why?

[mugface]

my mum and dad used live around the corner from me. I used to visit often. after 25 years of marriage they split up and now my dad lives about 20 miles away with his new partner.

He never made much effort with me, my sons or my brother when he lived close but it wasn't so noticeable iyswim.

I don't drive so it's a fairly long bus ride to go see him. he does drive but he NEVER visits me!
i sometimes don't hear from him for months. If i do it's because i text, rang, e-mailed him first.

He tells me about himself, his boat etc but NEVER EVER asks about me!

I can't understand it. He barely knows his grandchildren and i miss him.

What makes it worse is that dh sees him every day as my dad is his manager at work. dh comes home slagging him off everyday.

I don't think it's personal because he is the same with my brother. I keep trying because if he suddenly wasn't here anymore i want to know that i DID make some effort.

sorry, rant over.

Hi Mugface - Sorry I have nothing useful to say but i thought i would bump this for you cos its about to disappear off the top 50 list

hi hun. my parents split up when i was about 7, finally divorced this year after 12 years of seperation. i never hardly saw my dad, and even now that im older and have dd, i still rarely hear from him. when i do, i never get a "how r u and dd" either.

i dont know what your dad is like, but have you tried telling him that you want a father-daughter relationship with him. my dad has never been very paternal since he left us all at such young ages so i dont expect him to know how to be a father to me now even if he tried. if that makes sense. he texted me on my 21st, and told me he loved me, which i hadnt heard from him since he was still with my mum. ive still got that message saved in my phone even now

i think your dh is just moaning cos your dad is his boss. we all moan about our bosses/work at the best of times so i wouldnt take that personal.

im sorry i cant be of much help, but my only suggestion is either asking him to come over so you can talk and see him, or telling him how you feel xxx

I am in same situation (although have to admit, since ds arrived he HAS made more effort).

I used to go for months without seeing my Dad and it got the point where i only saw him on Birthdays and Christmas. When i got pregnant he seemed more interested in me, and phoned once a month. Anyway, had ds, he came to see me twice in one week ......forward two months and he had a heart attack. He is ok. But i have vowed to make more effort with him. You only get one Dad. And i don't want ds to miss out either. So we've been to see my Dad every week since then, and he soooo loves ds now.

Makes me happy to be involved with him again

Sorry, that should really be WAS in same situation. I at least think its been sorted now!

I dont know how old you are mugface, but I found that as I got older I just acceppted it, because couldnt keep on feeling the hurt.
Its a hard situation to be in really, as you cant make some fathers to be paternal. Mine certainly isnt. He & my mum split when I was about 4-he never bothered whether I had a pair of shoes to my feet. Sometimes I find that hard to accept, when Ive got such lovely dh who clearly shows his love & affection to all his dc.

Does his new partner not encourage him either?
My dad has just started a relationship recently, & she's great, she makes him pay for what Ive missed out on. She wears the trousers.She tells him to get his hand in his pocket & help us out when weve been struggling financially.
But my dad is a "mans man" IYKWIM. hes so normal with me, then when my dh appears he's all smiles & chatty.
Just cant way some of them up-can you.
Sorry to ramble,