what shape was your relationship in during first year with LO?

[maltymoo]

I'm just wondering how you found the first year with a baby impacted yuor relationships with your OHs...how did you manage to keep the spark alive?!Did you manage to?And if you lost it...how did you get it back?!

We haven't left DD yet (10 months) in the eve as she can be tricksy to re settle and is not a great sleeper.

The combination of sleep deprivation/sharing room with DD/shift work/having a teenager who is often not ready for bed till way after us, results in DH & I being ships in the night...moody, tired, stressed out ships in the night a lot of the time!!

How did you/do you manage?

i have no idea.

i think its a case of just muddling through and knowing that things will get easier.

i think a regular night out helps

Things didnt really change that much for us, but we are lucky to have hands on grandparents. I never worried about leaving our LO with even though she didnt sleep through the night until she was 2 and a half.

I agree with custardo regular nights out are the best thing either with someone you know or a babysitter.

It's a notoriously hard year for any relationship, however strong. You just have to bear with it and be supportive of each other. I think there were long periods when DH and I didn't really even talk to each other about anything other than the DCs - too dazed and confused for much else.

Yes, things will come back but you'll both have to make the effort - as soon as you can leave her with a babysitter, do so. Having some quality adult time is so important - just a couple hours to talk and have a laugh.

thank you...yeah, I guess DD would survive with granny for an evening (granny might not!)....I do wonder what we would talk about, actually..but I think it would be great for us...even though we live together I kind of miss his company, IYKWIM.

The first 6 months were blissfully happy, DD was a good sleeper from the start,which I'm sure helped - then the 1990 gulf war happened and DH was away for 5 months and missed DD's first Christmas and got back a week before her 1st birthday, luckily she waited to take her 1st steps until he came home.
We were alone in Germany and it was perfect, well away from meddling MIL.

You probably don't want to hear mine. But anyway - husband had an affair when baby was about 6 months old and had moved out before he was a year. So we didn't do so well.