First time with new man went a bit wrong

[seekingreassurance]

I've been with a wonderful man for about 4 months now, he's slept over several times a week for a month or so, but last night was the first time I felt ready to have sex. I've never waited so long before, but I've been through a bad break up (though it was 3 years ago) and have massive body image issues so for me sex is a big deal, and I have to be very comfortable with someone first.
As soon as the condom was on he lost his erection. He was embarassed and said he was nervous, which I was too, but now I'm sat here worried sick he doesn't find me attractive. My stomach has been truly wrecked by 3 pregnancies, my boobs pretty much destroyed by bfing for more than 4 years in total and these are big insecurities for me. He stayed for a while this morning playing with the children, and I'm seeing him again tonight. I know he is probably far more embarassed about this than me, but I can't help feeling that it's my fault. Will talking about it make it worse for him? I said it was fine, and really, it is fine, I was nervous too, but my goodness I feel full of insecurities this morning :(

I'm having this problem with my new boyfriend at the moment. Google performance anxiety - it definitely made me feel a lot better. Things have been improving and we've been having a lot of fun in other ways - there are plenty of ways to enjoy each other in bed without penetration.

Get a cock ring and some extra large condoms if he's on the bigger side. Mine just came in the post this morning and they worked a treat.

Wow Queenstromba, you must get your post bloody early.

We've had a talk about it and basically his problem is that he was circumcised as a 7 or 8 year old and the other boys made him feel very uncomfortable about it as he was growing up, apparently it's very sensitive too and he just doesn't get on with condoms. When we met one of the things he told me was that his longest relationship had only been 4 months long and tbh I wonder if he's had a lot of women leave him over this, which will be making his nerves worse. I don't know what to think tbh. We have had a good, grown up talk about it which I really appreciated, and I called the GUM clinic today and they were able to fit us both in for a full screen at lunchtime. When I explained I was a bit scared of internals after being very roughly induced with dc1 the lovely dr did me a smear at the same time so I wouldn't have to go through it all again. Hopefully we'll get the all clear in a week or two, and I can get some other contraception sorted, she suggested I try a few different pills before resortign to the coil if I was uncomfortable with the idea. I'm just shocked that considering we both were able to have a full STI test the day we rang up, the contraception clinic has a wait of at least 3 weeks. I might see if I can talk to me Dr tomorrow.
I do think in a way this is bringing us closer, we are taking more time getting to know each other in other ways. But I also feel bad for feeling a bit frustrated and insecure about it all. I'm worried thsi is a bit psychological thing for him that is going to be difficult to overcome, and also I'm not entirely sure I want to rely on just the pill, having been on it when I concieved dc1. We still have a lot to talk about really.

I'm glad to hear you got seen by the GUM clinic so quickly, we're going to try and make it to our one at 8.30 tomorrow morning for the walk in clinic. Sorry to hear that you have to wait so long for the contraception clinic - I rang up yesterday and got an appointment for a couple of hours later. The nurse was really nice and spent a long time going through my options with me - not the five minute appointment that I expected. Maybe I was lucky or maybe the NHS are getting their shit together on this. One thing that might be worth thinking about is the implant - according to the leaflet I was given less than one woman in a thousand will get pregnant over the course of three years. They also suggested I think about the coil which was a surprise since I've never had kids - not sure if I'm too keen on the idea, I'll definitely have to give it some more thought.

It's important to try to stay positive and let your man know that you understand. Take this time to get comfortable with each other. In the end I was even happy that we'd had this problem because it brought us closer as a couple and when the sex did happen it was a lot more meaningful. Chin up and PM me if you want to talk about anything in private.

Mountaindew loved the link, increased my confidence within fist 10mins of me reading