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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

coping with xmas after H infidelity...

20 replies

cakesaway · 22/12/2010 18:34

Earlier on this year my 'perfect' husband cheated on me , I just knew as only women do and confronted him. My world fell to pieces but for the sake of our three beautiful children we are trying again (with counselling). I cope in an eveyday kind of way but it's an emotional rollercoaster and as we get closer to xmas I cope less and less. Xmas will never be the same again and it breaks my heart. I'm trying to stay strong for the kids....anyone else been through this and survived?

OP posts:
HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 22/12/2010 18:49

Sorry, no, but bump for you in hope that someone who has will see it.

tribpot · 22/12/2010 18:58

Are you still having counselling? It sounds like you should be - it's a hell of a lot to deal with. Have you spoken to your husband about how you're feeling in the run-up to Christmas? Do his family know what happened? (You don't have to answer any of those questions if you don't want to).

We have a host of MNers who've been through what you've been through, unfortunately. So keep posting and one will be along with some words of wisdom shortly.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 22/12/2010 19:02

Well I can't really give you any good news but just wanted to tell you that you aren't alone. This is my first Christmas with H after this years shit heap and we are trying again.

It's hard, and miserable.

You will get a lot of help on this thread, MN is unfortunately full of women who have been where we are.

Take it one day at a time and try not to think about the whole idea of Christmas and how it won't be the same - you will feel different next year and the year after to this year. Don't build it up into something massive, have a low key celebration and focus on the children. I told H that no way could I stomach going to IL's so we are staying at home which will be much more bearable for me.

I hope you are feeling ok Smile

cakesaway · 22/12/2010 19:12

Thanks for all your kind words - Yes Pfft small steps are what I'm taking. I did talk to my husband this morning - I had been up crying since 4a.m so decided to tell him how I wasn't coping. He thinks it's negative every time I bring it up as it doesn;t let us heal. He thinks I'm rubbing his face in it. It's so hard and I know I'm not alone - we've struggled over the years; money pressures, ectopic pregnancy, miscarriage, post natal depression to name just a few but I never imagined this would happen - I carried round this naiive idea that we were special and above all that - now I feel like a fool and deeply humiliated.

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PfftTheMagicDragon · 22/12/2010 19:30

He is wrong about you bringing it up. H and I have had this issue.

He was frustrated because he felt that I was not moving on fast enough, that I am not working with him enough to make things better. To be fair to him, this was true, but I realised that this is because I am still hurting. I'm not ready to move on to the moving on phase, a lot of me is still in the hurt and upset phase.

Your H needs to realise that you need to do things on your schedule, not his, and that none of your emotions are invalid.

Talking about it DOES NOT mean you are rubbing his face in it. It seems that he wants to forget it happened and hope for the best but he needs to realise that this won't work long term. It will be better for you if you deal with these emotions as they arise rather than burying them and resenting him later on.

I empathise with you feeling like a fool. I think that rationally, deep down, you know it isn't true but you can't help the feeling that you have been duped and he was just like all the others after all. You feel like an idiot because you aren't sure if you are being a fool taking him back and will you get deceived again?

All of your feelings are valid. Good, bad, and the only thing that you can do is live through them and deal with them. The worst thing you can do is bury it all and your H needs to see this and help you.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 22/12/2010 19:30

Apologies for the mixed tenses there....

tribpot · 22/12/2010 19:38

I think it's fairly common for cheating husbands to want the affair not to be brought up - for obvious reasons on their side. But you are the one who has been betrayed and the healing process needs to include whatever steps you feel are necessary. And it will take as long as it takes - there's no magic wand.

He needs to be a lot more sympathetic to your feelings. I'm surprised the counselling hasn't explained this to him.

cakesaway · 22/12/2010 19:38

Sounds like you've had a really tough time too!
I think dear H would love to stick his head in the sand and stay there. I am a talker - always have been (most women are lets face it)In a Victorian type of way I need to mourn what we had (or thought we did) and ,like you, I'm not ready to move on so quickly. The trust is gone and I know it will take time.
The conflict of emotions is huge - sometimes I want to smack him in the face - other times hold him close. We are due to start counselling again in the new year - it's all I can hope for at the moment

OP posts:
cakesaway · 22/12/2010 19:40

that was to Pfft

OP posts:
PfftTheMagicDragon · 22/12/2010 20:51

It's a tricky time as well. Everything is so family focussed at Christmas, you feel a pressure to be perfect and then you realise that your life is anything but.

Take the pressure off yourself and just accept the way things are. It will not be like this forever, no matter how it feels now.

atswimtwolengths · 22/12/2010 21:14

I've been through it but our marriage didn't survive.

Funnily enough, he didn't like any discussion on it either.

atswimtwolengths · 22/12/2010 21:15

How long did his affair last? Has it ended? If so, who ended it?

(I am firmly of the opinion that a third party can't end a relationship between two people - it has to be ended by one of those involved.)

matthew2002smum · 22/12/2010 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 22/12/2010 23:46

I've been through this and we've survived two Christmases since; this will be our third since it happened. Some of what you say worries me though. It doesn't sound as though your H understands your loss and grief. You don't say how you've been getting through this, apart from counselling and it doesn't sound as though he likes talking about it outside of the therapy room. That counselling will be greatly diminished if you are not talking about this in between times.

The other bits that worry me are your statements about gender differences "like only women do" and "like most women". I think gender politics play a huge role in affairs and so I'm curious about these statements.

Lastly, I hope you didn't mean what you said and that you are staying together for the DCs. I hope you are staying together because you love eachother and don't want to be apart.

Christmas can be a hugely emotional time but it all seems more so, after a betrayal. I expect you are comparing this with Christmases past before disaster struck, but if you get to the bottom of why this infidelity happened and take a more holistic approach, it really does get easier and in fact you can get to a stage where your future Christmases are better than they ever were.

If it helps at all too, the first Christmas for me was easier than I'd imagined, because it still felt as though we were in crisis mode (only 3 months on from discovery). Last Christmas was worse, because the crisis has passed and despite us having done a tremendous amount of work, I was feeling very sad and tearful, but this Christmas and for several months now, I have been feeling wonderful and "normal" again.

These things take time and I have learned that you just can't rush through the various stages of recovery. Lower your expectations about Christmas and raise your expectations of your H and the necessity to talk when you need to and to really get to the bottom of why this happened.

MissJanuary · 23/12/2010 09:52

omg cakesaway your message could have been me writing. I feel SO down today after discovering my husband's emotional affair last month, I just want to run away from everything today. We have plans to be at his sister's house tomorrow night, his parents will be there as well, and then come home on Christmas Day, but I'm not sure I can cope with it all. All his family know about it, which I am glad about, I'm sick of everyone thiniking he's Mr Wonderful, and am glad they have had a reality check. We recently went for a lunch with them all and I coped well seeing them all, although the subject of the EA was not discussed (not sure I would want it to be anyway, I have very short limit of his inlaws although they are nice enough people) so its not the first time we'll all be together, but like you I am just so emotional by the day, up, down, in out, want to slap him ,hold him, scream at hime, love him. But I'm barely coping, and yes he is so remorseful and really wants this all to work but I just have so many doubts. We have bought both books the Shirley Glass Not Just Friends and How to Will I ever Trust you Again, which do make mne think there is hope, but when I'm down I just want to run and never look back. Like you I have a wee one to consider, 2.5year old boy, and I just want him to be happy. Sorry if this seems like I'm hi-jacking your thread, I'm not I just wanted you to know there are others who feel exactly like you, and truly understand. WWIFN - I have read so many of your threads and your advice is invaluable, please keep posting and letting us see that there is hope. Cakesaway I wish you the best and hope all of us that are going through this can get past it to something better.

laurielou · 23/12/2010 11:21

I've survived this too. I found out in Nov 2005 my DP had cheated. We spent that Christmas apart, the first in 9 years. It was awful.

Lots of tears, tantrums, councelling, talking (yes, mostly me) & we're back on track. DP isn't much of a talker anyway, but I think because they obviously know what is going on before you do they are a few weeks / months further down the line of thinking things through than we are. I believe that is part of the talking it through frustration.

Obviously I wish with all my heart I'd never been through this, but in a strange way its made our relationship stronger. I'm a stronger person that I ever realised & he realised what he so very nearly lost. From the day we decided to make a go of things we've never taken each other for granted again & have slowly built up to where we are now..........

Which is looking forward to a very happy Christmas together. Our last one just the 2 of us as we are now expecting our first baby together.

I've been blasted on here before for not walking away as we weren't married & didn't have children. Some of you may agree. But we'd been together for 9 years & deep down still wanted to be together.

I'm so sorry that there are a number of people here all going through this. Whatever you all decide I really wish you well. This will undoubtedly be a difficult Christmas, but it will be just one Christmas out of a lifetime of Christmasses.

Good luck to you all, x

LadyLapsang · 23/12/2010 15:16

Maybe you had built a bit of a fantasy of a 'perfect' relationship and thinking you were 'special' and 'above all that'. People are human and we all have faults. I often think that too many people on MN class unfaithfulness as a class apart in terms of people's faults in a marriage. Sounds like you have had a lot to cope with as a couple - money problems, miscarriage, PND- but sure there have been lots of good times too.

As WWIFN picks up on, your comment that you are only staying together for the children, is concerning.

If you are finding things difficult I think you need to take the pressure of yourself and take one day at a time. If your counsellor has given you some work to do as a couple before your next session that may help. If you are religious attending Christmas services may help too.

Good luck.

handmedownqueen · 23/12/2010 16:43

We are on our second Xmas post my affair ( which was part of a bigger picture of a depressive illness). Last Xmas was awful - couldn't cope at all, felt false, was glad when it was over
this one is going to be fab and here's why. Having been to hell and back DH and I are now so appreciative of all we have, each other , the kids and the importance of not taking anything for granted. I nearly ended up in a miserable flat on my own last new year. The family home never felt so wonderful this year
it can be done. You can get through it if you truely want to. Good luck xxx

PfftTheMagicDragon · 24/12/2010 09:02

LadyLapsang, I think it is a class apart. I wouldn't class infidelity alongside other marital "faults". It's a complete betrayal (in a monogamous relationship, of course). I don't think that feeling devastated at an affair is an indication that you were living in a fantasy.

insolsticecat · 24/12/2010 11:55

we survived this and 7 years on it is stronger than ever and I do trust him. Thers are other issues nowadays but infidelity and the lack of trust are not one of them.

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