Probably really dumb question but as my name suggests, I'm no good at this stuff!

[Nogoodatthis]

Have been seeing very lovely, kind man for about 3 months now. He has 1 DC, I have none.

He's met all my friends and they all like him and he likes them, we spend as much time together as his childcare arrangements allow (he has pretty much 40:60 split of time with his DC) all good.

I've been away with family over xmas and he's been doing his own thing with his family and DC, etc. We've spoken on the phone a couple of times, skyped, and/or text messaged every day since we last saw each other. Except today.

My first dumb question is: it's ok for us not to have contact for one day right? I shouldn't be worrying? I met him not long after he split with his ex (not his decision) and am terrified I've caught him on the rebound and he's going to change his mind any second (although I gather I'm not the first woman he's been with since the split.), so every time we aren't in contact for a day or so, I'm convinced he's getting cold feet or back with his ex or something.

My other dumb issue is that, by necessity and circumstance (i.e. his DC), I can't be as involved in his life as he is in mine, so I sometimes feel like I don't know him as wholly as he knows me which, in my more paranoid moments translates as: I'm more into him than he is into me.

Anyone ever been in a similar situation? Obviously the pace at which he integrates me into his life WRT to his DC must be set by him, I can't push that side of things and so far I have just been going with the flow. And obviously his DC should be his number one priority, but I want to strike the right balance between respecting his need to handle his DC in his own time and space, and not being a doormat and ending up bottom of the priorities list.

I spent 5 years having my head fucked with by an emotional abuser so I don't really know how normal relationships are supposed to go. Also, this situation with his having a DC is a totally new one on me so I'm really feeling my way in the dark and don't want to miss any red flags, or conversely act like a clingy nutter because I really like him.

TIA for patience and hand holding!

Oh yeah forgot to add that the thing that made me start this thread was reading the 'He hasn't even replied to my happy xmas text' thread and I started to panic because I haven't heard from him today!

I'm so untrusting of my own judgement (let myself be treated like shit by a dickhead for 5 years before I cottoned on to what was happening), that I'm not sure what is a red flag - he's not that into me? - or just a healthy pace for developing relationship?

Sorry for being so clueless.

sorry youve been fucked about before - and whilst this is understandable - you are coming across as clingy and pathetic - and this can't be a turn on.

i think you need to invest in something to build your cnfidence and self esteem. You can't build your happiness on someone else.

your happiness comes from you - they add to it

Nog - how long is it since you split from your emotionally abusive ex? Is it still early days for you too?

Seeing as everything has being going well for you so far with your new partner, and you only started to panic after reading another thread on here, I wouldn't worry too much at this stage. It's late, sleep on it and you may have a different perpective tomorrow.

I understand your insecurity as it is only a recent split from his ex, especially if it wasn't his decision. Take things slow and as Custardo suggested, spend some time working on your own self-esteem and happiness

Absolutely fine not to talk every day, but at this stage would expect not to go more than a couple of days without talking. Esp as you started out talking every day.

Do try not to worry too much, else you won't enjoy the fun that is the early days of a romance. Prob easier said than done.

Agree with others that you should def try and enjoy your own company and self. Only when happy w self can you be happy w others.

We haven't always spoken every day. When we first started out we would go a few days without speaking in between seeing each other - slowly, slowly - but as we've got closer it's built up to more regular contact. So I'm not sure if not hearing from him for one day is him just feeling comfortable rather than backing off.

My radar is so skewed. Faff, I split from my EA twat at around the same time he split with his ex. But I definitely don't feel on the rebound IYSWIM. I'd detached from my relationship way back at the beginning of this year, so I feel like it's been longer since it ended. However, obviously I have residual issues from that relationship which have affected my self esteem.

So you've been single less than a year and your previous relationship was EA? Be very careful.

Just personal experience, but I split from EA XP last December. I'd made the decision to leave and the relationship was completely dead/detached to me from around September. I met someone else in March and was cautious but convinced that I wasn't on the rebound. I tried desparately hard not to be clingy, did everything "right" but it still didn't work out - looking back actually I think I was on the rebound.

However, I got chatting to an old (ish) friend more recently, and slowly it developed into something more - this was in about October. I was so nervous and didn't want to rush into anything because I was very conscious that it was still less than a year since I had left XP. But we have taken it a lot more slowly this time and I am completely sure this is not a rebound thing.

On your original question no I don't think it's a bad sign to have no contact for a day - I actually thought the Christmas day text thread was a bit odd, but then Christmas is a special day so I suppose it is different.

I agree with others though - get involved in something else, a hobby, seeing friends, a new book, TV series or anything. Just something you can busy yourself with if you're worrying about him - it serves two purposes, firstly you have something to do, and secondly you don't look so needy and clingy. And keep reading relationship threads, but don't be afraid to ask questions :)

I'd say you are not ready for a proper relationship yet.

HAVE FUN, don't get emotionally envolved.

Your history indicates that you are vulnerable to abusive types.

Calm down, back off and enjoy finding out who YOU are, put yourself above everything else.

Please don't worry about this guy, if it's meant to be it will be. However if you fuss and force it, you will make a mistake and get hurt, or worse, trapped in another toxic relationship.