I think I need some more friends - how do I do this?

[BertieBottlesOfMulledWine]

I'm feeling really crap tonight and I have decided that my new year's resolution is to make some new friends and improve the relationships I have with my existing friends.

I'm just sat in the house, haven't had an adult conversation in 2 days and haven't got anything concrete lined up to do until I go back to uni on the 10th. My boyfriend was supposed to be possibly coming over tonight but he has just texted saying as he's had practically no sleep for the last two days he's going for a little nap and he'll hopefully speak to me later (I have a feeling he might sleep until after I'm in bed, TBH, or he'll be so awake from his nap that he won't want to come over when I want to sleep). I don't begrudge him this as he's had friends over from overseas who he hasn't seen for ages, it's just frustrating for me because I was counting on being able to speak to him tonight even if he didn't come round, and I can't think of a single person I could phone or contact now.

Have just texted a couple of friends to see if they want to meet up next week. So that's a start. Just so fed up of feeling like I don't have that many friends and when I do make friends with someone it seems to take me ages to get to the level that I feel I can ask them round for a coffee, and I don't have anybody I feel I could just phone up for a chat, I haven't since I was at school. How do you know when you are at this stage in a friendship? Or, indeed, the coffee stage??

try doing more so that you meet more people - set a target - say meet so many people a week and ask at least one for coffee - just come out with it and see - if you do not know the person that well then it will nto matter so much if they say no

What do you mean by doing more so you meet more people? And can you really ask someone for coffee if you've only met them once, because I'd feel really odd doing that.

I didn't want to not answer. I felt like this last year and what I did was made a promise to myself that every friendship opportunity I would follow up.
I realised that the littlest excuse I would cancel plans to go out and stay home which left me quite isolated.
I have made an effort with the friends I had and over the course of a year made 3 good friends and a few friends that I can arrange to meet up.
I chatted more to mums at school gate and mentioned that a night out would be a nice idea to one and then invited 2 others on that night out. This as become a regular foursome and we go out for dinner every few months and spend a day together in the school holidays with the kids as well as a few coffees along the way.
I met a woman in hospital and we had a few things in common and she left me a note asking if I wanted to meet for a coffee and her number. We met for coffee, then lunch, then a BBQ for her birthday and this has settled into a nice friendship and we meet regularly. This developed much like a romantic relationship with gentle meetings that got progressively longer once we got to know each other. Through this friendship I met another woman and we sometimes all get together.

It is daunting at first and my DP can sometimes be when I am making an effort to meet someone I have only met once but I'm glad I have and I hardly ever feel that way anymore. I have also made an effort with his friends partners and that has made social events nicer with him and we all chat by email etc and have had a few nights out.

I am guessing that opportunities to make new friends or build on existing friendships were always there but I hadn't been open to them till now.

Good luck!

This is silly, I'm one of the most sociable people I know, I talk to anybody, just as long as either someone introduces me or there is a conversation I can already join in with, I just hate doing the initial bit or pushing it if I'm not sure they're interested. (or that they are at least going to pretend, to be polite!)

I've lived next door to someone for a year who seems lovely, she has 2 boys one of who is a similar age to my DS, we always say hello in the street, call around to borrow things etc, but I still haven't worked up the courage to ask if she wants a coffee/for our DCs to play together some time! I just have no idea what to say or when. Could I drop a note through her door or is that a silly idea?

Are there any people that you know in passing that you could invite for a coffee?

Friends that you do already plan to meet up with try and get them to bring another friend.

I think more people feel like you than they let on. Facebook and things don't help.

A note through the door is a good idea with a suggestion for something you's could do with the children.

Bertie - I don't have much advice but just wanted to say that you are not alone in feeling this way - I think many of us would like to make more friends, but it can be surprisingly difficult. I think the only thing to do is to do what goandplay already mentioned - just follow up every possible opportunity, and also to take care of existing friendships.

Do you ever perhaps take the kids to soft play or the park or similar by yourself?

If so, then perhaps you could tell next door or another acquaintance that you are going and if they wanted to join you that would be great. Rather than feeling worried they may not take you up on your offer, you would have decided that you ARE taking the kids already, and if so-and-so pitches up, all the better. If not, it is not an issue because you already had plans to go there by yourself.

Did I express myself properly??

Good luck! (I think I may try and acquire a new lot of friends myself this year! Great idea. I also sometimes feel a bit On my Own!)

Sorry x-posted. Thank you for your long and thoughtful post Goandplay :) And Daydreaming - I am glad to hear I am not alone!

Yes I think facebook makes things more distant. It's great for keeping in touch with people who live further away but I find myself adding more local people on it too and then it's difficult to judge whether or not to go for the next stage of asking if they want to do something in real life.

That is a really good idea numberfour - actually there is a soft play centre about a five minute walk away so I could definitely do that. I've never taken DS alone because I think I would feel like a bit of a lemon sat there by myself, but I guess I could always take a book or something.

Numberfour's suggestion is a good one, or start by asking your neighbour round for a coffee. From what you've said she'll probably take you up on your offer, and if not, so what?

I am a childminder so it is probably easier for me to take the children to soft play "by myself", but I do see other mums there by themselves. Also, you could also have a play with DS!!! :)

one word- www.meetup.com