I need some practical help

[lanarkshiremum]

The other night my DH called my 11 year old DD a C*, she started crying and I got mad, I threw his glass of wine in his face and he kicked me in the face and burst my lip - blood everywhere (this is all in front of the 2 kids)
Then DH told DD that it was all her fault, he has not said sorry to me although I had to aplogise about the wine, and I guess it all comes down to that - drink!! He drinks A LOT. I wonder if he is an alcoholic (have never said that out loud before)
I am so sick of tiptoeing around and begging the kids to behave so he does not go off on one!

I am Self Employed, but with the Economic Climate don't actually earn a lot, but I am also with the kids.

Practically I don't know what to do, where to go, I feel so embaressed and ashamed about everything (it's not the first time he has hurt me and puts me down at every opportunity, says I am Frigid although all he does is drink)

Would I be entitled to any financial help? In debt up to our eyes, I just don't know what to do

How horrendous
Speak to women's aid They will be able to help or call them on 0808 2000 247

I'm guessing you're in Scotland, so here is a link to the Scottish Women's Aid homepage.

You're living with a violent alcoholic and for your sake, and particularly that of your children, you need to get away from him.

I would report the assault to the police and have him arrested. But if you don't feel able to do that, you must get away. Give Women's Aid a call: 0800 027 1234.

The first thing you need to do is to get out and quick. Have you any money in a bank account that you could access quickly just to tide you over for a while? This sounds horrendous lanarkshiremum. He kicked you in the face? In front of the 2 kids? I couldn't believe I was reading that, what an absolute twat he sounds. And to tell an 11 year old child it was her fault that he kicked you in the face? Spineless bastard.

You need to do is to protect yourself and your dc's from this and quick - you can't go through this and you can't expect your dc's to witness it and not be affected by it.

I don't know what help I can give you as I have no experience with this. Please report this attack to the police so you have something on record for the future - it needs to be logged so solicitors etc can see the reason why you had to leave. You could contact Womans Aid who will help you sort out the financial side of things.

You would be entitled to some financial help I am sure - plus he would have to contribute towards the dc's.

Please take care and please get out of there now.

He is a b***d of the first order.

I echo what the other ladies have said and contact WA.

Your DC are you primary concern as well as yourself. I was in a abusive relationship and IT DOESNT GET ANY BETTER or lessen. Once it has happened it will continual to happen ............ especially if it is alcohol fused.

Please take care of yourself and your DC and get as far away from this monster as quickly as possible.

TC and Good Luck.

Sorry for your situation LM but you need to act to help your DCs. They are going to be damaged by this man. You must put them first even if you feel able to cope with this abusive alcoholic bully.

Could you stay with family? You should consider ringing the police to log the assault, and maybe see your doctor on tuesday (or out of hours service over the holiday weekend) to have your injuries documented. Womens Aid will tell you what to do to get away. Please please take this as seriously as possible before one of your kids gets hurt or you get even more badly injured.

Sending you love and strength

Jeez. He's a first class cunt, isn;'t he?

trulyscrummy that is the first almost sensible post of yours that I have seen.
Shame about the language

Challenging language, challenging 'man'. I'd be tempted to 'let slip' to those closest to him that he has to demonstrate his 'masculinity' by violence. I retort - cunt

Responding to abuse with abuse(throwing a glass of wine in his face in front of dc) is not a good thing. Once you have removed yourself and dc to safety away from this terrible man, please work through what led you to do that so that it never happens again

TBH hairyfairy, if my DH called my 11yo a c*, I'd throw something at him too. And I've done anything like that.

Nice. There is never any excuse for dv.

Totally with you polly

throwing a glass of wine is pretty mild, l would have been tempted to use my fist.

I know I was wrong to throw the wine, but TBH I think it was the fact that it was the wine that made him react like that.
He drinks a box of wine (approx 24 glasses every night) and thinks that is nothing to worry about. It is because we are very in debt and he is aggresive. I was just so angry that he has upset my wee girl like that.
I have chatted to DD about what is happening and she will stick by whatver decision I make. I know there is only 1 choice because otherwise my kids will think it is OK for a man to hurt a woman, and it never is

I will go to the Police station on Wednesday and also will call to see what help we can get.

It's going to be a long hard road, but me and the kids deserve to be happy

I would like to say thanks to all that replied, I don't have anyone that I can talk to and your advice and support is very appreciated

24 glasses of wine a night? Fucking hell. He's a serious, major, life threatening alcoholic. I'm surprised he's still alive. Get OUT and get your kids out of this situation. This 'man' is no kind of husband or father, and he's far too deep in the grips of lcoholism to change anytime soon.

Bless your DD for saying that she'd stick by any decision you make - but that statement makes it sound like she is putting way too much responsibility for the situation onto herself.

Also it concerns me greatly that you are begging your DC to behave so that your H doesn't kick off. Sorry to say it, but by doing this you are colluding in the illusion that your H's actions are their fault, whereas we all know they are nothing of the sort. (Unintentionally I know, as it is obvious that your love your DC)

Honestly, you really need to take control here and take decisive action to show to your DC that your H's actions are not acceptable and also that his actions are nothing to do with them.

Although it was obviously the wrong thing to do, I do understand why you threw the wine at your H. You know that it was not a great thing for your DC to witness - but I see the rage at him calling your DD such a hateful name.

A far better way to retaliate now would be to hold the moral highground. Contact the police. Contact Women's Aid. Get your poor kids out of this toxic situation. Your H is not going to change. This situation is not going to change and your DC are getting very fucked up messages about what relationships are about.

I have utmost sympathy for you in your situation - it must be hell - but you are the only one who can change it (let's face it, your H is far too self-absorbed to do anything positive). You have been given some great advice on this thread and you owe it to yourself and your DC to take the energy of the New Year and to get this awful "man" out of your lives.

Advice here is good and I don't have much to add other than it sounds horrific and you mustn't second guess yourself on that as getting yourself and your kids out of this situation is exactly the right thing to do.

Sorry you had to experience this :( and good luck x

lanarkshiremum I've been thinking of you and your DC and I hope you're all OK.

How is it all going for you? Did you manage to get to the police station and to make any calls on Wednesday?

Lanarkshiremum, I'm thinking of you too and think you're really strong and brave for posting on here :)
Yes I'm fairly sure you'll be entitled to financial help too and Women's Aid and CAB/Job Centre plus will help.

My boyfriend was abusive towards me during my pregnancy and a domestic violence organisation called Mozaic helped me. Here's the website and tel nos:
www.mozaic.org.uk/index.html
0207 188 7710 or 0207 188 9181 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm)

Hugs,

S xx

I've lived with an alcoholic for 12 years and there is always an excuse for drinking, it doesn't get any better it isn't anyones fault but their own. Because they are alcoholics they are generally in total denial and have no idea what damage they are causing to themselves and their family. Also live with verbal abuse and some level of physical abuse, my DH sad the 'F' work twice infront of my 3 year old DS the other morning, called him it! Finally summoning up the courage to deal with this. Counselling at relate has helped and have had a free half hr with a solicitor - lots offer this. Can't believe what I put up with, we deserve better!
Best wishes