In law issues now I've had DD

[neptunesdaughter]

My DD is 6 weeks old and we are doing fine. I love my DH so much but I'm having a bit of an issue with his parents now that I've had DD. She is their first GC.

When she was born, they came to stay for two nights straight after we got home (they live far away so a short visit isn't really possible although they should have stayed in a B&B). I had agreed to this when pregnant and not really knowing what it would be like after giving birth. It was horrendous. They kept taking my daughter off me when I just wanted to sit in bed and bond with her. Told me that she needed to be away from me. Wrapped her in about 10 layers of blankets and made her sleep and wouldn't give her back to me when I asked. Consequuently I was a state - especially as this was the day my milk came in and I was desperate to have her with me. I now don't trust them and don't want them anywhere near me or her.

They have been here since Monday and are staying til boxing day. (again this was agreed months ago and I had no idea how I would feel). I am pretty much staying in my room and not coming out. They have taken over my flat and are using all my stuff, eating my food and I feel angry, isolated and - this is extreme - violated. I want them to go - I want to wash all my things and I feel angry and upset about the whole situation.

They keep trying to take my daughter from me when I'm feeding (she feeds a lot admittedly but she wants to!). My MIL keeps talking about feeding her baby rice so she goes longer between feed - in other words so she can hold her! She's 6 weeks old - there is no way I would give her baby rice.

My DH knows I feel like this and is torn - he can't get rid of them as he says we invited them to stay ~(I see his point) but he doesn't realise how I feel.

What do I do? I feel trapped. I don't ever want to see them again and I don't want them to go anywhere near my baby. I am almost ignoring them and won't letting them touch my daughter but they just want to come and stare at her to whole time (when I'm trying to breast feed - I feel very uncomfortable about them looking at me). I know I'm being unreasonable but it's like an instinct.

Help

Empathise completely - mil came to stay when ds was 3 weeks old and she stayed three weeks.

It was complete shite and she was complete shite. There are gps who forget what it's like to give birth and the hormones involved and protectiveness the mum feels. Or perhaps they actually feel it all over again as if it's their own child (like mine did).

Set boundaries right now - will be hard as you're probably feeling very vulnerable - well get your dh to do it. Lower them later when dd is bigger. If you don't state your view you'll not change a thing and plus you'll feel bitter.

Important for gps to have a good relationship with gcs where possible, but ffs - in the early days babies have no fecking concept of people other than immediate carers and that's you and dh so gps needs are not high on the priority list right now.

Congrats by the way.

And tell your dh that the feelings you are having are the most natural feelings in the world and he needs to step up here and protect you.
He can be as nice as pie to his parents but get his point across.

Thank you all for your replies. Just knowing I'm not the only one who has felt like this makes me feel better. I'm trying my best to be nice and normal but it is hard.

They have backed off a bit but I think that's more because I'm so visibly uncomfortable. Dh is doing his best but he really doesn't understand as they are his parents and he loves them. He loves being looked after and that's what his mum is doing for him something I'm too busy and tired to do so It's hard.

I still feel like an unwelcome guest in my own home. Mil has taken over. She is taking photos of everyone with my dd apart fom me! It's really upsetting. I keep finding she's rearranged cupboards and things in my home - I hate it!

I am just praying the time goes quickly and I can be free! This is the worst Christmas ever and I'm so.upset It's my dd's first Christmas.

Tell your dh!
You must let him have the chance of stepping up to the mark.
Don't care what they think it's you who need looking after and fussed over and don't you forget it!!!!

it is not him that needs looking after it is you

and the sooner he realises that the better I feel

this whole you're too tired to look after him so she's doing it - you really take too much on yourself you do

your job is to look after your beautiful new baby and not to look after other people

if she is changing your cupboards around ask her not to, politely, tell her you find it disconcerting and then point her towards something she can do to be helpful

also, point out the iniquity of the photos - ask her to take photos of you (and make sure you get a photo from over your shoulder of your baby breastfeeding - they can be really lovely_

I could have written your post almost word for word except that it was my own mother who was the probem. She traveled the 5 hours down and stayed for a week - she took over my 2nd son and rocked him to sleep continually during the day so i was awake all night every night with him. The reason mum came to stay was to look after my 5 year old but she ignored him. She was no help at all infact and this time round with my third baby i've said not to visit. She has text to say she will do anything to help but she will need to agree to some firm ground rules first. I'm so glad you have made a stand and i hope you continue to do so. Giving him baby rice is a complete no-no as I've heard early weaning is linked to allergies. Be polite but don't do anything in the house - they should all be supporting you. Bonding and breast feeding a new baby takes lots of one to one time - they will have plenty of time to get to know him when he is a bit older.