Advice on sil's "shyness" ?

[Moulesfrites]

My sil is in her early 20s and married dh's db this year She graduated a couple of years ago but neither her or bil yet have a job and their lifestyles are funded entirely by pils. Pil's seem to justify or make excuses for her failure to look for a job as she is painfully shy. I am doubtful about whether this is reasonable or not - to me shyness is something that awkward teenagers suffer from not grown women, and her behavior is often perceived by me and others as rude. For example yesterday she was at a party with myself and mil, and clung to mil like a limpet all afternoon. She did not engage in conversations and when people spoke to her she gave monosyllabic responses. When I though about it I realized this would have been the first time in ages that she would have spent time in the company of others without bil, and I am not sure that she will ever be able to secure employment - can this type of behavior be justified as"shyness" or is it something beyond that?

How did she manage whilst at universty? She must have been ok at that time I would have thought or she wouldn't have graduated.

She and bil lived together all the way through uni- he used to drive her in and pick her up after her lectures etc. I think she did make 1 or 2 friends there, but it was not a typical uni experience. Also, it was an art couse that seemed to involve a lot of independent studio work as opposed to debates or discussions in tutorials. Of course I realize that some people are naturally introverted but as I have said it seems to be impacting on hervability to find work and she is completely dependent on bil and pil, not Just financially, as to whether she is happy or not, I am not convinced - I think the lack of company, independence and something to do is not conducive to happiness but that is just me...

Sorry for confusing punctuation in last post - getting used to iPad

"How did she manage whilst at universty? She must have been ok at that time I would have thought or she wouldn't have graduated."

I'm sorry, but the above is far from being true. I went through a lot of difficulties at university, in terms of organisation, self help skills and social interaction though ironically this was the least of my concerns as I had met my now DH. To be frank, if it had not been for his support and some support from my parents there is no way I would have coped with university, let alone been able to graduate. I lived throughout university first in Halls for one year, then with my now DH. I got by, purely because I had some support.

Yes bullet I think she would have struggled without bil. I agree with you Madame deathstare about having something to o - I am a teacher and sometimes find myself getting a bit low by the fourth week of the school holidays. Dc1 is due in 3 weeks so that shouldn't be an issue any longer. I just find it odd that a young woman can do nothing, be completely dependent on others - it must affect her self esteem? I agree that even a small pt job would help but she graduated in may 2008 and has applied for nothing since.

I find parties horrific, and if I have to go, either find a corner to sit in, and hope no-one comes near me apart from DH, or 'cling' to him.

I cope with uni at the moment by sitting in the library inbetween lectures, in two years I have only spoken to the people on my course when forced to. I have panic pills for the bus as hubby can't take me and pick me up.

I think you need to try and be understanding, I know people judge me badly and it just makes things harder.