This is abit long and complicated so please bear with me.
Nearly a year ago I split up with h of 20 years. He left me for ow...we have 3 dc and the youngest is just 4. As you can imagine this year has been hell. I am now in the process of divorcing him. After initially being devestated I slowly got stronger and in the last few months have felt ready to date again. He has continued to treat me with utter contempt even though he left me and not the other way around.
Afew weeks ago I became friends with a guy on facebook through a mutual friend ...my best friend of 30 years actually. So if I call the guy Dave and my best friend Sarah.
Sarah encouraged Dave to add me as a friend on facebook telling him i was cute single...in a similar situation etc and he did but even though i accepted him we never actually spoke.
One day I noticed he had deleted me as a friend and Sarah explained that she asked him to because of another couple who were freinds with Dave's ex because I am also friends with this couple and they may wonder why we are frends on fb. Sarah did not want to be held responsible for any matchmaking as Dave's ex still has feelings for him Dave is separated from his partner and has two young children.
So I sent Dave a private message saying I understand why you have deleted me etc...(the first message I had ever sent him you understand)
This was the start of us sending each other messages. I dont have his mobile we have spoken purely through messages on facebook...every day more or less. He has been very complimentary about my photos on fb etc...cheered me up when h being a shit which is most of the time and just been nice to me. After a while he added me back as a friend and said he would say it was through work because we are in the same sort of business. Sarah did not seem too pleased when I told her about the fact that we were friends again on fb...saying she was worried about being to blame etc if we did anything more than friends.
So I have been telling her over the weeks about how we have got on and he has mentioned he will treat me to dinner some time whenever i am ready etc. But I have said to her all along that i am not ready for a relationship or anything serious but he would nice for a bit of fun etc.
In the last couple of weeks everytime i have mentioned him and joked that me and him could bcome f**k buddies she has said you won't fancy him..he is too short..and not a big enough build for me and how disappointed i would be physiacally(my h was hench and very tall and i do tend to like tall men). She said he needs a petite little thing ...i am size 10...not exactly big. She told me his ex was tiny ...I have looked at photos and she clearly isnt.
Also every time i mentioned him she would insist that they will get back together etc.
When i asked Dave he said they will never get back together.
Last week Dave hardly messaged me and seemed to be a bit distant but had asked me out the week before. On a girly night out last week I told Sarah that Dave had asked me out She couldnt wait to tell me that he had had a date with some other girl and was seeing her again that night and she showed me pictures of her and said how he really likes her etc.
I felt abit wierd but nothing major and she said to me "The thing is you are looking for sex and fun but he really wants a girlfriend." I kind of agreed and that night after getting very drunk(i did feel abit ppeeved)I slept with some bloke i met. I felt really bad next day even though he text to see me again as he is married ...I have another thread about it called 'feeling ashamed' This was the first and only man i had slept with since my h left me.
The last message I sent Dave he never replied to which he has never done before.
I saw Sarah at a Christamas party last night and we were both abit drunk. I confessed about my one night stand...she left the pub before me so she never knew i left with the bloke...told her i felt bad as he is married etc. She obviously came to the conclusion that i didnt care less about Dave if i could sleep with some random bloke. She then tells me SHE has been sleeping with Dave herself for the past few weeks that she hasnt got feelings for him but that she gets no affection from her husband which i know she doesnt get much but he is a good man and a good frend of mine...they have been married 19 years, 4 kids.
I pretended not to care and even joked is he any good is he worth me having ago, but inside and on reflection today i feel angry. I think she has said something to Dave to put him off me because he was so unbelievably keen. My frend is a size 18 so why was she harping on about Dave needing a petite girlShe just wanted to put me off because she wanted him. I promised i would never tell anyone and i dont break promises so i cant discuss this with anyone in rl.
Its not fair she has her h and i am so lonely. I want to get in touch with this Dave and find out what she has told him about me but now he has deactivated his fb.
I feel disappointed and a little betrayed..am i over the top...and what would you all do?
Sorry its so long.