How do you deal with someone who argues over everything because ..

[bytheMoonlight]

'They are entitled to their opinion'? DH cannot do anything recently without questioning it or just beiong plain difficult about it.

I mean the smallest things. Things which do not require an opinion from anyone, they just need to be done.

I said to him, why do we need to argue over everything he says I'm entitled to my opinion.

But do we need to debate for example, if dd1 needs tights on (she does, it's freezing outside) I'm bf'ing dd2 (7wks old) why can't he just get the tights without an argument?

It's so frustrating. I've tried saying this to him but all I get is 'I'm entitled to an opinion'

I think its all part of dh's passive aggressive personality which is really bugging the hell out of me atm

Is there a lot more to this? What kind of 'passive agressive' behaviour?

To be honest, I hear many of my friends bossing their husbands around and hovering around them telling them they are doing everything 'wrong' with the kids. Then the husbands 'rebel' in little ways to claw back some power. Or am I barking up the wrong tree completely?

Is he just making his presence felt, almost like a child who feels a bit ignored? Try phrasing things as a question instead of an order maybe. I'm very guilty of bossing DH where the kids are concerned!

Congratulations on the new arrival too. Hows it going for you?

Does he think his opinion is more important than yours?

When I read what defines passive aggressive behaviour its almost like a tick list of dh's behaviour.

Nothing is ever his fault, he cannot take responsibility for anything. If I'm upset by his actions, he would say thats not his fault, it's mine for reacting that way

He seems not to take any care of possesions/appointements/issues which are not directly involving him

Got to go

Had to go then baby wanted a feed!

Sometimes when we are out with family or friends he will make a comment which refers to an argument we may have had earlier, or do something to rile me, I will know what he means but it is not noticeable to anyone else. If I then respond to his actions he acts all innocent and I look like a cow.

It's hard to pinpoint his actions as he is very good at saying/doing things by implication so I can't say to him 'you did this and it upset me' etc. If I do try to talk directly to him about what is frustrating me, he uses distraction to divert the attention away from him, so he will either start to talk about my faults or he'll talk about somebody elses relationship. I have to work really hard to keep the subject focused.

It's hard to explain

This sounds exactly like my BIL (Dh's sister's husband). When their DC were small he always argued about whatever she wanted them to wear and tbh has actually worn her down through the years. She has always felt that if she didn't marry him then no-one would want her which is rubbish as she's lovely and attractive. They have rows all the time, sometimes little digs (just like my parents) in front of other people when they're out.

She has often thrown her rings at him. He does nothing in the way of housework as he thinks it's beneath him.

What I'm trying to say is that everything throughout their whole marriage has been a fight, one which she never wins unless he wants her to. They never go on holiday together with the DC. The one time they went away with us, our DC, my parents, them and their DC he did not get up as he was on holiday. They had three young DC at that time and he left her to deal with them all day.

I have been annoyed with her in the past as she has said that he's a great dad, unlike my DH (her bro). That's because he always trumpets what a great dad he is, but yet does nothing that would bore him like taking the DC to football practice each week. This has no payout for him so he doesn't do it.

What I'm trying to say, OP, is that you have to sort this out now or you will have a hard, long, unhappy road ahead of you. I really do wish you luck.

I don't know how to sort it out. I don't even know if her realises he is like it