What would you think about this?

[startofnewterm]

Hi, havent posted much, but I do lurk on here quite often.

Would just like some opinions please on this. About 10 years ago I worked with someone and we had quite a flirty relationship. We thought alot about each other and occassionaly got it together on works nights out but whenever I was single he wasnt, and vice versa, it was always bad timing.

Eventually, we both married at around the same time and we met up before we married for a drink and to wish each other well.I know this may seem odd but we really were good friends. He told me that although he was happy to be getting married and loved his partner he said he loved me too and that I was special. It threw me but we both agreed to leave it there. We decided it was best not to get in touch again and that was 10 years ago.

About 6 months ago I got a friend request from him on facebook along with a polite message saying that he hoped I was well. He is still with his wife and I am still with my husband. I have no reason to beleive that he is not happy from what I can see on his facebook.

Anyway, xmas eve, I got a private message on facebook from him wishing me a happy xmas, says that he hopes I am well and will get in touch in the new year.

Is he just being friendly and maybe wants to find out how I am after all these years. Is it innocent, or is it something else. Am I reading too much into this.

If he messaged me on any other day then I probably wouldnt think much of it, but, xmas eve is a special time for a family and not one that I would have thought about messaging old flames.

yeah, I'd steer clear.

Or message him back saying how nice to hear from him, tell him all about your husband (and children?), ask about his wife and if he has children and say how nice it might be for your two families to get together at some point.

And for him to make sure that he says hi to his wife from you and your husband.

I think you would be playing with fire.

From experience of revisiting long lost star crossed lovers, I'd advise to avoid him.

There was a reason you were never single at the same time, you'd have made sure to be if you had felt a serious relationship with him was a possibility.

It sounds like he has one eye out the door and knows you were an easy partner back then (not easy in an insulting way - but a good friend happy to go the extra mile without commitment) and hopes you are still going to play that role now.

I doubt he wants a serious relationship with you. I'm sorry

Never meet your heroes!

Hi, thanks for your replies.
Flight - I'm not wanting any relationship with him, serious or not, so dont be sorry. That wasnt why I was posting. I just wanted opinions on whether or not he could just being friendly or whether there is more to it.

Obviously you seem to think there is more to it, fair enough, you may be right. I just dont know.

I think I will reply in a friendly tone to let him know I am still married and have children (he wont know this from my facebook info because I dont put much on there and all my chat with friends is just general stuff, nothing personal, no personal pics on there either).

happily married - to a husband you adore.

Best to be clear on this matter.

Then if he is just an old mate being friendly, then no problem.

If, otoh, he was hoping to dip his wick, he'll disappear.

Sorry, I misinterpreted your tone as hopeful - my mistake, I was extrapolating from my own experiences!

Sounds like a plan, what you have in mind.

I do think he has more in mind, yes. But I could be wrong.

Hecate I misread that as 'whip his dick'

Don't know whether to be more embarrassed that my mind works in this way or that I never recognised it as a spoonerism previously!

either way

It was the bit about getting in touch with me in the new year though really.

I wouldnt mind him ringing me and us catching up on what weve been up to for the last 10 years. But, I dont think its fair on dh and I know how it would look. I certainly wouldnt like it if dh did it and I dont think he would be too happy about me doing it.

So, the only alternative is to speak to my "old friend" in secret, but then it becomes a kind of affair, which absolutely not going to happen.

So, do I tell him not to get in touch and risk looking stupid in case it just a friendly message.

"nice to hear from you, having a lovely life with wonderful dh and x kids. Hope you are well and as happy as I am. Catch up in another 10 years."

Hello, I'm new here, hope you don't mind me answering your post. A friend of mine describes facebook as the work of the devil lol, and I have first hand experience of how the Internet can start out innocent and lead to total devastation.... If I were you I'd politely but firmly message back something like the above poster has written, hello, I'm very happy, goodbye. There's a whole chunk of me that wishes it's what I'd done 5 years ago, my live would be a whole lot simpler if I had...........

Please ignore it. Tell your husband about it, so that he knows you got this message, what your instinct is telling you about it, and that you are going to ignore it. I would also 'unfriend' him from your FB.

I agree with the poster above who said it is playing with fire. Trust your instincts.

For your husband's sake and his wife's sake, please ignore it.

You have answered your own question when you said you wouldn't like it if your DH did it.

Hi, Ive messaged him back, in a nice friendly tone saying that Ive had a lovely xmas with dh & children and that I hope he's had a good one too with his wife and children. He replied a little while later to say thats great and he'll get in touch in new year to catch up.

I cant and dont really want to de-friend him because we have a couple of friends in common (who dont know about our previous history as far as I know) and it may appear odd if they notice.

Also, I'm not scared about him getting in touch (from the point of view of me being attracted to him), as I said earlier, I would kind of like to know how his life has turned out. But, I know its not right to be in touch with another man behind dh's back. Also, if I tell DH about it he will wonder why I never told him about the friend request 6 months ago. I dont really know why I didnt tell him.

Am I being naive in thinking that he could just be being friendly with no intentions. He was a lovely man, I dont think he's the type to be so deceitful.

I have two exes as facebook friends - and exes they will always remain - one I met up with a few years back for coffee and it truly was platonic. The other is on another continent - when he was back in the UK this summer I deliberately did not meet up with him as I wouldn't have wanted to upset DH given that we had a similar scenario to yours where there was possible lingering unfinished business.

Be friendly but steer clear.

I think he's looking for a f&*kbuddy....

Shut his rights down on FB so he doesn't see it all