Controlling parents.

[carrotcake29]

I wanted to post to all those that had controlling and abusive parents. I recently cut contact with my parents as their behaviour finally overwhelmed me when it started to involve the grandchildren (my children and my brothers children). I wrote a letter to them about some of things they had done to me and that I had NEVER even hinted at because...well we just don't talk back do we??

I have found myself over the last few days feeling so guilty about what I said. I have just found this list though...and it has made everything so clear to me. I have agree with everything on the page ans that doesn't even cover the abuse I suffered from my step dad. It has reminded just how they have affected me and given me the courage to never speak to them again. I hope this may help someone else.

www.controllingparents.com/Stats.htm

Wow, thank you carrotcake.
My toxic mum is not around this Christmas but there is a family reunion coming up where I will be asked about her and people will think it odd that I'm not sad she's not there or concerned about the weather where she is. In fact I've been wondering if I'm up to going to it at all as a result.
Also I have read some things on here that have made me feel, oh, I didn't have it that bad.But reading this has reminded me just how bad it was. Mine ticked nearly all the boxes.
Wish I were as brave as you and could cut all contact.
Someone else has a thread on here about abusive parents not admitting abuse when challenged--I can't begin to imagine being brave enough to confront toxic mum, who is the queen of denial. I would love to be able to explain to the rest of the family what a huge relief it is that she is not here, and why I don't want to talk about her.

Hello quiddity - I havent been on for a couple of days.
I think you will know when the tijme is right to call it a day with her. In fact, my letter to cut all contact came out of a relatively normal thing for her to say BUT I just flipped out. You too will get to that point but from the way you are writing I think you are halfway there. It will be hard to cut contact - but once I read that list above I have become completely convinced I have done the right thing.
I have been on the other thread - and it is unbelievable the amount of people that need support. Christmas is a hard hard time. I feel a little lost as I am sure you do. I think maybe the time has come to answer some of those questions that family will ask if you go to the reunion. BUT don't go if you cannot face it - I know I wouldn't be able to xx