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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Quick poll, WWYD?

45 replies

junecarter · 01/01/2011 10:17

Have just learned that DP has been involved in selling weed and has wound up 1500 in debt with no means of paying back due to being unemployed. Doesnt know who he is dealin with at the top end and has to go and face these people tomorrow. Would you pack dcs in the car and go to the other end of the country or is this just a knee jerk reaction? I was going to chuck him out anyway on thursday after dcs birthday due to being generally crap, but afraid I could still end up with some scumbags at the door....He is convinced he is going to be shot; but this could be emotional blackmail to get me to help him get the money :(

OP posts:

rainbowinthesky · 01/01/2011 11:52

There must be more to this as this hasnt happened over night. Maybe a new start for all of you (minus him) would be a good idea.

NoNamesNoPackDrill · 01/01/2011 11:57

I wasn't thinking he would sell your stuff, june, more that a gang of violent men would turn up and help themselves.
Could you ring the police and ask for their advice? Get an extra chain on the front door?

Original poster

junecarter · 01/01/2011 12:03

My plan overall for me and dcs was to move to my home area within the next couple of months, but properly with moving van and a few quid saved.

OP posts:

Original poster

junecarter · 01/01/2011 12:03

Would womensaid help me ?

OP posts:

littlemiss72 · 01/01/2011 12:06

What a silly man, get rid as soon as possible. He has put you and your DC at risk, do you have someone who might scare him off for you? Failing that let him go to face his fate tomorrow - I'm guessing they will have him over a barrel and selling more stuff to get their money back. Vicious circle I'm afraid.

Original poster

junecarter · 01/01/2011 12:09

He is just that a silly pathetic little man, I'm so worn out by it all.

OP posts:

ilythia · 01/01/2011 12:10

Short term I would go, school isn't back for a few days at least.
Long term get him out of the hosue if your are sure it is safe, but I woudls eriously consider moving, locally if you really don't want to upheave children, but not the same house as now.

Sorry you are haviugn to deal with this, but seriously, get in the car, go for a short holiday and make sure he knows he is on his own with this.

I also second the 'call the police' if you feel in any danger, this is not your fault

cupofcoffee · 01/01/2011 12:14

I would get out and take the dc. Also talk to the police. If/when he gets found out the police may want to speak to you about it all anyway to see if you were involved so maybe better to go to them now?

If he is trying to get you to help him by saying he will be shot then tell him to go to the police himself. If there is any truth in the matter then you don't want yourself and dc to be caught up in that. yes he would get into trouble with the law but if he believes he will be shot anyway...

Original poster

junecarter · 01/01/2011 12:17

I do not have anything to do with drugs at all. This is so crazy that I can't get my head round it.

OP posts:

cupofcoffee · 01/01/2011 12:26

It must be a horrible shock junecarter. Do you have anyone in RL who you could tell about this? Could you phone your family for support?

purplepidjbauble · 01/01/2011 12:47

June, yes I would imagine a women's refuge would be a good idea, at least for advice and they may have somewhere local and anonymous you can move to temporarily while you sort out your head and the dcs schools.

I read the first 3 sentences to DP and he agreed with my gut instinct:

Get the fuck out of there now.

Good luck

Womens Aid 0117 944 4411
local help

IAmReallyFabNow · 01/01/2011 12:51

I would kick him out.
Call the police for advice and to grass up all the drug dealing wasters.
Look for a new house if not possible to stay.

Curiousnamechange · 01/01/2011 13:06

I'm not sure you can be 100% sure that no drugs ever came to your house if he has been dealing and in debt that means he has smoked at least £1500 worth of the drugs he was meant to sell doesn't it? This means it is very very likely that the weed has been in your house. IMO not all dealers of weed are dangerous, a lot are just wasters but it is likely there is someone bad further up the chain. The chances of him being shot I would say are fairly slim but the chances of your house being turned over by the police and you being taken from the dc to be questioned for hours is more likely and depends on how involved he is. £1500 may well be only part of what he has done.

grimsleeper · 01/01/2011 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuickLookBusySanta · 01/01/2011 13:38

He's admitted to £1500, but he may owe a lot more.

I would leave now.

Lydwatt · 01/01/2011 14:19

Do you own the house or rent??

As i said before, short term, i would just go where I felt safest and stuff school. I would also consider moving long term just to get a 'clean' start away from any comeback.

Do you have joint accounts? i would check them too. I agree that it is likely that he has only told you about this because he has had too so there may be more debt untold.

I like the advice about the police and the refuge support.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 01/01/2011 14:27

Its possible they will make him do some "tasks" for them to earn back the money...working for free of course and these will more than likely be dirty and illegal jobs.

It sounds like you need to leeav him asap....dont panic...unless your DH is a hero and tells them he's not playing ball, it wont kick off. The dealers won't want trouble but they also won't be made fools of.

Make a plan and get out within a week or two.

mummery · 01/01/2011 15:16

Throw him out.

Report to the police.

Change locks, remove your precious possessions, secure your home as well as you can.

Go to your family.

(And quite obviously don't give the guy any money, you'll never see it again.)

LittleMissHootsMon · 01/01/2011 15:23

I don't think woman's aid will help unless there is DV/Abuse going on... though please someone correct me if I'm wrong.

Speak to the CAB and find out what could happen if you just walk away WRT the rental etc on where you were.

Get all your stuff together and put it out of his reach.

Depending on ethnicity, the person this guy owes money to could be very dangerous indeed.

As far as I've heard the middle eastern ones generally specialise in dope, but other more general dealers are from elsewhere and as they deal in everything else are used to dealing with hard core dealers and addicts so don't take any shit. That said, arabs don't take bullshit well either.

How has he got into this debt, by not paying for stuff and just smoking it without selling it? The mark ups even at that level can be huge, so to be into £1500 of weed is an awful lot of stuff to have smoked.

He really IS a prize twat and this is a deal breaker and you have to do whatever it takes to keep him as far away from you and your DC as possible.

My feelings are that for the sake of your DC, you need to talk to the police. They could even take these people out of the game, which would be good for everyone.

perfumeditsawonderfullife · 01/01/2011 16:10

I would go to your family at the other side of the UK, now. That way the kids are not likely to have to suffer him for 'contact' as he is unlikely to have travel cash. I know they have a right to see their dad but it sounds like , if you stay there, he will still let them down and bring trouble to your door.

Hope you get a fresh start. He sounds like a rubbish dealer.

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