Relight My Fire!

[BigBoldAndBeautiful]

Hi,

I am not name changing, so be gentle...

Here it is

My Dh and I have had a good marriage for maybe 15 of our 20 years together. The past 5 years have been difficult for a variety of reasons.(Infidelity was never an issue, indifference was)

I should say that my Dh is a good man, in so far as being loyal, hardworking and faithful. But he hates confrontation, and does not like talking about his or anyone else's feelings. (He is mildly Aspergers)

Things are slowly getting better but we have not had sex for over 3 years.

Sex was not that great as is was difficult to get my Dh to vary the menu. Once he hit a "winning formula" so to speak, it was like a computer programme set on repeat, if you understand my analogy .

I am wondering how and when to reintroduce sex back into what is an improving relationship.

Has anyone faced the same or similar challenge?

It may seem like I am going to post and run but my Dh is around (along with Dkids, and Xmas visitors) so I have to be careful not to be overlooked.

Thanks for all/any replies,
BBAB

I can relate with the "winning formula"

I told my hd and he has tried something new - sex in public/curtans open/when friends are round as he likes the feeling of being caught/naughty.

But i poerfer role play so i'm still working on it!

After 3 years the fire might be well and truly out....?

But good luck!

People with aspergers tend to have trouble reading other people in terms of non-verbal communication so I guess you might just have to sit him down and explain.

In terms of re-introducing sex into the relationship I guess it might be a bit nerveracking to start with. Why not just start with being affectionate and developing some intamacy. Otherwise you could just jump on him! go out on a wild night out? weekend away?

Sorry i will try to explaine better.

Since son came along and we co-sleep our sex life has been none exsitant.

So we talked about it and have to be creative. After 2 years of none trying to get back the romance is hard.

We got a babysitter and had a date night with a meal and talking and kissing and then we started making an effort to hug every day and find out about each other again.

What we both like instead of the TTC and same "moves" every time. It became boring then son on the seen and now we are getting back the us and we have changed in that time.

The first time after our son was born i felt like a teenager because we hadn't dont it for so long.

I think small steps like saying "i love you" and hugging everyday helps and spending time to chat to each other and maybe date night might help.

Okay I am back, visitors have left, tummy overfull...

I am a bit tentative restarting things as I am unsure that we are at the right stage. findingthepath I think that is probably the way forward.

I feel nervous, it feels as though there is a lot at stake.

Thanks for you replies.