Have got into a bit of a tangle with DH and another man and not sure how to get out of it - any advice?

[jealousguy]

Have namechanged for this but am a regular - I also want to stress that I have not been unfaithful at all.

To try and cut a long story short, DH is jealous of a man (I'll call him X) that I work quite closely with - he goes on and on about X all the time, (half-jokingly) accuses me of having an affair with X etc.

DH was obsessed that X would come to my works christmas do even though I told him that X wasn't booked on it so he wouldn't...X did turn up for about an hour as the venue was quite near his house.

When I got home and DH asked me if X had turned up, I am to say that I lied and said no as I couldn't be bothered putting up with all the comments/accusations if I told the truth.

Me and DH have now been invited to a colleague of mine's birthday party in a couple of weeks - the circumstances of it are such that we can actually both go, both drink, have a night in a hotel without the DC (the first one since before DS1 was born over 4 years ago) so I am looking forward to it...however, I just know that DH will quiz my colleagues as to whether X went to the Christmas do (as I say, he is obsessed!!) so what do I do??

Admit that I lied and that X went or have our first night out ruined when DH finds out I have lied and make it look that there is something going on

I feel so stupid now but DH's jealousy really annoys me and I just didn't want to deal with it.

Perhaps tell dh he can only come if he is going to be secure in himself and your marriage and not, oh-so subtly , cross-examining your colleagues or X. You want to have a good night with him, not be on tenterhooks waiting for his inner-nobbishness to start showing.

His behaviour is putting pressure on you to either lie (which will just exacerbate his jealousy everytime he thinks he's 'caught' you out, not having the self-knowledge to realise it's him who's caused the problem) or you to curtail your social and professional life because of his daft insecurities, which imho is an completely unacceptable way to live.

Or yes, show him this thread?

I'll admit the pit of my stomach lurched when I read the OP.

I have had a H that has freaked out at me having friends and he turned into a controlling bully. But it was not only about one person, it was about everyone.

But if OP has not had any other incidents of her DH behaving irrationally, then tbh, she will probably be OK.

This is a fixation her DH has got, and if he's approachable in every other walk of life then OP can deal with it and tell him to get over himself.

I think OP can dish up the truth, establish that the problem is her DH's but also be supportiv of him to understand where the insecurity is coming from. Is DH 5' 4" with complex about 6' 4" tall bloke? Is bloke very good looking? Or whatever. What is it that makes him feel so uniquely threatened by this bloke. Given what OP said about their relationship she could help DH work through the problem......although he is not so likely o want to admit his insecurity?