Backround is dp is abusive emotionally verbally physically ie threatening intimidating during extreme anger. Goes through periods of being nice but only if he's after something eg.sex.
Last night I went upstairs to go to the toilet as our pipes are all frozen so I needed to fill a cistern to go and figured I would get dressed for bed while I was there. In the meantime. DS woke up complaining of a pain in his tummy. So I went down to get him a drink of water. As I Walked into the kitchen I actually caught him mouthing loudly about me in a derogatory fashion. His tone was one of disgust. When I asked him what he had said he said "you heard what I said" I said "no I haven't heard you, what did you say" and he launched into a tirade about how miserable I am. And not "oh you're miserable" in a sympathetic way more in a you disgust me with how miserable faced you are. I just said to him that I was not mserable enough that i didnt leave the radiator off in the spare room and walked away.
Well he followed a minute later ranting and i automatically regretted saying anythign but of course thats what he wants all the time isnt it. So when he got to my room he fired the pillow at me in the bed. not realising that my ds was in the bed with me and so he got hit with a pillow and started to cry. I kept shouting at him to get out and all he could rant was that he didn't know ds was there and now im trying to make out like he did. I didnt care either way, the fact that he threw the pillow AT me was enough. So he did sleep in the spare room in the end. Today I got told via email that my ignorance would be the death of me and that I am the abusive one that never stops bitching at him etc etc.
I am [hmmm] here because my new years wish is that he would just disappear.
I find myself daydreaming about my dream man and my dream situation for me and my children a lot I'm just hoping the new year brings me closer to that.