DP moving out

[tomorrowsanotherday]

Found a very suspect message on DP's mobile last week and confronted him.
He has denied doing anything wrong but I made it clear he has to go and he has agreed to move in with a friend on friday.
Since it happened last thursday we had not really been home at the same time until today when he kissed me.
Eventually I pulled away and left the house but I am now very confused and sad about what happens next
tbh I don't want him to go

What was the message? Is it possible that you misinterpreted it?

well funny you should say that. DP is not from this country and the message was in a different language which I do not really understand.
Posted a message on here last week and people kind of jumped to the conclusion that he is foreign and therefore must be guilty.
Other than this message I have no other reason to believe that anything is going on.

Seeing as you're not sure what the message said, and had no suspicions until then, do you not think you're being a bit hasty in kicking him out?

What language was it in? Sorry, not sure that's relevant, but asking anyway!

I remember you, was the message in Farsi? Did you have any luck with the MNer who offered to translate it?

Eh? You kicked him out on the basis of a message you can't understand or read and with no other teason to suspect?

Are you serious? Was that not jumping the gun?

Perhaps he'll come back if you stop behaving like a 12 year old.

You can't just kick out your long term partner over something you don't understand.

Tomorrow your last post in your previous thread said that you had confromted your DP about the sexually explicit text he received and he begged your forgiveness.

So why are you confused he sounds guilty be admission

the message was sexual in nature, OP was able to understand the gist of it.

Although there was a lively discussion about his nationality being relevant, in that in certain cultures it is common for men to behave like this, there was a heck of a lot more to your last thread than a bunch of women blaming him for being foreign and therefore guilty.

If everything were fine and dandy with this guy, you would not have posted last week.

Nor in fact would you come and ask again for advice.

I know you are young, so perhaps this is not clear at all to you, and you are wiser than I was at your age, you are seeking opinion.

You know my thoughts, you can even discount them as me projecting.

But removing all my hang-ups/experience in the subject, the best advice anyone can give you is to see what happens.

Let him go.

Gather your thoughts, work out what YOU want. If he was committed to you there is no way one earth he would leave. No way in a million years.

It now doesn't matter about the message, that is immaterial, he has failed to deal with something that should have been a no-brainer if he were fully committed to you.

Again, let him move out, take time to get to know yourself again, enjoy your time as a woman, meet up with your old friends, get some fun into your life that is nothing to do with men or relationships. Find your self esteem, discover the woman you have become and learn to love her. be your own best friend and ensure that you can live as a single entity that doesn't need a man to exist.

I think he HAS to go to learn to appreciate you. Ok it's a 50-50 gamble, all or nothing, but it's better than being in a relationship where you are worrying who he's talking to.

Take a break, give yourself a breather.

Whatever happens, you will be OK, as long as you are honest with yourself.

Well said LMHM and said much better than l ever could

He admitted he had sent a message to this girl but denied it was any more than a text.
Thats what Im finding difficult.
Where do you draw the line?

At that text.

The line has been drawn already.

You stumbled upon the start of an emotional affair, how far would it have gone if you had not borroed his phone.
You are young, do yourself a favour and move yourself on and move him out

HE SENT THE TEXT TO HER???

Job done.

Lots of black plastic sacks and his stuff on the steps. Today.

I was prepared to give him some wriggle room if SHE had sent it to him (as sometimes happens with some people, sometimes )

What exactly are you waiting for OP, for him to actually sleep with her?

Why do you think you have to put up with this kind of behaviour? where is your self worth, your self esteem?

You have had 2 relationships, and this one for what 7/8 yrs (sorry can't recall).

You are young, don't have any baggage, don't have any mad entourage of XPs. You have it ALL going for you.

Place a higher worth on yourself than this clown has made you believe you are worth.

He texted HER????

Bin him. How very dare he?

OP...your summation of your previous thread is way off

what do you want us to say ?

you didn't listen properly last time and have obviously discounted all the good advice on the previous thread

it got a bit derailed owards the end, but you had good advice all they way through

if you would like us to say "it is ok for him to send texts of a sexual nature to other women, then lie about it" then go for it

but it ain't gonna happen

it seems he wants to sweep it under the carpet, and you appear to be very black and white in your response

there is a middle ground here...and that is to redefine your relationship with some open talking, possibly with the help of a counsellor

while your communication is pretty zero (other than him trying to kiss you..) then I dunno what you are going to do, tbh