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Original poster

Feel like a 2ndclass friend.

17 replies

2ndclassfriend · 30/12/2010 12:52

I have moved around a few times and lost contact with friends over the years. I've never been that confident in friendships and always feel like I like people more that they like me. IYSWIM.

About three years ago I met Z and we have become firm friends over the years. Z says I am one of her best friends. Smile However, Z had a birthday recently and went out with at least three other couples (fair enough, she is a popular person) Anyway i wasn't bothered about not being invited but she lied to me and told me she was just going out with 1 other set of friends.Hmm

We meet up all the time during the day. We often meet at night, however its always at mine and she will let me know on the day (usually) wether she can come or not (????)

I am really stating to wonder if she meets up with us if her and Dh have no better offers. Sad

I think there is something wrong with me. I can't keep friendships.Sad

OP posts:
coldtits · 30/12/2010 12:54

Focus on finding new friends.

Making friends, IMHO, is not a job to be 'done', it's an ongoing project. There are always more nice people out there.

TheMonster · 30/12/2010 12:54

Do you know the other couples that went?

It could be that she meets you if she has nothing better to do, in which case, does she deserve you as her friend?

Don't think of it as being something wrong with you - it takes two to tango.

Original poster
2ndclassfriend · 30/12/2010 12:59

I agree coldtits. I am planning on doing this in the NY.

OP posts:
Original poster
2ndclassfriend · 30/12/2010 13:01

No I don't really know the other couples. I have met them briefly. It's the fact she lied that is bugging me.

Part of me thinks that if I want to stay friends with her then I need to accept the relationship for what it is. They are a good laugh, have lots of fun.

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 30/12/2010 13:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadamDeathstare · 30/12/2010 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheBolter · 30/12/2010 13:12

I imagine she lied to protect you from taking this too personally. I'm not surprised that you feel hurt but I really do think she did this in your best interests - or at least, she tried to!

I have friends who I go out with and it stresses me sometimes to think that a couple might be there that doesn't know the others / may not gell with the others so easily.

I 'fell out' with someone recently which to me was a very minor thing but to her was very hurtful. I didn't mean to hurt her, in fact I didn't involve her because I didn't think she'd want to be there so saved her the anguish of getting out of it... you can't win sometimes...

I find as I've go older and have more and more commitments that it's a struggle to maintain friendships and harsh as it sounds, I simply don't have time to feed a needy friend. So when she huffed off I kind of shrugged my shoulders and thought life's too short.

If you want to get on with her you will win a lot of respect by getting over it. By all means tell her it's pissed you off but then make it clear to her that you've moved on.

Original poster
2ndclassfriend · 30/12/2010 13:37

Madam Yes thats a good suggestion.

I asked her if she was planning anything for her birthday because I was thinking of doing something that weekend. I only found out the truth because she was showing me photos of something else and accidently went too far.

TheBolter I think I am a bit needy, insecure I guess. Confused

OP posts:
TheMonster · 30/12/2010 14:38

How did she act when she realised you had seen the photos?

Original poster
2ndclassfriend · 30/12/2010 14:58

She just spoke about what they got up to.

OP posts:
ValiumTinselton · 30/12/2010 15:04

I agree with coldtits, and that's one of the things I'm going to try to do in 2011. I need more single friends.

I've just seen on fb that a 'mum' from school invited a whole load of couples over last night. SOme of the people who were thanking her wouldn't be any more friendly with her than I am, I might be wrong though... but I think the maiin reason I'm automatically excluded from so many things is because it's just not the done thing to invite a single woman!! in the year 2010!! It beggars belief.

I want to go out and make some single friends this year. I want to push myself out of my comfort zone. Scary but, will have to try.

TheMonster · 30/12/2010 17:13

Did she seem embarrassed or anything that you had seen them?

Original poster
2ndclassfriend · 30/12/2010 17:20

No.

OP posts:
TheMonster · 30/12/2010 17:38

Did you say anything about it and about how you felt?

TheFeministParent · 30/12/2010 17:41

Valium, I have to say my single friends are the first people I think of! However I always prepare them and give them a low down of couples especially happy ones!!Grin nothing worse than being in the company of sloppy couples single or not!

Original poster
2ndclassfriend · 30/12/2010 17:43

No I didn't Body I am not confident with friendships and I suppose I don't feel that I have a right to say anything. I was confused too. Confused

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 30/12/2010 18:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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