Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Oh god violent exh

43 replies

christmaspastcatchingup · 26/12/2010 15:30

has found out dc school.

I'm so scared, and angry at myself. I believed that I had always signed everything telling school not to post details on internet, and they have put school, full name, class on the internet.

I think I'm going to have to pull them out of school to start new one in January Sad

OP posts:
FlightoftheCrimbleTree · 26/12/2010 16:54

How awful. Is it feasible to cut contact with your mother as well? She sounds as useful as a chocolate teapot - can she not understand what her attitude is causing the kids to go through?

I wonder if you have any choice.

I think also schools are obliged to hand kids over to a birth father, PR or no PR (afaik) but you prob know more than I do on this.

Be really careful. x

threefeethighandrising · 26/12/2010 16:57

christmaspastcatchingup I'm so sorry to hear that. If I was in your situation I would also want to change schools. What a shitty situation, I am Angry on your behalf.

I don't know if it's useful info, but my ex's mother changed the DC's names by deed poll to hide from her ex, so I think you could do it again yourself if you wanted to - it doesn't have to be the court that does it.

If you're in England, here's the webpage for finding schools in your area (I expect the same exists in Wales / Scotland / NI if you need it).

HTH

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 26/12/2010 16:58

flight i don't think that is the case at all WRT handing child over to birth parent. i would imagine in this case the court has placed a retraint order, if they have seen fit to provide new IDs.

FlightoftheCrimbleTree · 26/12/2010 17:01

Yes of course, sorry, if there are measures like thatin place I don't think it applies.

I read about it on a thread on here, about birth fathers, about a year ago and it terrified me as mine doesn't have PR but apparently could collect our child whenever he wanted to.

But there is no injunction in our case.

GypsyMoth · 26/12/2010 17:03

boo....i would assume NOTHING when it comes to court. if they have removed PR then school wont be a prob. but i get the impression the dc are older,so its outside school that could be the problem

god,its rare they remove PR.....he must have been an evil idiot!

GypsyMoth · 26/12/2010 17:05

no injunction here,and he was awarded zero contact (extremely rare) and a section 91 (14) first judge had ever done and first cafcass had seen,yet STILL he has PR!!!

deludedfool · 26/12/2010 17:06

I didn't realise it was your mother. She is being a liability to you.Sad

Original poster
christmaspastcatchingup · 26/12/2010 17:12

PR was removed - everything was removed from this man. SS were fighting it's every man's right etc, but Judge said not in this case.

He is not meant to be informed of anything, where we are, who we are, where schools are, no school reports, no photos etc.

I give my mother minimal information, i.e. doesn't know address. Only has my email and mobile, we go to see her etc. I wish I could trust my mother but I can't, and she goes and proves it again today.

It's outside of school that I'm concerned about, as due to age.

OP posts:
JaxTellersOldLady · 26/12/2010 17:49

christmas I am in England, but also have family in Scotland and will make sure you are safe in either country.

I know this looks like I am being nice, but you know what? Nobody should have the power to make someone so bloody scared, especially at this time of year. It just resonates with me.

My sister knows all about this and I can say that 10 years on, she is a different person who is happy, calm and not jumping at every sound.

Please, if there is anything that I can do at all for you and your family PM me. x

nogreatexpectations · 26/12/2010 17:49

I don't know how old your children are and not clear whether he is a threat to them or you.

If he knows where the children are at school and asuming he is a threat to you, could he follow them home?

I home ed my two sons and it seems to me that it might not be wise to send the children back to their school. Is it possible to remove them from this school whilst you look for a new school?

TroubledPrincess · 26/12/2010 18:14

Room here too and happy to help in anyway I can x

welshbyrd · 26/12/2010 20:25

Have to say firstly, the offers of help, and accommodation etc, is absolutely incredible, most generous and considerate, and heart warming.

OP - I was in a women refuge for sometime 4 years ago, due to violent partner

If this E-partner knows what area the school is, chances are even if you change DC to another local school, he will find you. My ex-p did this, he found out which area we was in, found out all the local primary schools, and waited 3pmish,outside a different one each day until he found us, police found out he had been to 17 other schools, before he arrived at ours
You may want to consider moving again, really not what you wanted to hear, but you have to keep you all safe
Be Safe xx

Original poster
christmaspastcatchingup · 26/12/2010 20:40

Oh welshbyrd you speak such sense, this has been going on for almost 15 years, I thought we were finished with this.

But obviously not.

This will be our 17th move Sad - I know this is a horrible thing to say but the day I hear he's dead, will be the day I'll be able to breathe.

And thank you so much in this awful situation it is so wonderful to see there are still good kind people in the world.

OP posts:
LittleMissHoHoHoFit · 26/12/2010 22:39

OP, I am so sorry for you, I hope you can find some help here and get away from him for good.

Sadly, I think you are going to have to consider losing your mother along the line too. Her insistence to impart info could really harm you and your children.

TroubledPrincess · 27/12/2010 10:08

This might seem really extreme but could you move abroad?

welshbyrd · 27/12/2010 12:26

OP - just had similar experience, im not an expert and did not have to move 17 times like yourself, we moved 3 times, 350miles being the furthest, and he still found us Sad, it was terrible, DCs had just settled into new school, had just stated to make friends, then he turns up.
My family know where we were,luckily, have never told a soul

Please do not tell your mum your whereabouts in future, not even the basic area. If she is still fond of this IDIOT, then she could quite easily let it slip, and then you have got to pack up again, maintain contact with her by you contatcing her, do not give her your telephone number[unless its a mobile]incase he find out what area code it is.
Make it VERY clear to new school, that previous school, has let you down regarding internet photos etc, and that DC are not to be seen on internet or any other school promoting programme
goodluck, i hope he gives up, and leaves you all to live your life soon x

JaxTellersOldLady · 27/12/2010 20:57

Christmas how are you feeling today? Hope you and your DC are all ok.

StuffingGoldBrass · 28/12/2010 00:40

If he is making attempts to find you, that may count as a breach of the restraining order against him. Do you have a lawyer, or social worker or someone else you can speak to about this? I don't know your details obviously but it's possible that he can be arrested for having asked your mother for your address and if he is repeatedly breaching the orders against him he can be sent to prison.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page