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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner threatened me with violence

39 replies

SoHereItIs · 31/12/2010 14:47

Partner and I have been together for just under three years and have been living together for the past year and a bit. He's shown signs of jealousy in that time soon after we moved in together like checking my phone, phoning my work to make sure I'm working late when I say I am and questioning me and accusing me of lying. A couple of weeks ago I told him I was going out with a few collegues for NYE and he made it obvious straight away that he wasn't happy about it and tried putting me off, lied saying he'd arranged something else, played the guilt trip saying I was leaving him alone on NYE etc. I told him I was still going and if he'd planned something he should have told me. Anyway he didn't mention it for a while but last night he brought it up again and seemed to be under the impression that I would have changed my mind. I said I was still going and he became really aggressive, started shouting in my face, pushed me, swore at me. I told him I was still going and that he was being ridiculous and he pushed me by my throat against the wall and said if I went out he'd "knock fuck out of me". He said he was warning me and not to push him. We have not spoken since. I have two options.
Do I go anyway?
Not go but make arrangements to get him out of my house asap?

Either way its over now, not that he's aware of that yet but I am not putting up with that. I just don't know what to do about tonight. I really want to go, its been planned ages but I don't think its sensible to deliberately rile him. what would you do?

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 31/12/2010 18:25

yes i'm sorry, when i said you should still go out I hadn't realised it was actually NYE today! Blush

I think you really need to sort things out with him first. By that I mean either get out of there, or get him out. that needs to be your focus

I hope all goes well

westlake · 01/01/2011 12:11

OP are you ok?

BreakFree · 01/01/2011 12:50

Was wondering was she ok too. I hope she comes back to let us know.

LittleMissHootsMon · 01/01/2011 12:57

I wished I'd have seen this thread yesterday.

From the time of the post, I'd have told OP to call the police and have him removed. There would have been loads of police on duty just in case, and I don't think at 3pm they would have been overly busy...

I would definitely be getting the locks changed and bagging up his stuff, and calling the PCSO to make sure that he didn't carry out his threats.

Then I would change my numbers and my email and speak to the police and CAB about getting a non-molestation order.

Please come back OP and let us know how you are?

SoHereItIs · 01/01/2011 13:48

Thanks for the advice you all gave kindly when I posted this. I managed to involve the police, they came around and removed him from the house. He went quietly making out that I was nuts and this was just another of my episodes. I couldn't get anyone to come and change the locks unless I was willing to pay ridiculous price for it so I told my friends I couldn't go out, explained to one of them why and it turned out they'd rather party at my house than go out anyway Grin so one, I didn't need to leave the house and two, I got to celebrate new year.
He's coming back this evening when the kids have gone to their dad's house to sort his stuff out. A couple of my friends are still here so I won't be alone. Will post more later but didn't want to not reply when you'd all taken time to advice me yesterday. Will pop back later on x

OP posts:
cees · 01/01/2011 14:01

Don't let him snoop around to get his stuff, have it all bagged and waiting for him outside the front door.

Cut all ties, don't give him a chance to worm his way back in.

Well done for taking no crap and protecting yourself and your dc's.

Littlefish · 01/01/2011 14:09

Good advice from cees.

Just have everything ready for him to pick up. Don't engage in conversation with him.

Have the locks changed as soon as possible.

LittleMissHootsMon · 01/01/2011 14:31

SoHereItis, well done! you have made the right decision.

As for his comments of it being anouther one of your episodes, smile sweetly and agree..

Stay strong, don't let him back. You have had a lucky escape.

Agree with cess, Pack his stuff up today so he can take it in as few loads as possible. Make sure you have friends around.

Tomorrow get yourself down to a DIY place and get some replacement locks. One of your friends can fit them.

Oh and make sure that you have extra door bolts and chains just to be on the safe side. When you are alone, make sure the chains and bolts are on.

If he comes to your home call the police first. Don't let him in under any circumstances.

Well done

maltesers · 01/01/2011 14:48

So sorry to hear all this SoHereItIS. . .I hope you are ok .
Whats the latest? What did you do last night??
I am wishing you all the very best for 2011 and that this nutcase bully doesnt hurt you. . .You dont deserve it, you have done nothing wrong.

Be strong, stand up for yourself and dont bother with this man anymore. . . he sounds like the sort of violent partner that would finally kill you or commit GBH to you , or something,

Stay safe, keep in touch with the Police. This man could really hurt you. I have tolereated 2x aggressive partners and its bloody scary . Their behaviour is not your fault.
I hope you , like me finally meet a kind gentle , caring man who is patient, tolerant and loving. He is there somewhere waiting for you...
Lots of hugs, big arms and angel wings around you tonight and always.>>>

maltesers · 01/01/2011 14:51

Sorry post , just read what you did now. Good , excellent, well done, you did the right thing . So glad you are safe.
You have some good friends, who came round . . .Happy New year !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ilythia · 01/01/2011 15:05

Well done youy, and your friends sound brilliantSmile

Ephiny · 01/01/2011 15:26

Well done for standing up for yourself, you are absolutely doing the right thing. No one should have to feel threatened and afraid in their own home.

Make sure you get those locks changed as soon as possible just in case he does try anything, and once he's collected his things I wouldn't have any sort of contact with him ever again. You don't need someone like that in your life.

westlake · 01/01/2011 16:38

:-) i'm glad you got things sorted. I guess it's quite a flat start to the new year......
Hope you're not feeling too miserable and he stays away...

Well done for being so brave, not an easy thing to do....

SharkSlayer · 03/01/2011 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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