DH doesn't remember when I told him I was pg and other stories...

[sweetandtenderhooligan]

I love him but can't help thinking he's not actually the right man for me. We met as teens and now both in our 30s I feel unfulfilled and bored. He is very happy and can't see what my problem is. There is no romance at all and we rarely even have a conversation. He doesn't help much with dc, just comes home from work has his dinner and sits in front of the tv all night. I've told him that I miss the spark we once had, that I'd like him to be more romantic, more spontaneous. He doesn't get it. A few years ago I was shocked to learn he couldn't remember the day I told him I was pg with dd. He was there, waiting, when I came running out of the bathroom with the positive result. How can such a significant not be retained in his memory? I made it clear at the time how upset I was about it. Yesterday a similar discussion came up and it turns out he can't remember me announcing my pg with ds, now only 5 months old. I think he takes his whole life for granted, me the kids and all that we have. Does he need a massive kick up the arse? Or do I? Are all men like this? My experience is limited as he was my first proper love. Would appreciate your thoughts. Sorry if this is muddled or unclear. Typing from my phone.

I don't think not remembering the pregnancy announcement is in the least bit significant. I would not criticise him for this .

Not helping with the kids, not having conversations and sitting in front of the TV all night are more of a concern.

Talk to him, calmly about how you feel. ASK him for help. Just plonk the baby in his arms and tell him you need an hour or two to yourself sometimes.

Get a babysitter and go out for a nice meal. Plan it in advance

Remember , it's not easy having a small baby. Be kind to yourself and to each other . If the spark was once there, there is hope!

People don't always remember the same things - it doesn't mean your children aren't important to him. I think details of events just stick in some (more often women's) heads more than others (usually men's). from an old musical illustrates the point! I doubt very much whether XH would have remembered the times I announced any of my pregnancies, nor even much about the births he was present at, but he adored all his babies and, after an initial spat in which a few facts of life were expounded , was very hands-on.

Whether you want different things out of life now, though, is another issue. It's great that he has such a comfortable life that he doesn't seem to be missing anything, but not if only one partner is enjoying it. Somebody needs to be doing something... what? What would you like him to do? Sadly he seems a bit too comfortable in front of the telly to even think much about what "spontaneous" means. Insist on a weekly date night perhaps, or take up a hobby that keeps you stimulated and/or exhausts you so you're glad to come home to a contented, undemanding bloke? I don't know what would work for you, but no doubt you've heard the old saying that men need things spelled out. Sparks don't reignite in a vacuum.

Or, yeah, what Jasper said.