what should i do now.

[zabrina]

I'm hoping someone can offer advice.

Four months ago my world crumbled and I?m struggling to deal with everything.

I found out that my fiancé of 8 years had been cheating on me in various ways, online dating, contacting exes and planning to start a new life with someone he had met online to the extent of arranging visas, ect. Ultimately he did not leave but was still in contact with her.

When I confronted him he said that he was not serious and was just playing silly games. His response is of embarrassment rather than regret. Initially I asked him to leave, but he refused saying that if I wanted to break up the family than I should leave.

Life has been awful since then, although he has been very open - admitting to 30k of debt that I knew nothing about, I cannot forget or forgive what he has done and I fell like I don?t know him anymore.
I go from definitely wanting to separate, to panicking on how i will cope without him.

While reading your post I could feel my jaw slowly dropping until you got to the 30k of debt...then I had to pick my chin up off the floor.

You panic about how you will cope without him - how will you cope with him?

I'm horrified and so sad for you.

What family? do you have DC?

If not, no brainer.

Door. And tell him to take all of his debts with him, you are not married to him, and they are his and his alone.

You found out four months ago and you're still there? Hope he is not still in your bed?
Does he realise the magnitude of what he has done?
Arranging visas for someone is most definitely not "silly games".

He clearly doesnt care about you

Do you want to be jointly responsible for his massive debts? If not, don't marry him

IF YOU HAVE NO CHILDREN GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP NOW!!!!!

I wouldn't hang about even with children. Either that or get him to agree to counselling to deal with the issues.

Your situation is rather too similar to mine for comfort. Is the debt related to his spending on OW?

My 'd'h made the decision and left but really there was no option because how can we stay in a relationship when the trust has so cruely and disrespectfully broken?

He is not wanting to take responsibility for his actions by suggesting you should be the one who leaves!

Can you forgive him for what he's done?

Will he ever change?

Is there a future for your relationship?

Sometimes there is no choice - seperation may be the only option (?) I'm coming to terms with this myself and it is awful, but after such deceit there is no alternative.

I agree with proudnscary - children or not I would be out of there.

proudnscary lagrandissima

Yes we have 2 children aged 6 and 2, I say i dont know how i'll cope without him because work long hours and he does a lot of the childcare. He spends more time with the children and they are closer to him than me.

I hate what he has done and he really does not see what he has done as cause for the end of our relationship.

On previous attemps to get him to leave, he begs and cries and then insists he will look for somewhere to live but never does.

How can i force him to leave?

Who owns/rents the house?

oh and the debt is mainly due to failed business ideas, however he has spent money an other women.

He insists he has never had sex with anyone whilst being with me but i find that hard to believe.

We rent, the contract is in both names but he pays through his bank account.

I'm not sure how you can get him to leave, except wait until the contract on the house has run out and then get somewhere else. When does it end?

I think it was renewed a few months ago. I really wouldn't want to move house for childrens sake. But I think I will need to move as it's the only way out.

We moved 100 miles away from family and friends a few years ago, so I don't have much support close by. If we split I would have to quit my job as I could not find childcare so early in the morning and late at night.

I'm really terrified of struggling on my own.

Go to the CAB and ask what help you are entitled to.

You must not put up with this.