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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Just a bit desperate!

17 replies

Rowan49 · 23/12/2010 10:53

Hello, I am sorry to come on here when none of you really "know" me but I logged on last summer and you were all great then ...

I'm probably in a real minority here but I am completely alone. I have no children (my Q over the summer was opinions on getting pregnant using a sperm donor.) I don't have a boyfriend (obviously!) in fact, I have never had a boyfriend and I'm thirty years old. All my friends are loved up and are just too busy for me.

My family are a bit odd, I love them, but I get very depressed when I have to spend time with them. My brother has Aspergers and is not very understanding about anything as a result and he can (unintentionally) be very embarrassing - he has a hoodie he's been wearing for years which he won't take off, it makes him look like a homeless person but hey! And my dad has some odd ideas about things like not turning the central heating on or microwaving cups of tea rather than make a fresh cup.

I'm just sitting here feeling so lonely and unhappy I just need to reach out to someone, I'm sorry.

Thanks for listening

Xxx

OP posts:

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 23/12/2010 10:55

Rowan
Have an unMumsnet

Sorry can't stop longer I'm in work but I wanted to answer you.

Original poster

Rowan49 · 23/12/2010 10:58

Thank you, I sound really pathetic don't I!? Lol! x

OP posts:

suburbophobe · 23/12/2010 11:04

Well, at least you're laughing! No, you don't sound pathetic!

Don't get hung up on your family and what they do or not, you are unique!

Maybe time to get some new friends? They don't sound very sympathetic, if I were you I would make some resolutions for 2011, I would go for lying on a Thai beach!

aristomache · 23/12/2010 11:05

You've got a case of the "poor mes" and can't say I blame you either.

I had the "poor mes" yesterday, but I refused to dwell on it and make myself miserable.

Try to think of something positive, Is there anywhere local you could go to make new friends, church, evening classes etc, have you got any workmates, extended family etc living near by?

Hope you start to feel better soon, as it really isn't nice feeling the way you do today oh and my son has aspergers and I so recognise the hoodie thing!! and he wont let me cut his hair or trim his beard either so you can imagine what he looks like

suburbophobe · 23/12/2010 11:05

Oh yea, and hugs from me too (why isn't there an edit button on this?)

Original poster

Rowan49 · 23/12/2010 11:10

Aspergers is so hard isn't it - you KNOW they can't help it but it still drives you to distraction! I pleaded with him yesterday to change as I wanted to buy a CD from HMV and didn't want to look like a shop lifter!

I'm feeling better from kind messages on here, think I might stick around - can want-to-be-mums-but-aren't-yet post on mumsnet? :o

OP posts:

perfumeditsawonderfullife · 23/12/2010 11:27

I don't blame you for feeling a bit down. Time to make some new friends! What kind of things do you like doing Rowan?

As for embarrassing families, got one of those too .

I was single a looooooooong time before I met dh, we met when I was 35 and had ds at 37. My family offered to knit me a husband Try to see this as the relaxation time, when you do become a mum (and I am sure you will, soon) there is never enough time to relax and just be.

Have you anything planned for after the Turkey?x

sungirltan · 23/12/2010 11:34

hey rowan - saying hello and that tomorrow is a new day. if it helps (and i'm not presuming thats what you want) i met my dh through an interent dating site and he has an embarrasing family!

how is everything else in your life - work/money/where you live? what do you do in your spare time? i know this is a ibg cliche but it worked for me. when i got quite fed up a few years back (boring job, boring life, boring friends) i did a film course in the evenings. i didn't apply myself that much but it didnt matter because i met one of my very best friends on the course who i have kept in touch with across many ocuntries for 7 years now. she made me question everything in my life and opened me up to lots of amazing things i could do and experience and gave me ambition and drive i just didn't think i had in me.

hope that was helpful - i mean well x

aristomache · 23/12/2010 11:36

whereabouts are you rowan? Have you tried mumsnet local to see if you can make any new friends that way?

perfumeditsawonderfullife · 23/12/2010 11:37

turkey doesn't deserve or require a capital T

Great advice suntangirl. I was on my own for ten years and started to feel like Rowan does. I joined a volountary organisation helping eldery people and seeing how fraustrated they were being infirm made me realise I could pretty much do anything. They were inspiring when I listened to their life stories.

madonnawhore · 23/12/2010 11:44

Everyone's family is an embarrassing nightmare of inappropriate behaviour, skeletons in closets and just general oddness. Honestly, I could tell you some stories about my lot (police called to the house on Christmas Eve anyone?) but we'd be here all day.

Can totally empathise with your case of the 'poor me's'. We've all been there at some point or another, but things don't and cannot stay the same forever so just keep remembering, 'this too shall pass'.

Also, 30 is very young (I am 30 myself ), reading your post about being desperate and wanting to use a sperm donor, I was expecting you to say you were in your early forties or something.

Allow yourself one day of wallowing and self pity and then go out and do something constructive that is being kind to yourself. Go for a run or a swim, read a book you've always wanted to read, go get a manicure...

You have years and years to start a hobby, do a bit of travelling, get a new job, volunteer for a charity... and meet someone who you can have a family with.

sungirltan · 23/12/2010 11:44

perfume - its true - sometimes we need someone to change the record for us :-)

WherecanIhide · 23/12/2010 11:52

You sound a bit like me - need more friends! A good resolution for 2011. I've come to the (obvious)conclusion I need to get 'out there' and do stuff.

I also think, the more friends we have the less we'll rely on family for our needs (?)

Taghain · 23/12/2010 12:13

You're in a very large minority, so don't worry, you can get over the Poor Me's . Hugs from here.

So much of life is down to confidence and that in turn is a result of not caring if things go wrong.

Try to work out what you enjoy doing or what you might enjoy, then how you can do it. You'll prob have to wait for the New Year, now.
(If you want to meet some men I recommend taking up either mountain biking or indoor climbing, if you want civilised conversation then join a couple of reading groups)

Original poster

Rowan49 · 23/12/2010 16:22

Thanks so much, you're all lovely :)

I live in Cheshire and I am an English teacher so not surprisingly I like to read, and lots of outdoors-y activities like skiing and horse riding.

My NY resolution is to sign up with a dating site, I'm sick of being single! :D x

OP posts:

tb · 23/12/2010 17:34

Hi Rowan, I used to live in Cheshire, can you give nearest town, don't want to 'out' you, just in case I can think of anything?

Are you interested in am dram?

blackcoffee · 23/12/2010 18:12

there's a thread on Lone Parents about internet dating
I'm sure they wouldn't mind the lack of dc

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