Any positive shared care/custody stories *please*....

[abbeyroad]

I'm pretty sure 2011 is the year that dp and I will break up. We have both talked about it and how we would take care of the children - sun-wed morn with him and thurs-sun morn with me. 3.5 days each, I feel like that's best for the children under the circumstances, as dp is a hands-on parent and they love us equally.

Our relationship is I think unsalvageable but I am extremely guilty about putting ourselves first and our own happiness above the children. I know we can remain friends and will live near each other, but I also think we will both move on fairly quickly as we are both gregarious so we may be hitting a 'blended' family situation within a couple of years.

Does anyone have any positive stories of shared care/advice they could offer me? I am absolutely desperate to keep my children happy and secure in the longterm (they are currently 3 and 5). Thanks.

I did week-on, week-off shared care for about six months. It wasn't perfect - any option is always a compromise - but on the whole it worked very well. Change-over was on a Friday; one parent would take the DCs to school and the other would pick up. I've heard that having a neutral place like school to act as a buffer between the two homes helps the DCs to adjust.

The DCs seemed to appreciate having both parents involved equally. Issues around things being left in the wrong house weren't that big a deal in reality. It helps if the two homes are close and, particularly, you can keep a good working relationship with your ex.

The shared care stopped not because it wasn't working but because my ex has alcohol problems. But I do know of several other families where there is some form of shared care or other. It's not always strict 50:50, it's a matter of coming up with a compromise that works for everyone.