New dp has erectile problems- will it get better?

[seekingreassurance]

Apologies for namechange and if it gets a bit personal
I am with a lovely lovely man and we have waited 4 mnths before sleeping together. Our first attempt was last week and was a total non starter, he couldn't maintain his erection at all once the condom came out, and we have tried twice again since then with no luck. We both put it down to first time nerves.
Last night he did manage to keep it up and get the condom on, but it was a case of about 30 seconds of actually being inside and he was done. This happened twice and both times it took a lot of effort to get it up in the first place.
He is a great guy and tbh I have been waiting to sleep with him so we weren't rushing but it actually hurts a bit to know how worried he must have been about me finding this out. He says it's always been a problem, and has actually been very honest with me about it, sayign we'll just have to keep trying. And I do really care for him so of course we will.
But we are both only in our (late) twenties, fit and healthy. His longest relationship has only been 4 months and I suspect that this was the reason, and that it's knocked his confidence even more :(
The truth is that of course I want to help, but I was so uncomfortable last night. I really did feel like it was a case of him using me to finish him off, which is an awful thing to feel :( I really disliked the 'quick, now!' element of it, I got no enjoyment from it at all. If anythng it made me feel a bit used, which again is an awful thing to think. He was very generous afterwards, made sure I came with some nifty fingerwork, but I felt a bit empty. I really do sound very callous writign this all down, but I am trying not to be. I have been single a long time and tbh I don't have the biggest sex drive in the world anyway. But I want to make love to him. I don't want it to be like this. It's making us both so insecure. I liek that we can be open and honest about this problem, but at the same time I am worried to voice my concerns in case it makes his problem worse.
Is this somehting that will get better in time? He can get an erection, he just can't maintain it long enough to have any kind of intercourse. Do I just have to accept it and keep trying? It's such a shame that it's even an issue, I like him so much but it's bringing out my insecurities as well. I know it's not my fault. But at 29 should he not have been to see someone about this before now? Maybe he is resigned to it being this way forever? I just don't know if I can resign myself to that as well :(

Wow. Ill defer to more experienced ladies here but what about some form of 'training'? Maybe commence with same room masturbation, without touching each other, before progressing further?

Ah trulyscrummy I wondered how long it would take you to pop up. Not long evidently .

Just a sincere contribution misinterpreted (again)

try the squeeze thing

or get him plastered

or come first

couldnt see anything wrong there with trulys post!!?

He needs to go to the doctor. There's medication for these sorts of problems, not only Viagra, but other pills that he can take and potentially last 3 days so it doesn't kill spontaneity (they just help it stay hard once it is hard so not keeping it hard all the time).

But he has to first work up the courage to go to the doc. Without that, I suspect your experience you described below will be typical of most sexual encounters between the 2 of you.

Do a search Tiffany. You'll soon know what he's up to.

fox is right. he needs to see his GP. i can totally understand him being reluctant to go and talk to someone about it, but they've heard it all before and there IS help out there for him if he wants it.

until then I would maybe stick to non-penetrative sex, take it slowly, no pressure (on either of you!) and just see how you go

i can't imagine that this is something that will just go away on its own though

As far as the embarassment goes, we both went to the GUM clinic this week to have a full sexual health screen so he's already got his tackle out iyswim. I do know it will be embarassing for him, I was very uncomfortable having my test done, but I did it as it will benefit both of us, and it's the sensible, amture thing to do. Hopefully he can see it that way too. It just worries me I suppose that he's not done something about it before now, which makes me think he might be reluctant to do it now. I'm also worried how I can suggets he goes to the doctor without making him feel bad about it iyswim? But things can't go on the way they are, and I do agree it is very unlikely to improve by itself :(

perhaps you could go with him to see the doctor? would that help? or is that a girl thing lol?

I would gladly go to the Drs with him, I've doen that with my best friend when she had her smear test, just to hold her hand, and I don't think they'd find it odd really. I don't know if it would make it better or worse if I did go really. I'm seeing him tomorrow so I think we need to get this all a bit more into the open. He has obviously talked about this with me, but I don't know what he's tried, if he's ever been able to have more normal erections, or what he thinks the problem might be. He has said he does think it's psychological, but I don't know what can be done if that is the case.

Lots can be done. But it's important to see the gp. Is he taking any other medication as some has erectile dysfunction as a side effect. I think diabetes can also cause problems in that area too.

If it's a lifelong problem and there is no underlying health issue, the gp may recommend he tries medication.