviour.

I've read some fascinating threads on here, from women who didn't realise that they were being subject to emotional abuse. Actually, that's exactly how I feel right now, and I "tread on egg-shells" to avoid setting him off.

So, I'd be really grateful to hear of similar experiences. And advice too, although I've only posted the basic details.

Many thanks!

OP posts:
ItsGraceAgain · 04/01/2011 16:39

Sad story. It does sound like early alzheimer's - is he forgetting obvious facts on a random basis? Could he have forgotten which day he was supposed to be coming, then covered up with his tantrum?

There are plenty of other possible causes, from diabetes to a breakdown. I'm glad he's going for proper assessment. It's hard on you but, as you say, you are being abused and you will have to 'detach' yourself by not expecting him to be rational :(

AnotherEsmeralda · 06/01/2011 19:36

Thank you, Grace!

At least I could choose to walk away . . . which is not really an option, if it's your parent or partner

OP posts:
2posh2post · 06/01/2011 20:43

My father was increasingly like that in the 2 or 3 years before he had a brain tumour diagnosed. It was pressing on his temporal lobe which is what caused the aggression. I am glad that your friend is getting help although he may need to see a more general doctor than a psychiatrist if it is something physical. Oddly, an eye test might be a good idea too (how my father's tumour was first spotted).

It doesn't make it any easier for you though!

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