Do i tell?

[ashes]

My best friend and i have our children at the same school. While my children are very quite hers are very boisterous and - i must admit - a bit naughty. Which suits my children, it kind of wakes them up a bit, and always have sleep overs at each other houses.

I was talking to a few mothers a few days ago, who know about our friendship, and they absolutely teared my friend's skin to pieces, I defended my friend and denied some of the horrible things that were being said, they said pretty strong stuff about her dd1 and even asked me how I could allow my children to mix with such common/rude people!!!!

But some other things that were said were true, which i also denied for my friend's sake. Like marital problems and stuff like that.

I wonder if i should tell my friend the things that are being said about her and her children?

What would you do?

What would be the purpose of telling her?

Do you think it would help her in anyway to know what these people were saying?

I often wonder the motives of a person who makes a point of telling someone that "such and such said this about you".

Dont do it IMO.

Well, if it was just her I would leave as it is, but, the fact that these women were saying such awful things about her children.

And the worse thing is that they are really nice to my friend when she's there! They are always going: Oh, let's have a coffee tomorrow!!! or Let's have lunch!!!!

And then they say these things about her!

It drives me maaaaad

Hmmm. It is a tricky one. Are they 2faced? You defo did the right and brave thing. I dint think you should tell her. It would upset her and they seem to have been bitching about things that she cant help "common/ marital problems" etc.

If it were me, I'd want to know that people who were friendly to me were saying things like that about me.

But OTOH, if challenged on it, they're bound to deny it. And then it comes down to whose word she believes - yours or theirs.

That's exactly it.

This "Daaaaarling" behaviour and then the sabbing behind her back... i find it so sad!

Also, i am really really fond of her children, they practically live at my house!

I wouldn't tell. IMO the person who repeats gossip & bad mouthing is as bad as the person who first said it. How friendly are you with these people? If you tell your best friend and she tackles them, they would know you've said something - how would you feel to be dragged into it all? I personally would leave well alone and just see what happens.

I can see the dilemma though. What if your friend finds out at a later stage, and asks you if you knew whether they were saying these things? Sometimes the person who leaves well alone is just as bad as those who are actively gossiping!

I think I wouldnt tell her, but if the subject of any of these women comes up in conversation, or if she looks like getting friendly with someone who you know has badmouthed her, just give your opinion that they are two-faced and you wouldnt trust them. Theyre probably busy making up some gossip about you now!

I dont know why some people think they have to be overfriendly to someone they dont like. why not just leave that person alone??

I would distance yourself from these people then if i were you. They seem like a sad bunch who find reassurance about their own inadequacies by putting other people down. They probably all slate each other behind each others backs, inlcuding you!

You dont really need "friends" like these IMO.

At college the same thing happened to me. One of group of girls with whom I worked on a presentation said she had done all the work etc etc my input was negligible, I apparently was being difficult because i refused to travel 30miles for meet ups. My friend told me so that i could address the situation which reluctantly i did.
I never forgave my friend. To me it was sh** stirring!