ex trying to cut me out and ruin me

[clairelou87]

Hello all, really could do with some advice.
I am the mother of a 7mnth old lovely little girl who
I adore more than life itself. Her father has anger issues
Towards me but must admit he is a great father.
I had a touch and go pregnancy and since have iron def and
B12 def so feeling altogether low. He is abusive and threatning
And I fear I am suffering pnd which he has used against me.
I am due to go bk to wrk part time in a month and he wants to have
Her while I am at wrk. He will not bring her back and thinks three
Days that I have offered him is not enough....where do I stand?
Can he take my child from me? If I choose to go bk to work
he is threatning to come to the house and f me up, I want my daughter
To have a relationship with him as I do feel he is great with her
However he wants to take her from me...under what grounds can he
Do so and can I limit visitation? I feel three days is more than enough
Pls feel free to ask more I hope I can come to a solution as it is really stressing me
Out

hi there you will get lots of good advice from mn but i wanted to add that the fact you felt suicidal does not demonstrate your abilities as a mother i to have had my dh try and use that against me when he threatened to take my ds i spoke to my lawyer and she advised that he could not use this against me as its it was caused by a situation that he caused. im not saying my sit was exactly the same as yours but untill you speak to a lawyer and get all the legal fact he will continue to use this against you. once he knows that you have the facts he wont be so quick to use these threats.

Thankyou I too know for a fact it is him who caused my emotional
State to weaken...I will follow all your advice and hope
He sees sense and accepts I am not going to lay back and take it anymore
Thankyou all once again
I am feeling more positive already that I know there are ways out of this
Situation
Xxx

please, please OP do not try to deal with this on your own. He knows how to manipulate and hurt you. Seek the help that is out there or he will grind you down.

Yes I knw he will he has done a pretty good job already and
Its only been 7mnths, I have been with him for 4yrs and only
Now this side of him comes to light
Now I'm doing it for me and my daughter
I know I could not do it alone, its dreadful

Morning Clairelou. Please dont just 'hope' he sees sense, he wont. Its only by you taking control of the situation that you will start to feel better. Allowing him to drive the outcome of your situation just makes it continue, and may even escalate it. Its so hard with you feeling poorly, but please try to do it for your DD if not for yourself. You take care.

Claire please, if you do go ahead and have a "face to face" with him as he asked make sure you are not alone with him. Have some people with you. Can you get friends or relatives? Someone calm and sensible.

Thankyou I will do. He needs to be stopped
In time I know I will feel better but its just hard
Right now. I know all you guys are right and taking the
First steps are the most daunghtin but I have to do
What is best for me and my daughter in the long run
She needs a healthy happy mum again and she will get it
Xxx

I agree you should not go alone to a face to face with him. And you should not do it in your house. And not with your precious dd present.

You have escaped a violent man.

It does not matter that he does not want to be a weekend dad. Get legal advice, and get help to set up a proper access agreement. I think the norm is every wednesday afternoon and every second weekend.

He does not have any "rights", only responsibilities to his child.

Solicitor, CAB and womens aid, sorry you are going through this.

If you allow your daughter to be with a person who is known to be violent YOU are failing to protect.
See a solicitor as soon as possible - pref one experienced in family law. Then phone your local Childrens Services - they will probably tell you to beggar off but if anythibg happens to you or her at least you tried.
If he threatens you with violence dial 999 immediately, in some areas Police are very good and will get rid of him for you. If they want you to press charges then GO FOR IT. - A family court will look less favourably on a residency application from an aggressive knob.
Please get legal advice as soon as pos.