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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

ugh give me a push and/or some handholding

20 replies

trappedfool · 29/12/2010 09:08

Dont know how to link to previous threads but have posted under the name shamsham as well as trapped fool. Have no money as expected windfall never surfaced . I have to leave. Yet I feel paralysed.Looked back at thread from last January where I was all set to go ,but thwarted at the last minute. Cant believe how confident I seemed in those posts.The last year has clearly knocked the shit out of me. Planning to go this weekend, new year new start n all. Does anyone rhink I should stay and kick him out ? Or just pack up dcs and go home to UK?

OP posts:
gettingeasier · 29/12/2010 09:25

Sorry I dont know your story but I suppose whatever the background to any story the bottom line is if you are unhappy and have given it time and effort to fix things and it hasnt worked then yes leave

Original poster
trappedfool · 29/12/2010 09:31

any one know how to link to previous threads?
Things r gettin crapper and crapper; now I discover he is using adult singles sites the prick

OP posts:
NineNieciesDancing · 29/12/2010 09:42

Is it this one? Here?

Sorry haven't read it yet but how much of what you planned last year is still in place?

(I'll read it now btw Smile)

Original poster
trappedfool · 29/12/2010 09:44

yes thank you thats great! also a more recent one called stupid pig of a man...cant bear to type out all the sordid details again

OP posts:
NineNieciesDancing · 29/12/2010 09:47

I'll have a look. On first glance at the old thread - you have to leave this man but I'm afraid I can't help with the practicalities over and above thread searching!

NineNieciesDancing · 29/12/2010 09:48

Stupid pig of a man

TheParasiteofChristmasPast · 29/12/2010 09:49

you can post on threads all you want but tbh you really need to act now.

Original poster
trappedfool · 29/12/2010 09:49

I know afraid of being homeless yada yada... if I stay near him he will worm his way back in, have to get away

OP posts:
Original poster
trappedfool · 29/12/2010 09:52

I know, I know....but it took a huge amount to get to the stage I got to last January; then he got really ill and was involved in an accident and I just got worn so far down with it all. I'm pathetic.

OP posts:
NineNieciesDancing · 29/12/2010 09:57

You aren't pathetic at all. You are in a horrendous postition which not surprisingly has left you drained and feeling trapped. You aren't, you just feel that way.

Do you have the money to get back to the UK, assuming you are still not in England?

Will your mother still put you up for a bit?

Original poster
trappedfool · 29/12/2010 10:00

yes mother or sibling will, but it won't be pleasant, mother can not fully support me because she would have to admit I am doing the right thing, therefore invalidating her choices to stay with my father who was abusive to her iyswim.

OP posts:
NineNieciesDancing · 29/12/2010 10:10

It won't be pleasant but will it be as unpleasant as continuing to stay with your P? Short term upset with your mother for long term gain of getting your life back I would say.

Would she even see it the way you think she will? Is your father a drug taking alcoholic too? If not then surely she can see you have reason enough to leave your P without it having thing to do with her decision to be with your father.

Is she still with your father?

Original poster
trappedfool · 29/12/2010 10:13

ok so today I am going to start finding documents/packing essentials...he is sleeping off a hangover, so could get a bit done, have lost dc 2s birthcert and car reg documents so may need to oranize replacements,also phone storage place

OP posts:
gettingeasier · 29/12/2010 10:15

Skimmed your past threads and I think you should leave , things that appear as obstacles in your path you will find a way around. Surely anything has to be better than living with this man ?

Original poster
trappedfool · 29/12/2010 10:16

ah sorry x post, no my dad was a small time gambler, and occaisional wife beater, he was unemployed and depressed for several years, they are grand now, he just doesnt have that side to him any more. Its weird really.

OP posts:
Original poster
trappedfool · 29/12/2010 10:18

the nature of abuse is so derailing isnt it, the obvious thing is to leave , but it seems wrong ; How the feck did my head get like this?

OP posts:
BeeandSon · 29/12/2010 10:21

TF you need to stop thinking and analising too much what people around you issues are (P and mum) and just concentrate on what you want, what you need doing and your sanity and your dd wellbeing
In other words if you have to stay at mum's you are only there for as long as it take to get yourself sorted and not to get into conversation and comparison to her life and stuff
it is just a mean to an end

ABudafulSightWereHappyTonight · 29/12/2010 10:21

It sounds like you feel you should stay as that it what your mother did and what she expects you to do. But it is a different time now. You CAN go. You SHOULD go. For you and more importantly for your children.

Original poster
trappedfool · 29/12/2010 10:22

I know, I know.... I just have to do it dont I?

OP posts:
JaxTellersOldLady · 29/12/2010 10:23

hope you get everything you need together. You will get all the support you need from lots of people on here.

Good luck, stay strong.

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