I Have a Position that I Can't Hold..

[PenelopeTitsDropped]

I am having my Mother and Father tomorrow first time in 25 odd years.
It isn't a choice.

Mother was hospitalised; and as a consequence they were on their own; couldn't go on holiday etc. due to health issues. It was the same day that my DH had an heart attack.

There's a Sister and a Brother (GOLDEN CHILDREN); that don't want them/can't accomodate them.
"We'd love to include you; but actually we cant/wont Skiing/Caribbean"

And we're off.

I hate my Mother. She kicked the shit out of me almost daily; there was hardly a day that went by without her hitting me.

She never hit or hurt my younger brother or sister; it was always me; and by God did she give me a whopping.

Time has now passed.

But in the meantime; I can't get over the past.

I have my mother and father for Christmas tomorrow

The best thing that I can do; is celebrate and hold the Christmas that I/my DH/my Child always hold; despite them.

But I might have to kill them; on the basis of evolution.

Well done you.

Just wanted to say that my Grandmother was in the same situation as you as far as she was regularly beaten by her parents, whilst her siblings were left alone. I hate thinking about it. She (like you by the sound of it) seems to have turned out far nicer and kinder than her siblings, and she too put up with a lot of crap from them as an adult.

They have now died, and she is glad that no-one can say anything about her treatment of them although she was provoked. You sound a lot like her, and she is the loveliest, warmest woman I know.

yes, this is a real credit to you as a good and balanced, but strong person

Penelope - you deserve a medal.
You have won over her - you have demonstrated that you are a far better person than you mother and she has lost her power over you.

LOL@ tupperware gift

I still don't understand why you invited them round if you can't stand them.

What was the point - to prove how bad they are? Did you need to prove you could handle them, for your own sense of self? I don't understand.

Flight. I invited them round because I felt sad for them and I am a kind, giving person.
They are Elderly with brain problems.

They're only part of the people I knew as a consequence.

I didn't wish to prove that I could handle them (but I did); I just didn't wanted to feel sad for them all alone at Christmas.

I'd have done the same for any tramp on the street; and actually have done.

No matter how many issues I have about them, they are still my Flesh and Blood; and my Parents; no matter how badly they have treated me in the past.

I now liken it to a dog that loves the Master; no matter the abuse.

It is also about DD. She loves my Parents.

I have encouraged this (Despite everything); and never giving anything, ever)

Latter give me £25 to buy and wrap gifts for DD. I bought make-up palettes. After gifts were unwrapped Mother said (in the kitchen); "You're turning her into a whore like you with this make-up nonsense. I entirely object".

"Latter give me £25 to buy and wrap gifts for DD. I bought make-up palettes. After gifts were unwrapped Mother said (in the kitchen); "You're turning her into a whore like you with this make-up nonsense. I entirely object"." How on earth you didn't stick a turkey baster in her eye I don't know.

You are marvellous.

Thanks for explaining, I still don't really get it, but I guess we are different people. There are a lot of things in the world I will never understand.

Satisfaction from self acrifice is one of them!

I have never worn make-up, but my DD loves it and plays with my old stuff and stuff at other friends' houses. So I thought it would be lovely. I bought her more make up palettes to play with.(from us).

Again we go back to a position of Parents.

There's no book; and even if there was a definitive book, some wouldn't actually read it.

As a small aside/note. I have only had 2 sexual partners in my life. One my ex fiance (10 years); one my now husband.
I am the sort of Woman that isn't physically attracted;
I have to know a Man for a considerable time; and have a tremendous admiration for his Mind/hands/wrists, beforehand.

So I'm no whore. But I think I would be quite good if I set my mind to it.

My Sister rang my Parents' from Chile. She had had sex with 3 different men; in the same night; and one of them told her that he had aids (afterwards). My Parents rang me in panic to "sort it out".

Like they rang me when Brother was in Thailand; and was mugged and missing.

I spent hours out of my working day helping them.

Both on fully paid gap years. I stept up. Spent hours out of my working day sorting it all out with fuck all thanks; no aknowledgement.

They spent 919K on my Brother's/Sister's Gap years.
I did work for them; in that time, charged £616 (cost) and they kept me waiting 9 months for payment.

I didn't stick a turkey baster up my mum's arse. Because that was what she actually wanted/needed/craved.
She wants the drama/difficulties/conflict.

I provided none of that.

She got to see a Family.

Grown up girls knickers indeed!

Holy mother of Jaysus.......you're a saint, so you are!

Please sort yourself our for NEXT Christmas right now.

Your mother doesn't deserve your kindness.

I think that's the point.

I'm sorry Penelope. I can't imagine how on earth the dynamic works between you all after such a shocking relationship. Maybe you needed to do this.

But I feel really uncomfortable reading about it, because it seems you are trying to prove how much better you are than your parents, and sound so angry.

I won't pretend to understand and am trying not to judge as I have never walked in your shoes. But I don't think I could sustain such a pretence. Maybe it is the right thing to do, and I'm just lucky not to have been in this situation. It just sounds so, so painful for all concerned.

I'm sorry.

And it certainly isn't my place to rain on your parade, so I will bugger off now.

I'm sorry to sound critical. I think it's that I wtched my own relations pretending to like each other for years and years and it scarred me badly...I always want people to be direct with each other, no martyrdom, no passive aggression.

I like things to be clear. But that stems from my own damage and might not be the answer for everyone - or right, in itself.

Good luck from here on in, anyway.

*Holy mother of Jaysus.......you're a saint, so you are!

Please sort yourself our for NEXT Christmas right now.*

Fuck me backwards; I'm not a saint.

Wendihouse. You're Irish; so am I.

I can just tell.

Mother sent me to School so I wouldn't speak with an Irish accent. Oxford pronunciation. RP; the shit was kicked out of me, so I didn't have an accent.

I think it is my parents' last Christmas.

It was a lot about jabbing them in the eye.(and revenge).

Pen I admire you, I hope if/when I end up having contact with parents again I can be gracious and mindful that they are now elderly and bitter and to be pitied (not sure I mean pity but something similar), I have forgiven my parents much but not quite strong enough to spend time with them yet.

Despite what they've both done, they're still my "Parents".

And no matter how badly they treated me. I still love them; even if they don't love me.

I can't justify it.

seriously penelope I think you did your 'duty' by inviting and bearing them for as long as you did, but sending them food was above and beyond

I did what I saw fit.

I met my own standards.

which is what you have to do

Flight.

The relationship is shocking. I don't want to "drill" down further; it's just bloody awful.

I've "coped" as best as I could.

And I'm as happy as I can be.

I was not a victim; and I assumed control.

I met them as I would anyone in my home; with a welcome.

Anyone could question my stance and my position (including myself).

My DD thought that it was wonderful; thought Granny's presents were wonderful (the whore make-up).Thought that having Granny and Grandad made it the best Christmas ever.

So Flight. I consider it a good outcome.

I subdued the emotions I felt for the greater good.

And that's why I wear big pants.

And revenge is a dish best served up in tupperware!

katisha . Quote of the week as far as I'm concerned. It's got me giggling.

'PenelopeTitsDropped Mon 27-Dec-10 20:01:39
I think it is my parents' last Christmas.

It was a lot about jabbing them in the eye.(and revenge).'

Lovely.

that's what I suspected and that's why I find the whole thing so distasteful.

Revenge has never appealed to me and I think it's horrible.

But each to their own.

Well done PTD. I like the saying 'Living well is the best revenge'.

Hope their early departure mean't you got to enjoy dinner.